Does anyone else get tongue tied under pressure? I feel like I keep mixing up my words and trailing off... this doesn’t happen for oral argument, where I’ve throughly prepared and I know the information well- but when a partner asks me a question on something new, I tend to flop and my mind starts bullshitting on its own. Any tips on how to combat this?

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Experience, which is a product of time. I’m in my sixth year and finally feel pretty comfortable saying when I don’t know something and chatting about novel issues without getting hot and bothered. Just keep on keeping on and fake it til you make it my man/woman.

likeuplifting

Take a deep breath. Talk less. Say you’re 95% sure and will email your confirmation later. Practice giving zero fucks. Caring less may make you perform better weirdly.

likesmart

Don’t feel obligated to answer within seconds. You can say that is a good question, let me see/think. Pause and collect your thoughts and speak. You’ll see a lot of business leaders pause before speaking. After a few tries that pause won’t feel so awkward or uncomfortable to you.

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I would do this too. You have to take a deep breath, which helped me slow down my mind. I also had to train my mind and part of it was confidence. It’s not a light switch, it’ll take time but try to talk yourself down before it even happens. Also it’s okay to say I’ll have to get back to you on that or my initial thought is x but let me get back to you on that. Don’t beat yourself over what happened either because it’ll add to the stress. Instead stay positive and tell yourself you’ll try again and with time it will get better! Stay confident.

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I feel this way too ! i'm a fifth year and still feel tongue tied

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Very common and it used to be a big problem for me. I’d even start to feel like I was going to black out, whether in a meeting or on a call. Take a deep breath, pause, and speak slowly. Do your best to focus on a fixed point in space, not your own face or someone else’s on Zoom. Try meditation. Don’t drink too much coffee if you have anxiety in general. (I was drinking way too much and belatedly realized it was heightening my anxiety even in casual conversations with partners.) stop yourself from indulging intrusive negative thoughts that distract you from the conversation. But above all else, be confident that you will relax and hit your stride once you start talking.

likesmart

This used to happen to me and I think it was anxiety. Experience helps. I also did a year of cognitive behavioral therapy and it helped tremendously,

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Can you say more about how CBT helped you? I've been considering it.

YES!!! I thought I had an anxiety issue. Glad I’m not the only one. But I agree with the others it gets better with time

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Take two seconds and a breathe to organize your thoughts. Reach for your water bottle as they’re wrapping up and take some long sips of water if you need to fill the space. Also ask clarifying questions so you aren’t guessing at the question and not providing a targeted response.

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Take a deep breath and refocus. A pause can have the same effect as speaking if done right

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Literally this happens to me all the time #solidarity

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Yeah, I really don't do well for on the spot verbal delivery even if know the subject. Give me time to write it down then I do okay

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I have this problem as well. Don’t be afraid to pause and collect your thoughts. Also, I try to be aware of how fast I’m talking. I’ve started making an effort to speak just a little more slowly and clearer (focusing on diction) than I normally would in your average conversation. It definitely helps and I’ve been getting tongue tied less often. Hope this helps but you’re not alone

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No tips but I feel better knowing I’m not alone. I thought I was just dumb.

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Suffer from this too. I feel like I ramble. But I desperately just want to show I’m not stupid and I did the work. I only want my boss to know absolutely everything about the subject. It’s hard.

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I have a block stutter that I worked really hard to overcome. It still gets me from time to time in social situations, restaurants, when surprised on a conference call extra... never when I’m well prepared though.

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Definitely! It can be hard to be put on the spot. First, it’s okay to not know the answer to everything. Second, it helps to take a breath and collect your ideas before starting to speak. Third, if you know you’re going to be asked about specific issues or called the meeting, it can help to write short talking points to focus yourself. You’ve got this!

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Tell people to give you a minute you lost your track. I’d just said I keep mixing up my words

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So I’ve been on the receiving end of this and I’d like to think I’ve been pretty good about recognizing it and making people feel comfortable to get past it. What everyone said here is good and see what works for you. But here is the thing that I think you need to remember: partners, associates, judges, etc all put on their pants one leg at a time. They’re just people. They’re not special. They’re not better or worse. They’re just another human trying to make it through the day. That pressure is put there by you and thus only you can remove it. If someone at work asks you a question, realize that they are asking for your help. No one said you have to be perfect, in fact if you get tongue tied acknowledge it and watch it go away almost immediately. Just remember, like Stuart Smalley said on SNL, “I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me."

I suffered with the same inner anxiety and it would strike out of no where. Over time it dissipated. Honestly I had to soul search and when I realized that I didn’t really believe I was smart enough, I didn’t really believe in myself and that was the cause. I had to trust myself that I was smart enough to get through law school, smart enough to pass the bar. And so I was “good” and able to do this job. As my confidence grew the issue left. It wasn’t overnight. But YOU are bright and can do this and you will be fine. But you have to believe it. Good luck to you!

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