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Does anyone financially help their parents? Either a certain amount each month or in lump sum? I’m curious to hear what they do and what kind of context it’s in. As many attorneys of color do, I come from a culture where this would not be weird..

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I don’t provide my immigrant parents with an allowance but have covered some big ticket items the last few years (ie $100K to get my parents house out of foreclosure, I cover property taxes, house remodeling, new car, etc). I’m fortunate to have a great relationship with my mom and don’t have any major liabilities of my own, so view it as more of a responsibility than a burden, particularly given that she spent most of her life savings on paying for me to go to college and law school so I wouldn’t have to take loans. I can afford it on a big law salary, but that also is why I’ve talked myself out of quitting multiple times.

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I come from a culture where your parents are expected to pay for your school, no matter what. My parents took half of their life savings for my law school. They dont ask for anything back and still have a decent amount of savings for themselves (not in the US but for the standard of my hometown). But I am planning to take care of them no matter what when they get older, potentially move them to the United States and live with me and my partner. It’s gonna be hard given the insurance, healthcare, language and everything but this is my plan. It’s kinda unacceptable in my culture to send parents to facilities.

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So he’s not on board yet but you’re assuming he has to be? Lol

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$1,400/mo + $10K when I get my bonus - been doing this for a decade. Also bought my family two cars as they had 30 year old cars. Pay for their vacations (they don’t go often). I’m also their retirement and will need to pay for their home / healthcare one day, since one is unemployed long-term and the other is in a cash business with no benefits and not enough to have savings. I’ll add it took me seven years to pay off $180K in loans because I was helping family during that time, but wouldn’t do anything different.

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My mom is an immigrant and never really saved for retirement although she was able to buy a house. I set her up with an IRA, but my sister and I are basically her retirement so no lump sum more like for paying everything. I know while I was in law school my sister, who was already working, was giving my mom monthly income and at one point a lump sum as well. My mom paid for everything for her parents too so it’s not strange in our culture to take care of your parents.

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Right now not much, we pay bills mostly. Before when I was in school and my sister working, my sister would give $1k a month or gave her lump sums of $10k. But I’m buying a larger house and she’ll be living with me and my husband and kid(s) and I’ll pay for everything then and my sister will pay for her “leisurely” expenses and credit cards. She’ll get a little bit from SSI once she qualifies but that’s her money. When we hopefully travel again we’ll split the costs.

I do $1000/month - my plan is to also give them a % of my bonus. They literally can’t survive without my help - no savings, 401k etc.

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I am not at the moment but I plan to once I am more financially stable. The plan is to send them a fixed amount every other month. My dad is retired and my mum will retire in a couple months. Personally, I want to do it because I feel like I owe it to them. That woman sacrificed everything for my siblings and I. At the moment, my oldest brother is the one handling their upkeep and I want to do my part too. Extra context: I am an immigrant and my parents are still back in my home country.

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I'd be really interested in seeing stats about what percentage of, say, biglaw equity partners (of color or not) were in similar situations and had parents that depended on them, versus those who came from well-to-do backgrounds and actually inherited something significant from their parents.

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Same! following

$1000/month (they live somewhere where things are a lot cheaper than the US)

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Yes, somewhere around $700-1000 every month, which includes day to day items. Believe the least I can do as my mother spent her entire life paying/taking care of me. I want to do this for her and i can afford it.

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My mum is getting very old and doesn’t live in the U.S, I got her an SUV and a driver because I hated her walking under the sun and looking unkept. I fuel the car every month and pay the driver. I also pay a helper to come around every week to clean and cook. She’s in a developing country, where the currency is basically worthless against the dollar, so only send 100usd a month and this takes care of most basics. My most significant expense was the SUV which cost north of 30K USD.

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I too come from a culture where this is not weird. I told them long ago I am not their retirement plan so to plan ahead, so I don’t do it.

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Guessing they had the privilege to plan ahead (I.e. save)— seems like many parents on this thread did not

I’ve been doing lumps sums and also small amounts almost weekly it feels like so I’m about to start doing about $1500/month to streamline. My parent isn’t working for a few reasons and I want to help them out with rent/groceries/gas until they can and at that point I hope to be able to decrease my monthly amount and just do lump sums here and there. I still have over $150k in loans tho so while I can help now while my loans are paused, I imagine $1500 could get tougher once I turn back to those. Sometimes I think about how interesting it must be to not have to help your parents but that’s ultimately not a helpful line of thinking for me to go down so I try to remind myself that I’m grateful to be in a position to help. But good luck to us because it’s certainly not easy

likeuplifting

So I have a difficult relationship with my parent. We lived in motels or a car most of my childhood, I got emancipated at 14 and we have not maintained much of a relationship. That being said I pay any expense that arises sine they are on a fixed income no. So home repairs, purchase, and once a year I send them half a cow and a bunch of meats to sustain them. I am repairing their home but ultimately plan to love them to a better home on property I purchase in the next few years.

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Thank you, honestly I think it makes me a better big law attorney. I am always the top billing associate, I try harder and work longer then most people because the thought of not being able to provide for my family terrifies me and gives me mean flash backs. I take care of a lot of my siblings who are struggling so I’m still paycheck to paycheck as a 5th year but I’m making every month and none of my family is hungry. It’s my success although I wish I had more financial literacy.

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Yep. Been paying their phone bill for a while, pay for them to travel and visit family, and planning to pay them for necessities later on

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I give my mother $1500 a month plus a Manhattan apartment (since I was a seventh year associate). Before she moved to NYC I was giving her $3000 a month, starting from when I was a fifth year.

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I have 3 siblings and each of us just transfer anywhere from $500-$1000 to their account every month. In addition to that, they live pretty close to me so I end up taking them shopping and taking care of their day to day items.

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Yes, about $1400 a month. My mom is differently abled and can’t work and my dad got laid off right as COVID started and hasn’t found anything stable with a salary close to what he used to make.

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I pay for everything for my mother (I.e., mortgage, insurance, groceries, etc.)

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PLOT TWIST - Anyone struggle with this because a parent did NOT help you financially (during crucial periods) when they could have provided that assistance?

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Yes, we pay $150-250 for in-laws monthly electrical bill. Small amount compared to others in this thread.

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