{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Does anyone have any advice on how to navigate friendships with people with steeply lower EQs? I’m incredibly empathetic and feel like some of my friends can be so cold and callous when I go to them for support, mostly due to their very analytical nature.", "post_id": "5f9a42fe9140da00222cf45f", "reply_count": 13, "vote_count": 2, "bowl_id": "59e88be7e2808e00149b0443", "bowl_name": "Women In Consulting", "feed_type": "bowl" }

Does anyone have any advice on how to navigate friendships with people with steeply lower EQs? I’m incredibly empathetic and feel like some of my friends can be so cold and callous when I go to them for support, mostly due to their very analytical nature.

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Hot take: you aren’t incredibly empathetic, you are exceptionally warm and open. Your ability to share and want to express yourself is different from being able to see things easily from other people’s view. It sounds like a lack of empathy might be the root cause here. It sounds like you had a need that was unmet (which sucks) and now have made it about the other person being low-EQ. I’m genuinely not trying to attack and have the benefit of being a third party. The request wasn’t “how can *I* better communicate what I need” it was “how do I deal with someone else’s deficiency as a person, as evidenced by my unmet need.” You two sound like you communicate differently and need different things (or don’t play all roles well for each other), which will make having your needs met harder. The softness in this request suggests that there are other qualities you deeply appreciate about this person. Times like now are tough because most people have more unmet needs, and at the same time, most people are exhausted and don’t have as much left to give others. Empathy is helpful here. I may have already offended you by writing this (not my intent), so I won’t make it worse by then offering my advice.

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I appreciate your take and I can see how you understood that from my brief description of the situation. Unfortunately, this is not the case here and I wish I could simply look to myself for the deficiencies that are being exhibited in the friendship. I was looking for advice on how to more effectively communicate expectations and needs in order to not offend the person and to be sure that I was recognizing their perspective. But thank you for feeling the need to call out my level of self awareness.

I think that taking the time to see things from their perspective may help. I am often seen as “cold” or “unemotional” but I am actually really empathetic. I just grew up in a household that valued logic over feelings and I grew up having to hide my feelings at times. I deeply care about my friends but struggle with showing it at times. My way of helping my friends is through trying to help them figure out solutions to their problems rather than hugging or crying with them. I am not saying my approach is the right one, but everyone shows that they care in different ways.

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I’m very much like this too. Very empathic but value honesty and was raised by a social worker as a mom so talking things out and being open to other people’s feelings and perspectives is foundational to me. My analytical nature and brutal honesty is my default so I have to be more mindful about words or tone sometimes. People that know this about me know that anything I say to that may come off cold or mean to them is always always in their best interest. And I have no issue reminding them it comes from a place of love. OP- I think it’s completely fair to tell them you may not be looking for a solution but you just want to think out loud with someone. That’s usually helps ME as person who is always looking to provide a solution or some advice, but that’s not what’s needed all the time.

they are the wrong people to go to when you’re needing pure emotional support, but will be incredibly important friends when you need their logic.

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I’m also this friend. I’m just baffled by conversations about emotions being the main content of a friendship. Female friends and family expect me to behave in a feminine way and I just... don’t. Never have. So I have mainly male friends.

It’s worth letting them know how you feel. They might get it and try to give you the support you need, or alternatively, they won’t - but that just means they are not that kind of friend. I usually know which one of my friends I would go to, depending on whether I need shoulder to try on or some tough loving. Hope it works out for you! 💕

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To be honest, kind of my first friend I’ve let into my circle who isn’t empathetic and it has taken some adjusting! That’s a good call to simply not go there for the emotional support.

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Why are you still friends them?

They still offer valuable advice when it’s in their wheelhouse, but not so great on the feelings piece.

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