{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Does “cry it out” really work?? My baby is 8 months, and she’s been crying for 30 mins already. And it breaks my heart hearing her cry..", "post_id": "60b325d278f47d0023fe5b51", "reply_count": 65, "vote_count": 4, "bowl_id": "58f81646ae9f610010f869be", "bowl_name": "Consulting Moms", "feed_type": "bowl" }

Does “cry it out” really work?? My baby is 8 months, and she’s been crying for 30 mins already. And it breaks my heart hearing her cry..

likehelpful
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Yes! We hired a sleep consultant for my older and she said the best time for sleep training is when babies are 4-6 months (most ready/least amount of crying). We did timed check-ins, 4, 8, 12 mins. It took a total of 3 nights and a max of 15 min of crying a night (he was 6 months). Now he’s a phenomenon sleeper and just a much happier baby/kid that’s properly rested. It may take a little bit longer since baby is 8 months, but if you really want to do this for baby/you, then I’d recommend giving it another try for a day or 2.

My husband was a wreck, so I sent him away to a different part of the house or to leave the house after the first night because he couldn’t take the baby crying. I recommend a glass of wine and ear plugs if needed.

I can’t recommend enough the importance of good sleep habits and establishing that early on. I’m married to someone that is a terrible sleeper and wasn’t sleep trained as a baby. While I’m used to it now, it took a long time to get used to his terrible sleep habits (total night owl-goes to bed really late, sensitive sleeper-needs music, eye mask to get to sleep, complains if I move too much, etc.)

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I’m a wreck.. my husband in the other hand really calm with it. But my baby literally cried 30+ mins. I really want to get through it, because I do believe the benefits of it is greater. But I just don’t know how to not let myself step in and hold her. 😥

Wow! The comments on this post were really harsh. Although, I applaud a couple comments which bring co sleeping to light. No judgement for parents choosing sleep training. If it is the optimal solution, go for it, although it may still be too hard and traumatic. I know I gave up within the first 5 mins of trying. Anyways, what worked well for me was co sleeping and would be up the whole night initially. Understanding that it may not be sustainable, I researched about co sleeping and was pretty shocked with finding that most countries where co sleeping is a cultural norm actually have lower occurrence of SIDS. This prompted me to look into the study papers which absolutely missed comparing factors of baby feed, mothers condition (sickness/inebriation) or even arrangement on bed. I have now been co sleeping with my baby for the last 4 months and her sleep quality and health have drastically improved. She sleeps through the night and I feel like myself again. This may not be the right answer for all, but I wanted to share such that mother’s who are in the same position as me are not afraid to do their research about co sleeping and making an arrangement that is safe and rewarding. We used owlet sock, a segregated sleeping area on bed, shifting to a king bed and zero alcohol so far. I also avoided co sleeping anytime I were unwell or if I was taking medicines which may make me drowsy.

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For reference, the entire Indian continent cosleeps and has since so for millennia. Our population seems just fine. My family thinks I'm insane for getting the Snoo.

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Cry it out is training your child to deal with abandonment when they are in a completely helpless stage of life. It feels heartbreaking to most parents for a reason but if your personal schedule is too important go ahead and keep on traumatizing your baby until they assume you not caring is the norm and give up (aka stop crying). The US culture is very into cry it out and “sleep training” while folks in many other parts of the world are not as comfortable with it.

likefunnysmarthelpful

OP I’m glad it sounds like sleep training is going better for you now. If that’s what you want to do (not for your recreation but to keep life running more smoothly in a world with a schedule incompatible with babies I remember what that’s like) more power to you. It felt bad when you posted that your heart was breaking. I never intended judgement.

One thing I’ve learned here are how type A and rule following (above critical thinking or doing research outside of your own parenting bubble) many of you are. BCG3 you are a nightmare.

likefunny

Yes, it definitely works. It will take longer the older your child is, but if you are consistent, the first night will be the worst. It gets better very quickly and after five days you should have an excellent sleeper!

That said, if you hate the idea of crying and can’t be consistent, don’t do it. It’s only worth it if you can be consistent for a short period. If not, a CIO method isn’t for you and that’s *totally fine.*. CIO works for some families but not others. There are plenty of other ways to teach good sleep habits that don’t make you crazy with worry/anxiety with crying if that’s how you feel.

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Thank you PWC !

OP - based on your responses, I don’t think CIO is going to work as well for you as it does others. It is so, so, so important to be consistent so Baby knows what to expect. They really will cry longer and harder if you comfort them inconsistently.

I’d recommend either getting out of the house for two nights and letting your husband handle the hardest part so it doesn’t bother you.

Or work together to find a solution that doesn’t break your heart. It’s totally okay to do something else that doesn’t cause you grief.

likesmart

Thanks! And did you just let the baby cry until he stops?

Thanks all!
I know CIO works and I really believe in the benefits. What we ended up doing tonight was input the baby down, she was half asleep, and I left the room and let my husband deal with the crying. Surprisingly she didn’t cry much. Maybe we got lucky tonight, will continue tomorrow night! Fingers crossed! Thank you for your support and suggestions!

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You do you but 30 minutes sounds like too long. I would worry about making sleep too stressful.

Then again, I did not do cio with either of my kids. My older one (4) still likes me to sit in the bed after story time but she's asleep in 2 minutes flat. When she was 1, it was about 15 minutes. My 1 year old decided on her own at 11 months that she was done being held to sleep, and now just sits there babbling and rolling until she's done. My point is that my experience has taught me that every kid is different and needs a different approach. If your baby is crying that long, do check ins, or accept that they're not ready, or perhaps this just isn't a good fit for them, and try something else.

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I can not stress enough the importance of this comment.

Google some no cry/gentle sleep training methods if you’re interested. There are lots of programs that do it differently.

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Have you asked yourself why you are doing it? We tried once then stopped when we questioned if it was right for us and decided to just too with what felt right

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It makes you feel bad because it makes baby feel bad. You can operate on little sleep for a long time. Yes it’s not ideal but not much of parenting is. Find people to help you through the tough days- you’ll never get these moments with your baby back. I’ve resented my job and husband at times for not being more supportive of a sleep deprived mother but have never regretted caring for a babe who needs me for everything. ❤️

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Our pediatrician heard my 4 month old daughter cry (read scream) at her appointment because she was over tired. When I asked about CIO and the Ferber method she laughed and said it isn’t for this child. My child will scream for an indefinite amount of time. Some babies aren’t good candidates. I can’t say your child is or isn’t but recommend checking in with your pediatrician. We also showed her recorded videos of her crying and she said we just can’t do that to her. My friend uses her as a pediatrician and she told her that her son was a great candidate for it. He did Ferber and was super successful. We are now looking into hiring a sleep consultant who will use a method that works for our daughter.

likehelpful

Thank you, D1. You confirmed for me that my child is in noooo way a candidate for CIO either. 😆

Are you doing full extinction or are you doing something like Ferber with timed checks?

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Seconding BCG2 - consistency is key!

I did full extinction with two kids. It does work but you have to steel yourself for the first few nights. Also as others have said, there are alternatives if you’re not comfortable.

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I keep things like this posted around my house to help remind me during the low moments of how much babe needs me:

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.mother.ly/amp/mama-all-i-see-is-you-2648499905

likehelpful

Please read about alternatives too as some other comments have suggested. The best option will be the one that you feel comfortable with. I was not comfortable to sleep train but when I weaned form breastfeeding we had to face 2-3 nights of tears for about 15 mins each night but I was next to my child always and kept on telling them stories to divert attention.

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We did Ferber (aka gentle CIO). My husband did all the check ins. It worked like a charm. Baby is 4 months and sleeps 10 hrs uninterrupted at night.

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Thanks! I’m having my husband do all the check in now. I responsible to put her down initially and then my husband will be the one dealing with the check in and crying ..

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It sounds like CIO is not for you and that’s ok. There are plenty of other methods.

There is a Restful Sleep Training baby group on Facebook that has all of them saved in their files folder. I think you’d find it incredibly useful to read through the summary of all of them and how they work. You will likely find one that works so much better than CIO.

Yes! Sorta :) I’d say it depends on the kiddo when polling my mom friends. Super hard on parents during the process - so my heart goes out to you - but for us it helped our kiddo learn how to fall asleep on his own. Kiddos definitely regress as they develop though so in our case at 13 mos we caved and just dealt with him sleeping with us - took covid and being around us 24-7 for him to stay in his room all night :)

Yes it works. Do it. For your sanity later.

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