Does it bother you when a guy you’re seeing isn’t a huge texter? I’m always on my phone but I know not everyone is like that (tbh I need to work on it) We’ve been on 3 dates that were great. We both seem very interested. He made reservations for the first 2 dates and the last one we sat by beach, went in a few shops, & got coffee & dessert. He’s very complimentary and affectionate so I know he likes me. But he only texts like once or twice a day (like paragraphs) and it makes me insecure.

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Yeah, it bothers me. I work biglaw m&a, and even in times of billing a 100 hour week, I only had at most a 12 hour response time to my SO’a text. We make time for the things that are important to us and it’s hard to not interpret lack of communication as not being seen as important. I know other people think and feel differently about it, and to them their texting frequency has no indication of how they feel, but for me personally it’s too big of an incompatibility to not communicate more frequently. Even short little calls/facetimes to say hello instead of texting.

Maybe I have attachment issues but I know what I want and need🤷‍♀️

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No, I kind of prefer to not have the pressure of needing to maintain constant contact. My SO and I never really texted in the ‘talking’ stage, but we’d chat on the phone now and again. Habits now will define habits if you start dating. That being said, you know what works for you.

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I feel your first sentence in my soul

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Ooh. I’m the bad texter in this situation. It’s not a reflection on you – it’s purely communication styles. I find constant texts to get a little annoying after a while, so I’ll regularly mute any fast-moving conversations and get back to them later when I have more mental headspace to respond.

I think having a conversation about communication styles is reasonable, but I’ve had more than one date interrogate me about why I’m not texting them back quickly enough and that, frankly, doesn’t feel great.

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OMG this is me. I once broke up with someone because all the constant texting was stressing me out! It felt like micromanaging the relationship.

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My fiancé hates texting. He made an effort when we were first dating but the (low) frequency of his texts caused me tons of anxiety. It had no correlation with his level of interest though. Once we were together for awhile and more comfortable with each other, I told him how nervous it made me in the beginning of our relationship and he was surprised. He thought he’d been texting me a lot 😂 People just have different preferences!

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This! I am not a huge texter and my bf is. We’ve been together for a year now. I felt like I was ripping my hair out at the beginning trying to keep up with all his texts. It wasn’t that I wasn’t interested, but that I was so busy at work and found it hard to get things done when this hot guy was texting me all day, lol. You guys will find your communication groove eventually. Lack of texting does not mean he isn’t interested.

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One thoughtful paragraph a day is better than strings of meaningless one-off texts. It’s nice he’s devoting a few minutes to think about you and update you. But also if nothing exciting happens in my life I definitely feel like I don’t have anything to text about and I worry about boring people? Because sometimes I would rather be left alone instead of forcing a conversation if there isn’t much to talk about. My husband and I have been together 10 years and if we are separated for a day I don’t feel the need to text constantly if nothing is going on, whereas he will call me multiple times just to say hi. I usually only call to say goodnight or to tell him something. Some people are over-thinkers and it could be that too!

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It used to bother me when I was younger. Not anymore. I am actually more attracted to guys that don’t text nonstop. It hurts productivity and feels meaningless. When I am working I don’t respond to text messages unless it is important. When we text, we exchange a few messages and that’s it. From my experience it is not really a big indicator on whether the guy is into you or not, it is more his habit and life style.

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Haha currently going through this. It used to bother me a bit but not anymore. If it keeps bothering you, I say bring it up when you feel comfortable.

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Lol when I read your post I thought omg this is me minus the paragraphs hahaha I even went to the beach too but my first date 😂 but yeah I think it plays into it bc then you can find yourself sorta waiting for that text without realizing it

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This might be unpopular, but maybe you’re coming off a bit intense for him? It’s been 3 dates and yes communication is important but maybe he’s trying to figure out if he’s/you’re able to commit and if there’s really legs to this beyond just going out a few times.

Give some space and don’t think that just because he isn’t texting you doesn’t mean he doesn’t like you or think you’re worth it. If it looks like you’re heading down a path to DTR then that’s when you should bring up communication preferences and work through those together.

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True. I’m definitely not texting more/being more intense in that regard. I’ve been matching his consistency with texting. In person he’s more affectionate than what I am so that’s why the texting doesn’t match up for me. But he’s always texted like that even on bumble before we met so could just be how he is! Agree with your point not to equate frequency of texting to worth.

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I just start dating other people, doing other things, and just muting there texts so I see their texts on my own time. Two can play at that game. I'm busy as well buddy. Sometimes I would also delete their numbers and put it in my safe so I wouldn't have the urge to text them. That's me passive aggressive bitch. Actually some guys find this attractive and a challenge.

likefunny

Lmao I also do the deleting their number thing to avoid double texting😂

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It bothers me so much. It’s nearly a deal breaker

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It definitely bothers me but I feel like anecdotally the guys I know are more functional texters. They’ll text to set up plans but won’t chat in between. I’ve definitely seen the range in dating. He could also be trying to play it cool early on. At the end of the day, if you don’t know you can always ask or communicate your texting needs. There’s nothing worse than miscommunication driving everyone to think the worst of the situation

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Man I’m so glad I’m not in the dating scene because the anxiety of this drove me crazy. My first date with my husband, we were together until 2 am and then he texted me at 9 the next morning. He always made me feel very secure (but not smothered), which was one of the biggest green flags. With that said, I think it’s too early to write him off if you’re having a good time in person. It’s just up to you if he’s worth the short-term anxiety haha.

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That’s bothering the crap out of me right now. I just remembered this post and came back to it. I’m this close to saying forget it 😂 I never told him about my issue with his terrible texting but he said, “I don’t believe in texting very much jn between dates because then they just ghost you.”

No, sir, I think people don’t feel connected to you as you’re like a stranger between dates so they end up ghosting you because it fizzles out due to your t texting

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It was a fun date, but shit I don’t do well with infrequent texting. My closest friends know this, and they text frequently (even friends in vastly different time zones I haven’t seen in years)

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Once or twice a day is A LOT! This has nothing to do with him and everything to do with you.

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Nice way of putting it

You’re a professional. Once during the work day is plenty!

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I’m the bad texter in this situation.. It’s never the person, it’s just the pressure and stress of maintaining constant communication. What’s weird is that I’d be totally fine with chatting over FT or phone but texting is just not for me. This early on I wouldn’t read too much into it.

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No, I hate texting

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