Does it bother you when someone you care about won't let you treat them (like on special occasions such as birthdays and stuff)? I don't know why it's upsetting me so much, and I'm trying to figure out what the root of my issue is. I'm getting overly emotional about it. It makes me feel like I'm making it about me vs. them, which is not what I want to do at all. On the contrary, I want them to enjoy whatever I treat them to, but this is all backfiring because I can't control my emotions.

Posting as :
works at
You are currently posting as works at

Consider the fact that their love language may not be gifts or acts of service. Why don’t you ask them how they’d like for you to show them your appreciation and then respect their choice?

like

They specifically said they wanted this thing, and they like gifts. So it bothered me that now they don't want it.

You are reacting that way because to you it feels like they are rejecting you as a person when they reject your offer to treat them.

likesmart

When you say overidentify, does that mean not dwelling on it? I tried but bottling up my feelings just doesn't work for me and then blurted out how upset I was unfortunately. I tried ti explain why I was upset too. The outcome was that they backtracked and said no they liked it and will keep it. And then I said you're just saying that to be nice, and of course they deny it now. So we are getting no where. I just won't bring it up anymore, but I can't let this happen again. I should be able to control my emotions.

The whole point of giving a gift is it’s supposed to be something that they enjoy, not you. Figure out what they would really like (or just ask) and do that…or if they’d prefer not to celebrate at all, respect that and move on.

like

Exactly, and it was something they would enjoy and wanted...

You’d like to feel like an equal partner?

Related Posts

Can someone help me on this? Is choosing Fiserv over HSBC/ Citibank advisible?

Post Photo
like

Is the salary at Winstead/Jackson Walker in Dallas lockstep? I’m looking into their RE groups and have no idea how much a 4th year can expect to make. Any info on this or bonuses? Not much on the web on this. Thanks!

like

Anyone buy a house in the past few weeks? What rate did you get quoted at?

like

What are outpatient PTs doing to protect themselves during manual therapy? We have gloves and masks but I still feel so exposed, and I’m so worried about bringing this home to my family. Can we refuse hands-on treatments at this time?

like

anyone have a read on DDB SF?

I taught the math lesson so abominably that the vice principal (who was observing at the back of the classroom) took over my lesson. How do you recover after a terrible day at work?

like
like

I have been promised a promotion three times now, but when the time comes, I'm told I'm not there yet. Why promise something if you clearly don't want to execute it?

like

What do you do when you don’t trust your boss? They have been seen lurking around corners when our team is talking with each other. When he/she got in trouble for over working the team, cont’d...

like

Taking Trazodone to help me quiet my mind so I can fall asleep - it works for that but now I wake up 3 hours into the night and my anxiety keeps me up. Any suggestions for non-addictive sleep aids that can help me sleep and stay asleep without feeling groggy?

like

What does it mean when the recruiter talks more?

like

Just moved to NYC & in-need of some medication 🌳 any tips on finding a plug without being creepy or alienating the few acquaintances I have here?

like

How do you eliminate orphan RAW files? Let's say that you shoot RAW + jpeg, and take 500 shots during a trip, then you screen your shots in jpg and discard 80% of your shots, now you have have 400 RAW files you don't need/want, but you do need the other 100 shots. How do you get rid of the 400 garbage RAW files?

I found some applications online, but I don't like installing random files from Github. Is there any SW or process do you recommend?

I would like to transition from a public school with CCSD to a Christian based school. Does anyone work at a religiously centered school? What are the qualifications?

like

I don’t envy the folks on the TSLA engagement

Post Photo
likefunny

There's a lady at work who's probably very smart and good at her job but i feel like she's so dumb sometimes because she always has ideas about how we can reduce our workload by moving it to another team offshore which is obviously great for the company because they have to pay less money for that work but it could mean that our jobs become redundant eventually. Our company has had these sort of transformations in the past and i just don't understand how she doesn't see this

like

To young consultants with no families - why do you stay in Canada when you can make way more money in the US?

like

Anyone ever make the jump from Audit to M&A? If so, how’d it go?

like
like

Additional Posts in Women In Consulting

Women who had kids on their 40s, what are your regrets? I'm finally pregnant after many failed attempts and sadness. Now that im pregnant I'm flipping out. Do you travel still or feel like you no longer have a life or freedom? Having alot of anxiety and not happy about how old I am having them.

like

The joys of being an adult - just refinanced w00t 🥰

likeupliftingfunny

Talk some logic into me please. Been seeing someone for 2 months. We both agreed we aren’t ready for exclusivity & don’t know if we see long term with each other (both have been divorced & hesitant to hop into anything) but that we wanted to continue to see how things develop. We both been on dates with other people. He shared he went on a 2nd date with someone last night & it went well. Why do I feel so cruddy? I’m thinking about what if he likes that person more than me, & commits to them

like

Matching pajama sets that won’t break the bank? (<$100)

like

I want to send a gift to my sister & her husband for heir 1 year wedding anniversary. Ideas that are not flowers?

like

Sooo, anyone want to share their experience with microblading? My eyebrows are so thin and that's the only thing I 'take care of' (aka fill em in) before stepping out... I'm a no makeup person 98% of the time but can't imagine going with my naked eyebrows.
Considering microblading but would love to hear personal experiences

like

Hi ladies! An old chestnut but would still love to hear your advice: i am fairly certain a key senior stakeholder is being difficult because he perceives me as a senior non white woman trying to boss him around. I have heard that he doesn’t like to surround himself with people cleverer than him in fear of them taking over his job, which to me further confirms this is a possibility. What can/should I do? TIA!

like

When the best part of your workday was your OBGYN appointment.... you know it’s been a rough one.

likefunny

How do you all date as consultants?! Where do you find men? Do you go on dates while traveling?

like

I recently decided to slow down communication with one woman on my team because she is constantly trying to have social conversations about her personal life/beliefs and it was super distracting. She noticed that I had been responding less and completely went off on me!!! Why are people like this? This woman is close to 40 and I am 2 years out of college. Is this behavior normal/has this happened to anyone else before? I swear I feel like I’m in middle school again.

like

Ladies would you purchase a home with a boyfriend or would you rather get married first?

like

Thoughts on dating while living at your parents house during covid? I feel like I have to tell my parents who I’m seeing, but feel so uncomfortable divulging things about my dating life before it’s anything serious. Haven’t tried FaceTime dates due to feeling a lack of privacy. Any suggestions on how to make it work?

like

My cleaning lady now drives to our apartment and finds street parking. She got a ticket last week for not seeing the signs. I suggested to her if the signs weren’t clear she could contest it. I’m struggling here - should I pay for the ticket? On one level, she has worked with us for a long time, but I also don’t think it’s necessarily my responsibility. I give her a nice bonus and raise each year. Do I pay it once as a good will gesture? She has other clients too that she drives too.

like

I recently presented to some potential new hires on a video call. DURING the call, one of the potential hires sent me a DM on LinkedIn saying "Hey ;) Maybe we can collaborate" What the hell do I do? It feels so unprofessional. This guy has already been offered a job, we were just trying to convince them to accept. But I am uncomfortable.

likefunny

What movie should I watch (feeling rom - com)

like

Just finished Indian Matchmaking. Has anyone else watched it? What are your thoughts?

like

How do you carry your stuff to work? I have the analyst backpack I got when I joined but not sure if a large tote would work better.

like

Friday night check - in! How’s everyone feeling? I have another couple hours of work then I will get in a workout + wine to unwind, then see what’s on Netflix. Bummed that my online orders didn’t make it by end of business week to cheer me up!

like

How often are you ladies, living with their SO, having sex in the current situation? Pre COVID for me it was 3-4x a week but now he doesn’t seem to be into it. Spends his day working & nights gaming😭

like

New to Fishbowl?

Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
That was just a preview…
Sign Up to see all discussions
  • Discover what it’s like to work at companies from real professionals
  • Get candid advice from people in your field in a safe space
  • Chat and network with other professionals in your field
Sign up in seconds to unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.

Already a user?
Login here

Share

Embed this post

Copy and paste embed code on your site

Preview

Download the
Fishbowl app

See what’s happening in your industry
from the palm of your hand.

A phone with Fishbowl app

Send download link to your phone

OR

Scan your QR code to download
Fishbowl app on your mobile

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.

Messaging rates may apply

Download app

Sign up for free to view this conversation on Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy

Already have an account? Log in

Sign up for free to continue using Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use(New) and Privacy Policy(New)
Messaging rates may apply

Already have an account? Log in

For account settings, visit Fishbowl on Desktop Browser or

General

Legal