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Consider the fact that their love language may not be gifts or acts of service. Why don’t you ask them how they’d like for you to show them your appreciation and then respect their choice?
They specifically said they wanted this thing, and they like gifts. So it bothered me that now they don't want it.
Conversation Starter
You are reacting that way because to you it feels like they are rejecting you as a person when they reject your offer to treat them.
When you say overidentify, does that mean not dwelling on it? I tried but bottling up my feelings just doesn't work for me and then blurted out how upset I was unfortunately. I tried ti explain why I was upset too. The outcome was that they backtracked and said no they liked it and will keep it. And then I said you're just saying that to be nice, and of course they deny it now. So we are getting no where. I just won't bring it up anymore, but I can't let this happen again. I should be able to control my emotions.
Pro
The whole point of giving a gift is it’s supposed to be something that they enjoy, not you. Figure out what they would really like (or just ask) and do that…or if they’d prefer not to celebrate at all, respect that and move on.
Exactly, and it was something they would enjoy and wanted...
You’d like to feel like an equal partner?