Mental Health & Support

Even when I’m doing well I’m always low key wishing I would die

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I cannot recommend starting therapy ASAP more highly. It’s honestly life changing when you find a therapist that you click with. There’s always something to live for—please don’t give up <3 if you’re in NY and ever wanna grab a drink or a coffee, lmk!

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@OP observationaly, it sounds like you need a sabbatical, long vacation, or medical leave to effectively address your mental health. I’ve known individuals who were able to negotiate unpaid leave during times of extreme stress and anguish. Or use their disability, which requires a diagnosis of mental illness (equal employment provisions say “you are protected against discrimination and harassment at work because of your condition, you have workplace privacy rights, and you may have a legal right to get reasonable accommodations that can help you perform and keep your job.”). We both know that mental health is stigmatized and you’ll be forever walking a tightrope once you return, but you come first and it might be worth looking into.

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I get it OP. I feel this way regularly. My silver lining is always that nothing last for ever. It sounds sad, but knowing that each moment is fleeting helps me savour my rare minutes of enjoyment and use them as something to motivate me.

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What is the source of this feeling?

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Hopelessness. Would rather die than continue.

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I’m sorry OP. As you can see, you are not alone. Are you taking any steps to toward self care or finding support?

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Yes, but slowly. I’ve been on the edge of going to a therapist for awhile now, but I’m working on doing some quality of life things beforehand. It’s just I feel I’ve been fighting this for so long — I’ve become so weak and tired over the years and don’t have the strength anymore. Work both alleviates and exacerbates this feeling...A part of me knows there are steps and ways to cope but most of the time another part of me just doesn’t see why I should bother.

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