More Posts
Enthusiast
Additional Posts in Women In Consulting
Conversation Starter
Chief
Has anyone taken the sphr exam?
Enthusiast
Chief
Conversation Starter
New to Fishbowl?
Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
I myself have cheated and my partner did at the same time (lots of reasons so I don’t want to make this post about that) - and yes it took 6 months to repair but 8 years later and we’re happier than we’ve ever been and I’m so glad we did work through it.
I’m intrigued as to whether my story is an anomaly or there are others out there that have survived and thrived affairs?
Love this post! Looking forward to hearing some success stories.
Go listen to Esther Perel- where should we begin
Outlier. Perhaps because both people cheated at the same time.
Dan Savage is also a relevant voice to listen to in terms of cheating. He and his partner have been together for 25 years or so
Esther Perel also has a fantastic book “the state of affairs,” which explores affairs, why they happen and what happens after and why it is such a taboo in our culture. I think it’s a fascinating read for anyone in a relationship.
Totally reccomend this book
I’ve experienced this in my marriage and I’m happy to say we are pushing through this issue. I’m never saying cheating is “acceptable” but I think ALL marriages are tested in different ways. I believe God test you on the question “for better or worst” we stand before him and say yes to this question but as soon as “worse” comes, we tend to bail on that part of the vows but that’s not what we stood before God and said. He never told us what “worse” look like but we vowed for better or worse. So when I looked at it from that perspective, I decided to give my marriage a chance to thrive and I can say I’m secure in the place we are in at this time. I pray my post encourages someone to WORK at it. It’s not easy but your hard work will pay off.
A2 How did you work through it? Does it not come between you most of the time esp when you try to get close? If you don’t mind sharing.
Why is everyone raves about Esther Perel. Are you all ok with that being used to justify cheating. In my mind this is basic human decency. There are other things to try if you are not happy, therapy for one, before one resorts to cheating. Any grown adult knows full well that it is wrong and it’s going to hurt the partner but he/she chooses to do it anyways.
Everyone knows cheating is wrong but so many people still do it. So there has to be larger, more significant root problems underneath it all. I personally like her books because she looks at this issue at a much deeper level beyond the shaming we do in society. It’s so easy to shame but much harder to listen and understand the underpinnings of what happened and how it happened. I don’t think she preaches cheating as the right thing to do but that we need to look deeper into what those issues were that led to it. We don’t grow as people unless we do. And if we don’t, we repeat the same mistakes over and over. I have been in the same type of relationship cycle many times over because I never looked into it at a deeper level. And what I am finding as I do this time is the foundation in which I grew up with was very unstable and pushes me to these behaviors to self sabotage. I’m working through it slowly but this is a very hard lesson learned and I wouldn’t have discovered it if it were for everything I’ve been thru in my relationships.