F here. I’ve had trouble in relationships because idk how to fight healthily. I’ve been going to therapy for it but I’m struggling atm because my boyfriend who I love so much, I’ve brought to his breaking point with my anxiety fueled approach. I don’t blame him. A lot of this stems from watching my parents & their toxic fights. I want to change not only for myself but for him, because I believe he is worth changing for. But has anyone ever gone through this & made it out better?

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Idk if this will apply but you mentioned anxiety… I am very anxious also. Earlier in our relationship during arguments it would turn into me just spiraling that he will like me less or break up with me because we had a disagreement. Talking through it he told me that it wasn’t fair that I was assuming that about him, and also not fair to him that I wasn’t let him express his emotions because I was anxious about having a fight. That really reframed things for me and put things in perspective, and helps me check myself now!

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This definitely applies because I explode whenever I feel threatened even when I shouldn’t have felt threatened. I over analyze even the smallest things for no reason which causes me a lot of anxiety which is frequently put on him. He doesn’t deserve that and I surely don’t deserve to constantly think this way. It’s definitely a work in progress, I just have been this way before but therapy has helped me realize that it’s really on me to change and not the person I’m dating. I just worry I’ll always be like this.

The sentence “because I believe he’s worth changing for” annoys me. It brings me back to previous toxic relationships where the person made a fight out of everything. That was our biggest problem, every day it felt like walking on eggshells and hell until I decided it didn’t matter how much I loved them, I had given them enough time and was done. I guess I wasn’t worth changing for

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Tbh that is how I am. I make a fight over the smallest things because I overthink things. I’m sorry the person didn’t change for you. I definitely did not change for my ex and I deeply regret putting him through that. It’s more of I noticed I need to change for me as it’s following me with every relationship. I’m sure that person will come to the same realization.

It's mature of you to recognize your own faults and want to make a change... Don't be so hard on yourself though, as a true renewal of your mind will take time. Keep trying with all you've got! The right one will come around at the right time when you're ready.

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I’ve never thought of trying to forgive my parents. I love them and honestly they gave me the best they could given their situation.

I listened to a podcast recently that told me that my partner doesn’t need to nurture my inner child and that hit differently, because I do think it’s my inner child self lashing out bcus of how unsafe she can feel.

Definitely trying to be patient with myself as well, but it’s hard to not feel like I should’ve caught on to this soon enough

Honestly continue going therapy, that will 100% help, do not give that up at all. Also read books and articles about anxious attachment and avoidant attachment. I wonder if he’s avoidant. Usually anxious people get triggered often by avoidant partners and therefore that ends up in picking fights too. Lastly, figure out in therapy what do you need to feel less anxious. You def need to work on yourself but there might be small gestures that your partner can do to help relieve that anxiety in the relationship. Maybe he can be more reassuring or more vocal about his love, more affectionate. These are fair things to ask. Also improve your communication and understanding of your feelings (something to learn in therapy) so when you start feeling anxious just try to communicate how you are feeling and why to your SO, and try to do that in a calm way. Then proceed to communicate your needs too. Example: “ your sentence made me feel really upset because for me it’s disrespectful. It’s important for me that you understand that. I would appreciate an apology and a hug would definitely make me feel better”

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