{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "FB guys-need advice here. On a demand client and intense travel. Asked husband to DTD over weekend, to which he responded that we need intimacy, not scheduled sex. Asked him to define intimacy (cont)", "post_id": "58178c1246bf630e0039595f", "reply_count": 22, "vote_count": 3, "bowl_id": "552d1d24dc1c586b09d2d051", "bowl_name": "Consulting", "feed_type": "crowd" }
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FB guys-need advice here. On a demand client and intense travel. Asked husband to DTD over weekend, to which he responded that we need intimacy, not scheduled sex. Asked him to define intimacy (cont)

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I don't mean for this to come out the wrong way or offend you, but do you have any suspicions that he might be cheating? A year is a long time to go without sex and I think men in general have higher sexual libidos than women so it's kind of surprising that he doesn't want to or feel the urge to do it

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Maybe try scheduling other things that would result in intimacy without actually telling him all that? Like schedule a date night, schedule a "kids at grandmas night", and you secretly plan the rest?

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2mo since last sex? Omg.... y'all need to talk!

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FB might help but perhaps look into professional help bc there's probably a bigger issue here bc a year without sex with someone who sleeps next to you is a bit too long. You can make it to the dentist twice a year but can't have sex with someone you love in your own bed?

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DTD?

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Quick advice: keep talking about it. What does he want, what's not working, etc.

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Have tried the date nights but just ends with us going to sleep. Family loves out of town, so we can do babysitters but no grandparents. It's been 2 months since the last time, and a year between those two, so I feel like I am beating a dead horse here...

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Men peak around 18-24 libido wise, woman around 40(ish), not uncommon to be differently aligned. Could be something as easily addressable as low(er) testosterone..

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You need to take a vacation together.. You need alone time away from work and everything

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, to which he replied if it needed a definition, he wasn't interested in clarifying. We both travel and have kids, so I thought scheduling time together was intimacy. Am I wrong here? What to do? Or is he just over it?

"Do the deed"

...and a year before that. And I am asking constantly....

What worked for you guys in the beginning? Think back to your early dating days and maybe try to recreate one of those dates/nights?

And a year between those 2? I can't live go without DTD for a week

My phone sux

@kpmg1 - agreed we could use the help and this is not a replacement. I'm just trying to understand from a guy's point of view. Have suggested counseling but he's not interested - just starts yelling and I let it go.
@kpmg2 - no, I don't think he is, but for his sake, I hope he is because it is no way to go through life and at least there is a solution (he's over us)

There is a problem. I've had dry spells almost as long but it was related to weight gain, babies and the lot. Unhappiness festers.

Speaking as someone on the other end, and as crazy as this sounds, he might be having performance anxiety. My wife and have been together a long time and I've been traveling most of it. Sometimes we go a few weeks without DTD, really without realizing it - busy lives and all- and then when I realize it's been awhile, sometimes I build up in my head that I have to "deliver" in a big way which actually just stresses me out, to the point where I have no interest in getting down. What works for us is for my wife to initiate operation hit it. If I don't have time to think, performance is a non issue and I can focus on being in the moment. To get to that point though, we had to talk about it.

Another one from the other side - we had been trying to get pregnant for like 6 months and with the traveling life style, sex had become a scheduled task. After pregnancy and the birth, we tried to initiate sex couple of times but didn't enjoy - needed sleep more than sex, baby started crying, etc. so we are pretty happy being companions but not at all great great sexually. Might get better once the baby is older though. Don't think it is such a big deal as we both have higher priorities right now

ey2 - very normal. It will get better when the baby is older.

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