Feeling desperate. First summer sober. 213 days. I feel trapped by my own crazy schedule. Don’t know if I should pursue an MBA or not. Went to an AA meeting today but it was not enough. Working the program with my sponsor. I have everything, I am truly fortunate yet it does not feel that way inside. I can only feel lonely, empty and lost.

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During my first year, it was all I could do to stay employed, I can't fathom having gone for an MBA during that period.

I would be cautious about consciously or subconsciously trying to fill the void with school, work, a relationship, etc. That's precisely what we were doing with alcohol, and it was never enough. Other outside "cures" will likely prove to be no different.

Time heals a lot, though perhaps you could dive a little deeper into the spiritual side of sobriety. Many of us have found new purpose and meaning on thst path.

If all else fails, work with another alcoholic.

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What step are you on? Sometimes when we’re between steps it’s like we’ve become aware of some dark part of our past (or personality) but we haven’t yet healed from it or forgiven ourselves for it. If that’s the case, I suggest patience and diligence.

If you’ve gone through all 12 steps and still feel lonely, empty, and lost (a trifecta of emotions that I’m very familiar with), it can mean I need to take some action and get more engaged with the fellowship. Sometimes it means chairing a meeting, and sometimes it means getting coffee with an AA friend (or something similar). If that’s the case, remember that the low times never last forever. Neither do the high times, but I know, from experience, that I’ll always be okay and a drink won’t make anything any better.

And lastly, alcohol was my solution. Of course it created all sorts of problems, but I originally turned to alcohol to help me feel comfortable in my own skin, to free myself from my parent’s dysfunctional approach to parenting, and because alcohol seemed to fill the hole in my soul (at least temporarily). After getting sober, and thus without the alcohol, I can feel the void of that hole more acutely, and the hole got bigger and deeper and uglier over time. For me, I needed to explore another recovery program that got to the core of my childhood issues and to find the right therapist. Both have been invaluable. If that resonates, maybe look into finding a therapist who’s familiar with 12-step recovery and childhood trauma/family dysfunction.

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Based on the feelings you describe, it may not be a good time to take on an MBA. Our sobriety has three key elements: our physical sobriety (the act of not consuming the substances we are powerless over), our emotional sobriety and our spiritual sobriety. Sounds like the last two haven't fully developed for you. Perhaps talk to your sponsor of fellow AA members about a retreat of some kind? There are many at the local and regional level and can help with feeling isolated, lonely, etc. Perhaps a gender exclusive retreat (all men or all women, not a co-ed one).

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