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Can I get 10 likes to start DM. Please Help.
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Meditate!
Mentor
It depends on the situation:
If I have to pushback I'll right down what I'm going to say first before speaking with the person. Like that I don't give in when it's time to do so. Do you have specific situations you generally face?
Mentor
Sometimes I even draw my position on a matter... 30 seconds is all it takes. But it helps to be able to touch and see my thought. Here is an example:
Learn how to distinguish the facts versus the interpretations your mind is making up. We believe we are reacting to external forces but the reality is we react to the internal fears inside of our minds. At some point, you likely learned asking for what you need (ie assertive) and pushing back (ie “conflict”) were bad things. I’d reflect on those stories. Get to know those voices intimately. When they show up, ask them what they are designed to protect. Which is usually some fear based on an old story. There’s a book that dives into how your inner world impacts your outer game behaviors and leadership- Mastering Leadership. I suggest you read the section about the reactive tendency of compliance. Good luck!
I took boxing lessons, didn’t learn how to box well, but figured out my anger and anxiety
Loved my boxing gym
Have you looked into pharmacological remedies? You may need both medicine and cognitive behavioral therapy.
That is the exact same cycle I go through. Thank you for this. I’m going to experiment with dosage now.
Coach
Push back with a reason. I normally explain them in terms of hours and technical feasibility. For example me to Business partner, we will invest 600 extra hours and increase defect injection by 50%, do you really need 2 deployment per month, or is monthly deployment enough? You can guess their response.
Also i pay attention to their inputs, if they have a bigger reason, I'll support them. Along with calling out the added risk in terms of numbers, so that if something falls short, ball is in their court.
I usually know when I am going to push back, but I approach like....”how do you feel or think about this”. I just want to know where they stand before I push back. Sometimes you can influence the outcome you come without the massive in your face push back.
I read a book about negotiations and basically said be prepared to negotiate and ask questions to get more details. If it’s personal and feeling related then people will dig their heals. That’s a true push back. If it’s not then it can be influenced with business or company objectives etc.
Learn sales techniques too
Let's start with breaking this apart into two separate parts.
Anxiety and the depth of it is a good conversation with your primary or OBGYN..either can address it without over doing.
2nd piece is assertiveness or pushback: this depends on what is going on and why. Working through Influence, is more of a strategic tactic with long term relationship benefits. Again, it depends on the situations and you know it best. Reading the people you are with,knowing if it's the same person causing conflict and why. Is the anxiety set off by one thing or the tone in which something is asked or in the way someone tells you to do something. I never mind being asked, but I have a problem being TOLD to do things bc it lacks respect. Be comfortable in acknowledging what ticks you off, its OK... deep breathing exercises help, talk to your doctor a little "help" to filter out the junk that interferes with facts that you simply didnt see before... bc anxiety is a bit like a meteors in space...once the meteors get filtered away, the stars were right there to reach for.
I use facts and data and know my stuff 10 times more than the guys do - like others, I start with a question and then use facts to back up my case in a non threatening way.