Fighting with my husband over Christmas plans. Please advise (read more in the comments)

like
Posting as :
works at
You are currently posting as works at
Highlighted IconHIGHLIGHTED

Don’t let the fear of offending people get in the way of doing what is safe and makes you comfortable. Many people won’t go out of their way to even consider your feelings. Good to think about yourself. You’re in the right here.

like

Ultimately whether somebody is a ‘stranger’ or not has no bearing on the covid risk they present. That they’re a stranger to you doesn’t mean that they’re a stranger to your husbands cousin, and it’s likely that the cousin sees them regularly anyways if they’re inviting them to Christmas, meaning that they’re in your extended bubble. Play it safe and social distance completely or have Christmas with your family but I don’t think that this single person is amping your covid risk substantially.

likesmarthelpful

Sitting in a room with everyone all together doesn’t happen every day, surely? You see some of them on and off, assuming you wear masks and keep it brief?
An actual pod is one where everyone has the same pod, not the intersection of 2 pods.
To be ever clearer: you see your fam as a caregiver, he sees his at work, and you see each other. So it’s so easy to feel you seeing his and him seeing yours is the “same.” It’s not. You see yours. If someone gets ill, you’d presumably quarantine from them and try your best to not spread it to the other family or spouse. You’d have some chance that it might not cross the line and hit everyone.
Sitting in a room all day together on Christmas kills that chance. If your mom has it, everyone is exposed in one swoop, rather than maybe your dad and you maybe able to nip it in the bud.

Your logic is like the people who say “well, I grocery shop so I might as well go to the bar- it’s the same thing.” When the real answer is there are things you have to do and people you have to see, so do that and clamp down on the optional stuff. Pick your few things that are must haves and be as careful as possible and then stay away from the other places and people. That way if you catch it at the grocery store you don’t spread it to the bar. Or if your in laws give it your husband you don’t give it to your mom.

Please, keep every family unit as separate as possible as mush as possible. If you have to visit 5x a week for caregiver FB, don’t go 10x because the seal is broken. Less contact is still better than more!

My Facebook feed literally has 5 deaths on it today from COVID. Remember when we all were saying “I don’t know anyone with it, do you?” In the spring? Now I know of at least a dozen fatalities. People who would not be dead otherwise.

like
Recent IconRecent

PLEASE STAY HOME THIS YEAR. I had COVID back in March and am still dealing with after effects 9 months later. It’s just not worth the risk.

like

I have been experiencing cognitive problems including brain fog, episodes of vertigo, and olfactory hallucinations (phantom smells that smell like burning rubber).

Since COVID, I often feel weak and need to sit down after a small activity like cooking dinner or simply walking up stairs.

I also have constant muscle spasms and feeling of numbness/pins and needles in my limbs. This is usually accompanied by a feeling of “heaviness” in my limbs.

It’s not completely debilitating at this point, but my mind and body do not feel the same. At 32 years old, I feel like I may never feel like I did before having COVID.

helpfullike

You are not wrong. I’ve learned that I should care much more about my wife’s feelings than my parents but it’s easier said than done. Best advice I’ve implemented is never go to bed angry. Keep talking.

like

Thank you. We try to live by that, but here we are. I don’t think he’s learned that lesson just yet. Granted, we haven’t been married for long yet.

The challenge I feel is that everything is using different judgements with the same set if facts. Personally I’d say no Christmas with either.

Ultimately you and your husband need to get on the same page in terms of risk and use that to determine what makes sense

like

The reason why we’re having a surge right now because millions of dummies had to mingle on Thanksgiving. Have we not learned this lesson yet?

like

What’s very conclusive is the-primary mode of transmission : indoor face-to face interactions for over 15 mins.

The data is catching up but the reasoning adds up.

Oh I feel you. My husband, myself and my 5 year old were planning to fly from NYC-SFO on Dec 11 (our extended family lives in Northern CA). My husband and I fought and struggled because logistically we could quarantine but only safely see one side of the family. Then I had a Moment of Clarity while jogging on the west side highway (ok I was masked up in an Uber XL but still) - the sunlight hit the Hudson and the message was: go nowhere. This is not the year. So we cancelled the trip. CA went into lockdown the next day. I’m not prescribing what you should do, but follow your intuition and do what feels right for you, your family and friends. Best wishes and kind regards xx

like

Thank you. If only I could get my husband to be on the same page...:(

like

You’re suggesting that your father and mother in law will not get to see their family on Christmas Eve, but instead to just hang out with your family, and as a daughter in law proposing this idea to them could be viewed as insensitive. Also if your family is high risk, why are you making an exception for them to come over Christmas Eve, it can appear you’re doing favoritism here. Asking everyone to compromise just ends up annoying everyone really. Suggestion is to not meet his family, your family, cousin’s family, if you’d like to be consistent with your concern around corona hygiene.

like

day, at least my family wouldn't have direct contact with them. My husband doesn't want to offend his family and doesn't seem to want to propose this to them. We got in a big fight and I feel like I have done more than enough to compromise and meet in the middle for something that shouldn't be such a big deal to him? I feel like he is placing his fear to offend them above something that is so important to me, and thus, above me overall. Am I wrong?

likeuplifting

No you’re not wrong.

like

My husband and I are invited to his cousin’s house for Christmas. He works with his cousin, so they’re “in our bubble.” My family is high risk and was also invited. Turns out they are having a stranger over as well, and I no longer feel comfortable going and neither does my family. I do not want to celebrate Christmas without my family, so I proposed we invite both mine and my husband’s family over to our house on Christmas eve. And the cousin’s family can celebrate differently on Christmas d

like

stay home be safe

like

Our best friends just dealt with a similar issue. Husband wanted to drive to see family out of state, but one of his family members works as a bartender and the bar has been operating off and on. His wife (my wife’s best friend) was not at all comfortable with traveling and led to a lot of friction. After a convo with my wife she ultimately sat down with her husband and laid out all of her concerns, cancelled their travel plan even though he hasn’t seen his family in months. It’s not easy but they were able to have a rational discussion about it. Not sure how your SO will react but it’s worth continuing to discuss as you both need to feel safe. Sounds like you proposed a decent solution, best of luck.

Stay home! Christmas will come again.

Some perspective from Europe: Most people I know only celebrate within the core family, so without parents or siblings. In many countries this is also mandated by the government (and more or less strictly enforced). Some may visit for a short walk outside, but not for a lengthy dinner insight. And mind you, Christmas is a big deal over here. The US chose to leave it in the hands of its people so deal with it responsibly. Distance today, so that we can hug again tomorrow...

It’s just one Christmas, but it could easily be the last Christmas for you or someone you deeply care about.

In the same vein, you could be the reason it’s someone’s last Christmas...

like

Do you secretly hate your family and want life insurance payouts?

Related Posts

Larsen & Toubro Infotech Hi all, how is Cuelogic BU in Larsen & Toubro Infotech , learning and wlb?

My last date is nearing, please reply

like

While we might not agree on Trump, we can all agree that Tomi Lahren is the dumbest person in America / the worst

likefunny

The below screen shot is current status of Barclays offer.. any way to download the offer letter?Barclays Accenture Tata Consultancy

Post Photo
like

Has anyone successfully claimed that income from a NY big law firm is not NY income based on TSB-M-06(5)I (May 15, 2006)? I think that my situation meets all the factors necessary. I am going to claim that the income should be sourced from Texas—I worked out of the Houston office from time to time while there. I was in Texas for more than half the year.

likefunny

Any science focused personal trainers here experienced in coaching people with history of eating disorder in London (UK)? I want to start training but scared to restart a bad relationship with exercise

like

Could anyone from PwC AC Bangalore clarify?

If I install intelligent hub/PwC Gmail and other applications in my "personal smartPhone", will I loose my phone data (photos etc) in case of forgetting password and have to factory reset my phone?

I'm very much confused, I was abstaining from installing it but today I have installed.

For those of you that have taken parental leave, how were your quota, territory and opportunities managed while you were out and when you returned? Any tips on how best to navigate this time as an AE taking parental leave?

like

Hello Guys,

I am currently working with JPMC and my CTC is 21 LPA, I got an offer from Visa for 27LPA. Should I switch? How is Visa in terms of WLB, Job security etc?

like

Sweet & sour pork ribs. 糖醋排骨

Post Photo
like

Hi Sharks,

I have recently joined new organisation where my offer is 18fixed + 1.8variable.

I was having CTC of 8lpa in my previous organisation.

How could be the tax calculation for this year? How the tax is computed with 2 different CTC's? In which tax slab I would come under as per old regime?

I have joined in Oct with new organisation. Till Sept I was with old organization.

like

Can any one help me to learn SAP SD . I am from sales profile having 6 YOE. Trying to get into IT profile.

like

I am holding two offers one is IBM 16.7 lacs fixed and Zensar 18.3 lacs fixed. Which company is best to join?
I have total 5 YOE as full stack developer.
Can anyone suggest please.

like

Hi folks,
Got promoted for L4 , SIM has been raised for me. Manager and L5 approvals given. HM said its in process and will take sometime. Can someone tell me how long will this process take. Its already been 2 weeks and didn’t get any mail.

like

Dear all,
How is the pay scale, wlb, employee satisfaction, yearly hike, technology (cloud, SRE, DevOps) and overall growth in Deutsche Bank, Pune. I have cleared first two rounds, expecting things go well. YOE - 13+

like

What is the salary offered for business analyst role at Amazon for 4+ years of experience? TIA

like

Hello Fishes,
Looking for referral at
NTT DATA Data. Your willingness to refer is highly appreciated. Please DM me to provide referral.
Thanks in advance

like

How do you eat healthy while on the road? Hate eating cold salads for dinner and room service is too expensive. I just want some warm protein and veggies for dinner, but it's hard to find.

like

pros/cons of getting a top secret? currently have a secret and have the opportunity to get one but idk if I'll be pigeonholing myself as "the data science guy with a ts" if that makes sense

like

#BlackInNeuro movement pretty neat. Glad to see that happening

like

Additional Posts in The Work-Life Bowl

Benefits of a book club to drive capability building and thought leadership for teams?

like

Is it just me feeling this way or does anyone else feel people are being incredibly selfish? I went for a drive and saw a bunch of people outside eating at restaurants and walking outside with no masks on and not just not giving a fck

likefunny

Under what circumstances is it justified to quit a well paying, stable, good consulting profession without any future plan? I have a comfortable life but no happiness. Should i jump ship and take the risk of drowning in the hope that I'll learn to swim?

like

Do you truly think cities like Miami, Seattle , NYC will be flooding/ underwater within the next few decades?

like

Suggestions for ergonomical WFH equipment? Heard people struggling with general discomfort during WFH due to their equipment (chair, desk, mouse, etc) and want to get ahead of the curb to avoid this.

like

Do you have a responsibility to be tested if you have a known exposure to COVID?

like

Last year companies across the board changed their logos to reflect pride month. This year it seems like we are afraid to acknowledge and celebrate two groups at once.

like

The Epstein Netflix doc is a great choice if you want to lose a little more faith in humanity.

likefunnyupliftinghelpful

Social distancing tape markings on the floor of Target

Post Photo
likefunny

I would come to the office

Post Photo
likefunnysmart

Lenox Hill "Pandemic" episode. Heartbreaking and frustrating.

like

What are the reasons you do not want to wear a mask in public?

like

Why do I have the feeling that Betsy DeVos sent her kids to chicken pox parties back in the day?

like

Anyone worried about not being able to see boyfriend / girlfriend if we are put under lockdown and you don’t live together? Can they restrict people from going to each others houses?

likefunny

I am currently in sales and I hate it. Does anybody know of any good career paths I could pivot to that I could make a decent salary that is not sales?

likefunny

Anyone knows of a good deal on office chair?

like

I get that you’re “old fashioned.”

I don’t care. Please message me before you call. (ESP at 8am 🙄)

like

I'm not going to get back 5 hours of my life.

Watched "Indian Matchmaking". Full of incredulous stereotypes that I abhor. Indian here, btw.

likefunnyhelpful

Am I the only one that doesn’t like the smell of essential oils? They’re always touted as refreshing, relaxing, magical, the best scent for home, etc etc. They all smell the same to me: medicinal and crunchy. Tried countless and never found one I like. Guess I’m destined to breathe in toxic artificial “midnight sands” fumes.

like

As if 2020 wasn't bad enough...McCauley Caulkin just turned 40. Feel old yet?

likefunny

New to Fishbowl?

Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
That was just a preview…
Sign Up to see all discussions
  • Discover what it’s like to work at companies from real professionals
  • Get candid advice from people in your field in a safe space
  • Chat and network with other professionals in your field
Sign up in seconds to unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.

Already a user?
Login here

Share

Embed this post

Copy and paste embed code on your site

Preview

Download the
Fishbowl app

See what’s happening in your industry
from the palm of your hand.

A phone with Fishbowl app

Send download link to your phone

OR

Scan your QR code to download
Fishbowl app on your mobile

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.

Messaging rates may apply

Download app

Sign up for free to view this conversation on Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy

Already have an account? Log in

Sign up for free to continue using Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use(New) and Privacy Policy(New)
Messaging rates may apply

Already have an account? Log in

For account settings, visit Fishbowl on Desktop Browser or

General

Legal