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Sweet & sour pork ribs. 糖醋排骨
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Don’t let the fear of offending people get in the way of doing what is safe and makes you comfortable. Many people won’t go out of their way to even consider your feelings. Good to think about yourself. You’re in the right here.
Ultimately whether somebody is a ‘stranger’ or not has no bearing on the covid risk they present. That they’re a stranger to you doesn’t mean that they’re a stranger to your husbands cousin, and it’s likely that the cousin sees them regularly anyways if they’re inviting them to Christmas, meaning that they’re in your extended bubble. Play it safe and social distance completely or have Christmas with your family but I don’t think that this single person is amping your covid risk substantially.
Chief
Sitting in a room with everyone all together doesn’t happen every day, surely? You see some of them on and off, assuming you wear masks and keep it brief?
An actual pod is one where everyone has the same pod, not the intersection of 2 pods.
To be ever clearer: you see your fam as a caregiver, he sees his at work, and you see each other. So it’s so easy to feel you seeing his and him seeing yours is the “same.” It’s not. You see yours. If someone gets ill, you’d presumably quarantine from them and try your best to not spread it to the other family or spouse. You’d have some chance that it might not cross the line and hit everyone.
Sitting in a room all day together on Christmas kills that chance. If your mom has it, everyone is exposed in one swoop, rather than maybe your dad and you maybe able to nip it in the bud.
Your logic is like the people who say “well, I grocery shop so I might as well go to the bar- it’s the same thing.” When the real answer is there are things you have to do and people you have to see, so do that and clamp down on the optional stuff. Pick your few things that are must haves and be as careful as possible and then stay away from the other places and people. That way if you catch it at the grocery store you don’t spread it to the bar. Or if your in laws give it your husband you don’t give it to your mom.
Please, keep every family unit as separate as possible as mush as possible. If you have to visit 5x a week for caregiver FB, don’t go 10x because the seal is broken. Less contact is still better than more!
My Facebook feed literally has 5 deaths on it today from COVID. Remember when we all were saying “I don’t know anyone with it, do you?” In the spring? Now I know of at least a dozen fatalities. People who would not be dead otherwise.
PLEASE STAY HOME THIS YEAR. I had COVID back in March and am still dealing with after effects 9 months later. It’s just not worth the risk.
I have been experiencing cognitive problems including brain fog, episodes of vertigo, and olfactory hallucinations (phantom smells that smell like burning rubber).
Since COVID, I often feel weak and need to sit down after a small activity like cooking dinner or simply walking up stairs.
I also have constant muscle spasms and feeling of numbness/pins and needles in my limbs. This is usually accompanied by a feeling of “heaviness” in my limbs.
It’s not completely debilitating at this point, but my mind and body do not feel the same. At 32 years old, I feel like I may never feel like I did before having COVID.
You are not wrong. I’ve learned that I should care much more about my wife’s feelings than my parents but it’s easier said than done. Best advice I’ve implemented is never go to bed angry. Keep talking.
Thank you. We try to live by that, but here we are. I don’t think he’s learned that lesson just yet. Granted, we haven’t been married for long yet.
Chief
The challenge I feel is that everything is using different judgements with the same set if facts. Personally I’d say no Christmas with either.
Ultimately you and your husband need to get on the same page in terms of risk and use that to determine what makes sense
The reason why we’re having a surge right now because millions of dummies had to mingle on Thanksgiving. Have we not learned this lesson yet?
What’s very conclusive is the-primary mode of transmission : indoor face-to face interactions for over 15 mins.
The data is catching up but the reasoning adds up.
Oh I feel you. My husband, myself and my 5 year old were planning to fly from NYC-SFO on Dec 11 (our extended family lives in Northern CA). My husband and I fought and struggled because logistically we could quarantine but only safely see one side of the family. Then I had a Moment of Clarity while jogging on the west side highway (ok I was masked up in an Uber XL but still) - the sunlight hit the Hudson and the message was: go nowhere. This is not the year. So we cancelled the trip. CA went into lockdown the next day. I’m not prescribing what you should do, but follow your intuition and do what feels right for you, your family and friends. Best wishes and kind regards xx
Thank you. If only I could get my husband to be on the same page...:(
You’re suggesting that your father and mother in law will not get to see their family on Christmas Eve, but instead to just hang out with your family, and as a daughter in law proposing this idea to them could be viewed as insensitive. Also if your family is high risk, why are you making an exception for them to come over Christmas Eve, it can appear you’re doing favoritism here. Asking everyone to compromise just ends up annoying everyone really. Suggestion is to not meet his family, your family, cousin’s family, if you’d like to be consistent with your concern around corona hygiene.
day, at least my family wouldn't have direct contact with them. My husband doesn't want to offend his family and doesn't seem to want to propose this to them. We got in a big fight and I feel like I have done more than enough to compromise and meet in the middle for something that shouldn't be such a big deal to him? I feel like he is placing his fear to offend them above something that is so important to me, and thus, above me overall. Am I wrong?
Enthusiast
No you’re not wrong.
My husband and I are invited to his cousin’s house for Christmas. He works with his cousin, so they’re “in our bubble.” My family is high risk and was also invited. Turns out they are having a stranger over as well, and I no longer feel comfortable going and neither does my family. I do not want to celebrate Christmas without my family, so I proposed we invite both mine and my husband’s family over to our house on Christmas eve. And the cousin’s family can celebrate differently on Christmas d
stay home be safe
Our best friends just dealt with a similar issue. Husband wanted to drive to see family out of state, but one of his family members works as a bartender and the bar has been operating off and on. His wife (my wife’s best friend) was not at all comfortable with traveling and led to a lot of friction. After a convo with my wife she ultimately sat down with her husband and laid out all of her concerns, cancelled their travel plan even though he hasn’t seen his family in months. It’s not easy but they were able to have a rational discussion about it. Not sure how your SO will react but it’s worth continuing to discuss as you both need to feel safe. Sounds like you proposed a decent solution, best of luck.
Stay home! Christmas will come again.
Some perspective from Europe: Most people I know only celebrate within the core family, so without parents or siblings. In many countries this is also mandated by the government (and more or less strictly enforced). Some may visit for a short walk outside, but not for a lengthy dinner insight. And mind you, Christmas is a big deal over here. The US chose to leave it in the hands of its people so deal with it responsibly. Distance today, so that we can hug again tomorrow...
It’s just one Christmas, but it could easily be the last Christmas for you or someone you deeply care about.
Chief
In the same vein, you could be the reason it’s someone’s last Christmas...
Do you secretly hate your family and want life insurance payouts?