Finally pregnant after 4 years of ttc and various treatments. My friend is just starting IVF. They were just 1 year into ttc but tested early and realized they would need IVF. We have discussed many times how hard it is find out that someone is pregnant and so I realize it will be hard for her when I tell her. Im 14 weeks now. When and how would it be best to tell her? Any suggestions?

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Congratulations, OP! As someone who struggled with fertility and ultimately welcomed a baby last spring via IVF I just wanted to say please please please do not say anything to the affect of “your baby will arrive sooner since you’re doing IVF” that is NOT the case for some people who seeks IVF and can be really awful to hear when you’re going through the process and it isn’t working. Your friend will likely be sad when you tell them, but will put on a brave face for you. It’s ok to let them have their feelings. Telling them is the right thing to do, just share and acknowledge your struggle and let them know you want to be mindful of their journey. Congratulations again!

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Congrats Op!!! It’s such a long/difficult journey sometimes. If you don’t mind me asking, how old are you? Also have been waiting long

Maybe highlight to her that it finally happened after 4 years! You can say it will happen even faster for her given she’s doing IVF. I’m sure she’ll be happy for you!

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Hi there! If it’s any reassurance, I tend to find more joy when I hear someone that has been struggling with fertility becomes pregnant vs a friend who does the whole “we were shocked!!” thing (man do I dislike that).

One thing I would suggest. I always appreciate when my friends text me instead of telling me in person. It may feel insincere, and then may understand you are babying the sensitive situation, but at the end of the day even though i didn’t want my friends to “baby” me…. i needed it. And I always appreciated when they told me privately, and ideally via text than in person or on the phone where it could be hard to hide my sadness when I truly only want to share joy with them. Make sense?

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Or just make a general announcement and not one directed to your friend specifically

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I agree, it still stings the same, but as someone who went through it, I struggled during the extended congratulatory conversation

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Congrats! I think your friend will be happy for you! Maybe tell her that you’ve been on this journey together and that you want to share the happy news.

Congrats!! You deserve it. As someone who’s TTC and my friend conceived sooner, I don’t think there was much she could do to prevent me from crying and feeling sad. But I was truly happy for her. I always go back to the adage “lead with empathy.” If you consider her feelings and even set up the discussion with how hard this is to tell her because of how you know from experience how she feels. One thing I personally need, and you know her best, is to avoid the BS and toxic positivity. I know you are. And I know I’m not. Confidence in something else that may not happen is hurtful - to me. But she’s only just started her journey. It could happen so hope and support for her (perhaps sometimes at the expense of your own experience) will be what she needs from you. My friend asks me how my journey is before I remember to check in with her and I love her so much for it. Hope that helps! Wishing you a smooth pregnancy and delivery!

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