{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Fired today for being late to a handful of meetings. Relationship is in shambles and I don't see how this doesn't end in divorce. The things that were supposed to be positive and work out this year are vanishing and falling through. I feel like a complete and utter failure of a husband, partner, father, attorney, and man.", "post_id": "620178106c270f00312d4caf", "reply_count": 84, "vote_count": 81, "bowl_id": "5e8656b80bdab1002a7355dc", "bowl_name": "Confession ", "feed_type": "bowl" }
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Fired today for being late to a handful of meetings. Relationship is in shambles and I don't see how this doesn't end in divorce. The things that were supposed to be positive and work out this year are vanishing and falling through. I feel like a complete and utter failure of a husband, partner, father, attorney, and man.

likeupliftinghelpful
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Let me drop some wisdom on you: as human beings, we are programmed to assign a value to things that happen to us. So we decide on the spot … this is bad for me or this is good for me. And our feelings pretty much line up with that value. So, today I got fired = bad = I feel bad. You get the gist. The reality though is that we lack perspective—meaning we can’t see into the future. This is a fact. So the real truth is that when something happens to us we really have no way of knowing whether it’s good, bad, or neutral. We just don’t know yet. I have found that the key in situations like that is to recognize the feeling, feel the feeling, but then move on to the only thing I have control over which is my actions. Therefore whether getting fired is the worst thing that could happen to you or the best may largely depend on the actions you take in response to it. And always remember that feelings aren’t facts …

likehelpfulupliftingsmart

Well said. Dots connect afterwards.

Like others have said, please please find your support team. One good start is a therapist to serve as an impartial guide. The others are new friends to make new memories with and give you emotional space from the turmoil (e.g. they don’t know every personal aspect of your life yet and won’t continuously ask about your wife, marriage status, kids, etc) while you work on processing the changes and stressors with your therapist. Look for new, healthy things to do that have a social component so you can sweat out stress chemicals while meeting friends (Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, rock climbing, running group, etc). The rest are supportive family and existing friends who have your back in a healthy way (none of this let’s get blackout drunk and pounce whatever walks bs - we deserve better than that).

like
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I love how strangers in this bowl can be so sympathetic and kind towards others. Sometimes strangers are really kinder than your friends and family. Keep your chin up, stranger! No way to go but up!

likeuplifting

“Like” is the wrong word…. Sorry OP.

I'm so sorry to hear that. Maybe you need a break from everything. Since your medical insurance may be terminated, enroll in unemployment and then medicaid. Please search therapy options to help you during this trying, exhaustive time. My heart goes out to you.

likeupliftinghelpful

@C3 - Medicaid requires income verification from my experience.

If she’s not willing to stand by your side during this time, she won’t be there when you’re 80 and in the hospital. If things don’t work out you’re free to refind happiness. Also on the job front, got fired right before getting much better offers. What happened today isn’t indicative of tomorrow.

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Sangin*

We’re hoping the best for you. Please take time for yourself

likeuplifting

D1, we’re wishing you well too - sounds like you’re not doing great either

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I'm looking for jobs and have time. I've been where you are

If you need someone to help you let me know.

Ideas:
- help you prioritize your to do list / make a game plan , contingency plan
- work through your mental health. My guy feeling is you have ADHD (same as me)
- buddy you (as in you create deadlines and I follow up and check in on you periodically - sometimes we need external motivation)
- just allow you to vent - it's hard for a partner to support you as they themselves are suffering with you and don't have the ability to give detached support

likeuplifting

The fact that you’ve gotten this far dealing with this, recent situations aside, shows the breadth of strength you not only currently display but have the capacity to display in the future.

like

There’s only so much a single person can handle. Having a support system and a good wlb is essential. We’re not meant to run-on empty

likeuplifting

Better late than never. It sounds like you are in therapy which is a great first step. Are there any friends or family that you can also open up to? There may even be a veteran support group near you that could be a new network of folks to support you through this difficult time. Wishing you well OP!

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Do you feel like you’re taking care of yourself and meeting your own needs. You can’t keep showing up for others if you’re not showing up for yourself.

Yes, you should strive to be a good husband, a good father, a valuable employee, and a good person but it’s hard to do that when you’re unhappy with yourself. Do some introspection and start being honest with your support system about the needs you haven’t met that have led to this.

Wishing you the best. Sorry you’re going through it.

likeuplifting

I dont even know anymore. I went back into therapy and there's alot of unresolved stuff, not to mention marital problems.

like

I’m so sorry. Try to keep your work and relationship separate. Now that you’re not working, perhaps work on improving the state of your family? What caused you to be late to meetings?

like

You’re NOT a failure, you’re in a rough patch. Over the course of your life, you’ve had peaks and valleys… this is the latter, but you know from experience that these are temporary AND you’re capable of climbing. I’m sorry you’re going through this… please hang in there.

likeuplifting

So sorry to hear. You must be devastated. Just know it’s not the end of you. It’s a new beginning. You are unique, you are special, you’re a good man, you are qualified, you are enough. You are in control. You may feel down today and that’s OK, just know that whether you believe it or not, you matter. You will rise and shine again. It’s not over, and it’s definitely not too late. We believe in you!

likeuplifting

I hope so. What little that is left to hope for.

like

If things are falling through on all fronts, it sounds like something may be falling through with YOU. Whatever *it* is - addiction, depression, a physical ailment... try to figure that out first. It's not your fault that you're struggling, but you're the only one who can pick these pieces up.

Don't worry about the job - it has never been a better time to get any sort of job ever.

Most people, if not all, have challenges like this in their life. You are not a failure. With time and a little effort, this will pass. Wishing you the best!

likehelpfuluplifting

I’m sorry. I know how you feel right now. It will get better.

likeuplifting

Sorry bro. I’ll see you in the gym 💪🏼 no better time to start over.

likeuplifting

Being perpetually late is a symptom not a cause. Figure out why this symptom exists and then you can remedy it.

likesmart

I don’t have much advice but I hope things get better for you sooner rather than later. Life doesn’t happen without failures and although things seem difficult right now, it’s not the end of the journey that is life. Some of the greatest things for me have happened as a result of failing before, so I try to think positively. You’re allowed to feel all those negative emotions but try not to let them bog you down completely. Better days are ahead my friend.

likeuplifting

Damn OP! Im sorry youre going through a rough time. Not to be cliché but things will get better. Have your time to feel this and validate your own emotions and then dust yourself off. Keep your head up! 🙏🏼

likeuplifting

See this as an opportunity to regroup and go forward from scratch. If the marriage is not working, take the steps to move from there. For a marriage to work, the two of you need to be on the same page. Do not sabotage yourself thinking you are the worst. You just need time to heal. Find yourself a counselor if you do not have it yet. Take time for you. Hugs!

like

Dude, see if you can make things right wherever you have control. The rest is not something you need to be regretful over. You should be fine, just don’t give up and leverage the time you have off work. Honestly, f work, it doesn’t define you

likeuplifting

I can only imagine this is a hard time. It’s important for you to feel what you feel. You’re going to get through this. You got this!

likeuplifting

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