For my fellow tidy Asians, when you move in with your significant others did you talk about how clean you want the house? GF and I are considering moving in together but frankly, her house is an absolute mess to the point she’s embarrassed to have me over sometimes. I have no problem cleaning and can get a maid service although I think cleaning should be a team effort. I want to talk about it without hurting her feelings/make her feel like a slob.

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Definitely set some rules or make arrangements, so that there’s not any new source of potential resentment ! Be practical !

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Yep that’s what I’m trying to avoid.

As the F I was able to be honest and blunt without hurting feelings. Told one guy I refuse to live in a disgusting place with ants (YEP) and he moved to a nicer place and has generally been less messy.

Current fiance is actually cleaner than I am and gets his place cleaned every two weeks by a professional.

Be honest and upfront. If she's embarrassed then it means she is aware which is good news. Definitely clean together or have her offer some $toward a professional cleaning to reduce resentment

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Less of an issue now, more of a potential down the road if you get married - how clean do you want to keep the house? Personal hygiene? How to raise kids? Etc....

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Tricky. Hard to change habits. You need to think about whether this is a deal breaker for you.

Figure out her favorite type of cleaning procrastination; that'll be the path of least resistance.

Putting away clean things is also a good starter i.e. dishes, laundry, etc. since it's more organizing and less cleaning and a good team effort.

She may also just need someone to lead by example; my roommate is very good at cleaning but only when I initiate.

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I mean the truth is the truth, why sugar coat? Just start of with something positive like “babe, I love you soooo much BUT you’re sometimes a slob”

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