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Not an unrelatable situation but this is too personal a topic imo
OP: Have you ever considered that you were only getting that level of attention and friendship from him because he was into you? He was holding out for that one slim chance.
Be thankful for what he gave you. And for the experiences he might have sacrificed with other girls while he was holding out for you. Don’t take any more from him than you already have. He deserves to be allowed to properly move on.
Chief
She didnt take anything from him. He gave it away
It sounds like you broke his heart. Leave him alone. Messaging him will only be self fulfilling and could bring up bad emotions/ memories for him. You made your choice so now you have to stick with it. None of this is even taking into consideration that you are married.
1. Ask your husband
2. Alternatively, and better still, find a new friend
Chief
It’s selfish to do this to someone who’s moved on.
Chief
He did make the call. He cut off contact
Rising Star
You friend zoned him. I got friend zoned so much in my life it's almost unreal. It's just what women do. I'm sure he's over it by now. I got over every girl that ever did. I would ask your husband if he feels comfortable with you reaching out.
Rising Star
I'm going to continue to use friend zone.
What a cool story
Conversation Starter
If you have to ask...
Hard pill to swallow: he wasn’t a best friend to you and you shouldn’t put him on a pedestal. He thought of you as worthless if he was willing to throw away your friendship. Friends don’t cut off contact because one married someone who isn’t them, because that’s not how friendships work. He wasn’t a friend, he was a selfish creep with ulterior motives. I’m sorry that it got twisted over time to how you are currently describing it. He wasted your time with a fake friendship in the hopes of some day getting in your pants. You deserve better friends that don’t forget you when you won’t have sex with them. If he was truly your friend none of this would have happened.
SD1, you said it well. @C1, I agree that it makes perfect sense that he cut contact. I’m not trying to say that he should have stuck around, but rather that his behavior shows that he wasn’t a true friend and OP is probably looking at their history through rose colored lenses. The friend wants nothing to do with being in OP’s life - I don’t think wanting that kind of toxicity back is a smart move.
I reckon you wouldn’t necessarilyyyy be asking us if you thought it wasn’t wrong
Rising Star
Leave the poor guy alone
Exactly.
Enthusiast
Damn she wanna stab the brother deeper 😶
No. You are missing something in your life. It’s not him. Disrespectful to your current relationship and also to his.
Chief
I think you should message him.
I’ll take one
Chief
Over / under on OP ignoring all the advice and messaging this guy anyway?
There are certain days I miss my best friend so much just to talk about normal life things and he has a girlfriend too now so I just want to know about he’s doing and his life. We haven’t spoken in 3 years and he moved to another country. Should I be messaging him or is that totally wrong for a person that is married? I just miss my best friend and having a normal conversation. I still love my husband as much as I did before, so please don’t assume that I have any other intentions here.
I seriously doubt that you have feelings for him too, but you want too much from both men. I am surprised how you bought in your scrip in your mind. Do you need him more than he does to you? Otherwise, why do you have to talk to him when you know the last thing he needs is to talk to you?
Rising Star
Your friend wasn’t really your friend - they were in love with you. They didn’t separate the two. Sadly I think this is something you’ll need to heal and move on from.
Not your fault by the way - men shouldn’t pretend to be your friend while harboring feelings but not dating you and then disappear when you get married.
Rising Star
No one should do this - shouldn’t have attributed it to men. You aren’t a true friend if you can’t be happy for someone when they are happy.
It sounds like you befriended two SIMPS, chose one, and like a true ego-driven person, expected one simp to stick around and continue to fawn over you even though you chose the other. How very self absorbed of you...
Cheers 🍻 to the non-chosen man who wised up and decided to do the smart thing by moving on with this life. I hope he finds himself-- first and foremost, and then a woman who cares about him and doesn't make everything about her.
To all the young Men reading this post...
Don't waste your precious time simping over one woman. Put yourself first, and learn to shoot your shot and move on.
Your friendship wasn’t real. He was trying to date you. I’m sure he cares about you but a friend is not the same thing as a guy trying to get in your pants/date you. That wasn’t truly the real him anyway. Best behavior trying to woo you etc . Move on.
Would you tell your husband? If he had a similar situation how would you feel if he reached out to her? Guessing not good.
You don’t get to pick the parts you want. Like the great friend you want vs the boyfriend he will never be to you. Ask yourself what you’re missing and invest your emotional energy in your husband or a girlfriend, not the guy you didn’t want.