{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "For those of you in cities like NYC and SF, how do you view colleagues that get pregnant a few years after b-school/around age ~30-31, ie several years before your “biological clock” necessitates it?", "post_id": "5cdb8c0c1d9cd5001ba6e997", "reply_count": 38, "vote_count": 1, "bowl_id": "552d1d24dc1c586b09d2d051", "bowl_name": "Consulting" }

For those of you in cities like NYC and SF, how do you view colleagues that get pregnant a few years after b-school/around age ~30-31, ie several years before your “biological clock” necessitates it?

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I’ve run into similar issues. I’m a gay man with no children so I have to check myself here, but 3/3 times when a great, high-performing female colleague went on maternity leave, they ended up leaving the firm shortly after returning. I still chalk it up to us not doing a great job of figuring out the re-entry strategy. But my thought is that we need to do better at understanding the reality of raising young children in cities that make it super tough and having better ways to be flexible while at the same time being able to evaluate everyone on a level playing field. The “work yourself to death to get ahead” model doesn’t work for new moms/new dads nor does it work for people who aren’t new parents. The firms give terrible healthcare anyway so piss off if they complain about making accommodations for new parents

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Honestly confused by this question. Are you saying there might be a perception that 30/31 is too young to be having kids? Honey, 30 is not young from a biological clock perspective. I know the average age of professional women having kids is getting pushed back, but that doesn't change the biological clock. Have a family when it makes sense for you, who cares what your colleagues think? I'm 31 and currently pregnant with second. Had my first at 29 and was considered early in my friends group and among coworkers. But it's not like anyone said anything to me, I came to my own conclusion that I was considered "early" (much to my own surprise) once I actually got pregnant and sort of looked around. In some ways this may have been to my advantage as the firm was really flexible and accommodating, treating me as some sort of pioneer for women to have kids below the ranks of principal/partner.

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Whoa.. who are you to determine when someone’s biological clock necessitates it? Do you know any statistics about fertility after 30? And how would deciding to start a family in any way signal lack of ambition? very disappointing to find out anyone thinks this way...

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I do actually know the stats about fertility after 30, for most people there is not a steep decline until 40. The age of both partners matters - so the older partner is the “clock"

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Who am I to judge your major life decision? I might judge you if you are a drug dealer.

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Please don’t judge.

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This is the strangest question I’ve read on here

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Totally agree

Huh??

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Not at all. Family is important and you should do it when you are ready. Financials are tougher here. But it’s better than waiting too long and not being able to have kids.

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What even the hell is this question? Even *if* someone had negative thoughts about it - what are you trying to prove? Do you want an "out" from having kids? I'm so confused

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Lol wut? Do people actually think those thoughts? Sometimes I think we’ve come far as a society then read something like this...

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No. Not at all. I’ve seen plenty of high performing female colleagues leave for maternal leave, coming back and getting promoted on time (according to tenure). That’s only possible when people don’t perceive that as lack of / less of ambition than any others

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The highest performer I have ever encountered (and best mentor and role model, whose won numerous accolades at our former F10 company) had her first one at 18. She was kicked out of her house for having an interracial relationship. She put herself through her bachelors and masters, has three beautiful kids and is far and away the smartest, most astute, effective, high EQ, work-life-balance expert person I’ve ever met. Never have judged anyone on when they have kids, it’s beautiful. And witnessing her ability to love and cherish her family and KICK ASS at work, man, blew me out of the water learning you could be chill cool and also great at work and have a family.

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Good for them! Starting a family adds meaning to your life

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31, a couple years out of Bschool and currently pregnant. I don’t care at all what anyone at work thinks. Start a family when you want to start a family. Everyone so far has been very supportive and if it seems like they are starting to slip and demand long hours or overly strenuous work, I push back. Be just as ambitious and confident about this as you are about your job. Nothing is more ambitious than a pregnant consultant.

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I envy them

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@C2, calm down - pregnant woman here. It’s a real concern women in the workplace have, especially given that 30 in major urban settings is earlier than most and uncommon in high-power fields like strategy consulting. Just curious to get a pulse, albeit unscientific, on how rampant this negative perception is.

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I think you are overthinking this one. Pretty sure this is not as widespread a thought as you are making it out to be. You are fine. Had my first child at 34, but would have been great to start earlier.

Huh? Why should it matter?? Who cares when or where or why? We should be (and I think aspire to be) family friendly organizations that value work life balance

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I’m jealous of people who are able to meet personal goals in a timely manner. That said, you do you. What does it matter what some guy/gal in New York or SF thinks about how you’re leading your life?

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Don't know, don't care. Got a vasectomy this past Friday.

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I love everything about your reply! ❤️

Frankly I’d commend them for having their shit together enough to be in that stage of life and not playing chicken with biology. Note this is NOT to imply negative judgment of people who have kids later. We can’t know everyone struggles or priorities. But if you’re 30, a solid performer, pregnant and feeling good about that I say rock on

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Those who conceive are likely listening to their doctors While one can conceive later in life the risks go up to both mother and baby as the years tick by

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