For those of you that have a really different life than your family of origin, how do you deal with it? My own family is ok - nothing horribly traumatic, middle class upbringing, but a lot of chronic issues I have worked hard to improve upon in my life and my marriage. My sisters life is pretty unstable, and my mom is very difficult. Some days I feel I should live my own life that I built, and others I feel I owe it to them to show up more (financially, emotionally, time and energy).

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I can relate in that I overcame a lot of childhood challenges and feel that I want to “pay it forward” to relatives who are struggling. However, what I’ve realized is that my health and happiness, and that of my marriage, need to come first. I’ve over-extended myself countless times trying to help others, with not much to show for it in terms of any real change, and it eventually made me feel exhausted and resentful. People will never be accountable for their own lives if we do things for them that they need to do for themselves. Sometimes the best thing we can do is be a positive example and show compassion, versus making it our responsibility to fix other people.

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