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For working “new parents”: gift ideas, please.
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Rising Star
I feel the same way. I’m exhausted all the time just taking care of myself, I don’t know how people can handle children. But I do want them.. sigh.
My in-laws live reasonably close by and I think they will help if asked. I’ve also recognized I will need to pay for help of some kind (daycare/nanny).
Think about the sacrifices you’ve had to make going from a single woman to married. I’m sure your life has changed for the better since your marriage! And you made so many sacrifices to get through law school and pass the bar, but you survived and now you’re an attorney. Sacrifice is not comfortable (and can even be downright painful), but it is beautiful! Have no fear!
Love this perspective. Thank you for sharing!!
I was 31 when I had my first child and 33 when I had my second. I didn’t have any overwhelming ticking clock feelings, I just knew I was getting older and if I wanted to have kids I need to start trying. And I do think that we share our mom struggles on social media for support and connection. It is a struggle. And it is not easy. But there is not a thing in the world that I enjoy more than being a mother even on the hard days. Please do not ever wait or avoid having kids because of some job or work load. You will find that you will have an easier time of drawing boundaries, leaving work to pick up your kid etc. because not only you have to but you want to. And for the record I ended up being a single mom raising two kids which certainly was not my plan! So I work a very busy big law full-time job and raise two children entirely by myself. They are, hands-down, my greatest achievement and greatest blessing.
Rising Star
I wanted kids in my very late 20s, early 30s. I knew it was time when I kept thinking of all of the cool things I could teach someone and I looked around and there was no one to teach. Fertility issues delayed a kid until 34.
When you have a baby everything sort of shuts down for a bit because babies are pretty all-consuming. So, you adjust after that to as much or little as you can take on. My husband and I are really quite content to have nearly zero social life and hang out with our son in our free time.
We take turns on the weekend watching him so each of us can have some time to ourselves and then we do family outings together.
I used to work ridiculous hours and my husband was a stay at home dad. He really enjoyed it and I knew my son was in good hands. So, I worked and they hung out. He also made the meals and kind of kept the house clean.
You have to be careful, though, because it’s easy to rely on that too much. When my then four year old said he was unhappy because he never saw me I knew I had to make some changes. I started my own practice so I could control my workday and hours a bit more. Of course, that gets busy, too. But, I can decide if I want to start work at 10 am and finish at 9 pm or start at 8 am and end at 7 pm, for instance. I get to pick my kid up from school every day. No after school for him anymore.
In my 20s, I swore I didn’t want to have children.  after I got past my starter marriage and married a man who made me want to have children, biological drive took over. My mother (who stayed at home and sacrificed her career and independence) gave me a valuable piece of advice: unless you want to give up your career, you must except that you are either going to have a child and use child care or not have a child at all. Years later as she watched my sister and I raise our kids, she said that she would seriously question having children in the world as it exists now. Bottom line, one day if it’s the right move for you, you will know it, not because of what you think but because of what you feel.
When I would’ve done anything to not have to bill 240 hours a month and work 12-14 hour days 6 days a week. True story: I worked for a big firm that was mostly Jewish and my oldest child was conceived on Rosh Hashanah because that was the only night I could leave work early enough to even possibly have the energy to make a baby.