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If I weren’t traveling I would see my boyfriend from 8-10pm on weekdays...after we’re both done with work and back from the gym. At that point we would both be exhausted and probably cranky from work. Doesn’t seem ideal to me. Going on 7 years together with significant travel for 5 of those years...weekends together are perfect!
So...am I the only person who thinks it's kind of selfish for the SO to feel and act this way? The role won't go on forever, and you can agree to prioritize finding a local project. Traveling is a part of our job. I feel like there should be more support for you on this new role and less stress from her getting mad at you for being required to travel. Like it def sucks for her but... It's not all about her?
DO NOT buy your GF a dog as a coping mechanism for your travel. That’s about the worst reason to get a pet I’ve ever heard of
Been married 29 years, but only been together about 15 due to travel. Pretty sure that is why we are still happy
She needs to have other interests than just you. No ones life, whether you travel or not should be solely based on one person. Expand your horizons, volunteer, etc.
Not what you asked, but if I was your gf’s family or friend, I would tell her nobody should have her entire world revolves around a guy. Have your own interests, friends, career... What if the relationship / marriage ends? You should be able to survive on your own.
From the perspective of someone who has been married a long time and who has also has spent a long time apart from my spouse (military and consulting) the hard message here is that this probably isn't going to work.
A relationship where one person is totally wrapped up in the other isn't healthy. If you travel and the other person can't handle it, that won't work. If you sacrifice your career and who you are, that won't work either. Do you see the common thread?
I'm assuming you're pretty young, so stay focused on getting yourself established and make the most of your relationship. But if it doesn't work, at least come out the back end in place where you feel you feel good about yourself and the choices you made. Trust me. You could quit your job tomorrow and spend all the time you have with your SO and it's still not going to land In a good place in the long run. Sorry to sound so negative but I'm telling it straight.
Eventually, someone will come along who is excited for what you do, travel and all, because you're excited by what you do and they want what's best for you and vice versa. There are always trade offs and sacrifices in every relationship, but what you've described sounds very one sided.
Op has it always been like this with her? If so she probably won’t change her mind so you either get a new SO or a new job
She is the type of person whose entire world revolves around me.
@EY2. I do want to maintain the relationship, but I also care about my career growth and gaining exposure to different things. This is an international project that has tremendous upside. I just don’t want to lose out on an incredible opportunity
Honestly it's probably good for her in some degree is she is semi- dependent. Gives her some time to find interests and explore her own hobbies. Make her feel secure and understand that it doesn't change things about how you guys feel, just changes some time some days a week.
We have been dating since I was 18 years old (4year relationship). I feel like I definitely missed out on a few things during college because she puts me first before everything. However, I will say that she has helped me grow as a man and part of who I am is because of her
I agree with A3. If (1) consulting is OP’s dream, (2) Travel is a part of consulting, (3) gf loves OP, she should support OP to pursue his dream and thus travel... even if it takes some time for her to get used to it. She can be sad, but should not be mad at OP all the time... otherwise, it’s forcing OP to choose between his dream and her.
Side note: the fact that it’s an international project and I’ll be gone for a longer period is what bothered her the most. She would be totally fine if it was in the country and I was going sum/mon-Thursday. But like I said, we talked it through and will be fine. Thank you everybody
Just be prepared to choose eventually OP. The travel lifestyle is fundamentally at odds with what some want out of a relationship. My wife and I did it for 3 years while dating (also dates all of college) but it was hard on her and I had to agree to leave traveling behind when we got married
The only real solution here is to have a frank conversation with each other and make sure everyone priorities are clear.
1. How important is it for you to have the flexibility to travel as needed for work
2. How big of an issue is that for your SO
3. What can be done to bridge the gap; e.g, scheduled calls,texts, vid chats, etc
4. Whether the actions in #3 are enough.
Once all that is clear, you’ll have a good sense of (a) is this a salvageable difference and (b) if so, what can I do to handle things.
PS. Sounds like you’re still pretty young, so I’ll give you some advice.
1.If you’re going to miss out on a bunch of early 20s experiences due to your partner, make sure that they’re the one
2.Be honest with each other about what matters to you and why, otherwise these sacrifices can lead to resentment
We will be fine. We talked it through and set expectations like a lot of you have said.
What about the travel makes her upset? Did you ask her what you can do to make her feel better? My SO travels often, and I also have the tendency to be upset. But I communicate my needs (realistic with travel), and if they are met, I am happy. When they aren’t, then I go back to being upset
I can speak from your OP’s perspective and confirm D1 is right. I hate separation even for more than a day. There’s nothing can be done to change my mind. You should either stop traveling, or get a new SO.
Some things - having other stuff to do, a dog, staying in regular contact while traveling (text, chat, etc through the day). But yes, for some travel doesn’t work. Also feels like it helps to be a bit more verbal in feelings since can’t always show during the week