{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Friend of mine took me out for dinner, and on the car ride back I casually suggested we stop for ice cream. He raised his voice “I have things to do, we can’t just do this.” And immediately apologized. I shut down when men raise their voice and felt disrespected, but I didn’t want to be hostile and argue about it with him in the car, so we rode back in silence. I also don’t know how to (or if I should) bring it up since we aren’t dating. How do you address this (or do you just let it go)?", "post_id": "603f1817276255002a28bb2a", "reply_count": 17, "vote_count": 2, "bowl_id": "59e88be7e2808e00149b0443", "bowl_name": "Women In Consulting" }

Friend of mine took me out for dinner, and on the car ride back I casually suggested we stop for ice cream. He raised his voice “I have things to do, we can’t just do this.” And immediately apologized. I shut down when men raise their voice and felt disrespected, but I didn’t want to be hostile and argue about it with him in the car, so we rode back in silence. I also don’t know how to (or if I should) bring it up since we aren’t dating. How do you address this (or do you just let it go)?

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He's not your friend - let it go, but stop talking to him.

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What? That is an over the top reaction! They are friends. He took her out for dinner which I interpret as him paying. He had shit to do later on (or not). He can be simply a rigid /OCD person who isn’t good with spontaneity. He apologized to her for speaking sharply. How is he the bad guy here to the point of “never speak to him again”?! OP needs to use her words and tell him why she shut down and why it triggered her so they can both avoid this happening going forward.

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You should absolutely bring it up. Let him know how that made you feel & how that has changed the dynamics of the friendship.

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This is just gaslighting. People’s actions DO affect how you feel - other people can’t “make you” ACT a certain way, but they can make you FEEL a certain way. We all need to take responsibilities for our actions - and that includes him, for making OP feel disrespected, and OP, for shutting down.

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Start with “hey, I was thinking about the other night... is everything ok?” (Insert his excuse: work/stress/sleep) And then go into “ok- because I was very uncomfortable with how it went. I’m here to help you with (above) but that was unfair to me”

likesmarthelpful

Then it’s definitely worth talking about it. I may be too understanding, but I feel like we’re all not 100% ourselves because of the ongoing pandemic. Not justifying what he did at all, but just something to consider. I hope you’re able to talk with him and work through it.

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Depends on how much of a friend he is. Either cut him loose now or have a firm talk.

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The next time you talk just let him know very calmly the next time he behaves like that with you will be the very last time you talk to him.

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Why did he even say that... I think we are missing context

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There’s no need to bring it up unless you plan to continue interacting with him and spending time with it. If that’s the case, then just be clear that you expect to be spoken to in a certain way and that if he has something on his mind, he needs to verbalize it instead of being irritable.

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Omg. I meant irritable. There. LOL.

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Talk to him about it! "hey the other day, when you raised your voice, it felt uncomfortable because xyz"

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I think you should first ask about his well being to see if there is something going on in his life that is causing this undue stress (and undue response to you). This last year has been hard for everyone. Based on his response, do share about how it made you feel still emphasizing that you’re here as a friend but that he has to communicate.

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