{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Friendly reminder to please stop telling your female coworkers that don’t want children “to just wait a few years - you’ll change your mind”. 😡", "post_id": "6079ab019669f6002a255921", "reply_count": 578, "vote_count": 396, "bowl_id": "5e6fe1c31f5e51001d267e46", "bowl_name": "The Work-Life Bowl", "feed_type": "bowl" }
null

Friendly reminder to please stop telling your female coworkers that don’t want children “to just wait a few years - you’ll change your mind”. 😡

likefunnysmarthelpfuluplifting
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I understand your frustration OP, specially when someone older tries to pretend to know better than you, even worse of it's a male. I think it's a personal thing, but from experience that switch flips on when a few things are met:

1. You are with your lifetime partner and feel safe
2. You have a stable career and have achieved a certain level of professional tittle (i.e. M, SM, D, P) depends on how career driven you are
3. You love where you live

I didn't even consider children before (35), but after being with the love on my life for 4 years, living where I want and having professional stability the though has started to play with our minds recently.

Nevertheless, for some people even meeting all of the above, the switch never flips on.

likesmart

SC2... People can always change their minds. What you want one day can be different 10 years later. I would say as mammals & living beings, it is our nature to reproduce. And natural to discuss.

Look there is no way anyone can know what topic is triggering to any individual and everyone needs to accept that is just not possible. If you said to my sister 15 years ago, "just wait you will change your mind" she would have been triggered. She has 6 kids today and would have had more if not for medical issues.

If the same thing would have been said to me, I wouldn't have given a flying F and laughed... Here I am 2 kids deep(and vasectomy) and I honestly believe having kids has been one of few things in my life I have done right.

And there are people that don't want kids and never have kids and are extremely happy with their lives.

This whole conversation is no different than me saying, "you want to go to dinner tonight? No? Your gonna regret it".

Don't take offense where none is intended. You will live a much happier life.

Just here to add another perspective. Two children. Never would I suggest to someone else that they would change their mind unsolicited. However, a few years back I had a teammate who would frequently state (unsolicited ) That she could not wait for a tubal ligation. Not due to health problems or anything, just that she didn’t want kids. After perhaps the 12th iteration of this comment, I simply offered that I once was adamant that I did not want children but I’m so happy that I changed my mind and that I would guard against permanent solutions to feelings that may or may not remain. While I Have not witnessed people tell others unprompted that they will change their mind about not wanting babies, I don’t doubt that it happens, and I would never do it. But I certainly have witnessed someone who was aggressively anti-child. I wonder how many people think they are the former when they are really the latter? 

like

Yes, I think these conversations are entirely preventable at work. Just don't share personal information! If you don't share it in the first place, you won't be judged on it.

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31 F - I don’t like them, I don’t want them. I’m physically uncomfortable around them - like I tried volunteering to mentor a child to help me maybe try to feel connected to a child, it was hard and he was even a nice kid. I’ve never wanted to be a mother. Severe mental health issues run in my family that I don’t want to pass on. I will not get bored and need them to entertain me. The you don’t want to be alone when you’re old argument is selfish - I’m not going to have kids solely for the sake of taking care of me when I’m old. Honestly all of that is none of your business. I don’t have to justify my decision to you or anyone else. Stop telling me and other women like me how we feel, it’s degrading.

likeupliftingsmarthelpfulfunny

The vast majority of parents don’t know how to parent and create issues for their children and into their adulthood, often because of the troubled relationships they were in. We all have issues and these are usually related to our upbringing. I can look myself in the mirror as a childless person and say I haven’t created any childhood related issues for anyone. That feels good.

likesmart

In situations like that, I reply with “oh just wait a few years, you’ll reflect on what your life could have been like without kids” , or “oh, do you ever regret having your kids?”

Rude questions beget rude questions.

likefunny

@KPMG1 you're my new best friend. I am writing this down

like

My question is, whether or not you do or don’t want kids, why get so triggered when people share their opinions, likely in a lighthearted way to make conversation? You can’t mold the world to your preferences. Why not just brush it off and move on? Posts like these make me scared to say anything to anyone or share any opinion.

like

The overwhelming theme here is that we have evolved into a thin skinned hypersensitive country where honest dialogue conducted in good faith results in some feeling hurt and triggered not due to bad intent but how people receive and process information as if it’s always a personal attack . I swear future wars with other countries will not be waged with tanks and missiles but rather be executed by a strategically constructed barrage of questions and inquiries that will drive our population into a frenzy of triggered hurt neophytes , unable to function ,cowering in the corner of their room in the fetal position.

likefunny

Having children is a blessing, whenever the choice is made

likefunnyhelpful

Couldn’t agree more. I’m currently pushing for manager promotion and somehow the fact that I’m getting married this year plays a role in this and my plans to have children is consistently brought up. 1) I don’t want children and 2) if I did, it shouldn’t matter.

Kind of unrelated but I’m just so tired of fighting these issues and comments.

likehelpfulfunny

When I was at PwC a colleague was not promoted because she was out on maternity leave for a few months; she said our RP didn't even attempt to sugar coat that it was her maternity leave that caused her to not be put up for promotion. No surprise, she left less than 6 months later.

likesmarthelpful

YES - it's so irritating. Have kids if you want them, but stop telling me that you know me better than I know myself.

like

TIAA - I'm keeping your comment on a little note, it will be usefull some day. It's a perfect sum up.

like

LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK

likefunny

The hoops my sister had to go through to get a hysterectomy, even at 35, were enormous. This was with a tumor in her uterus and enormous amounts of pain for years. The pressure my wife has to “get going on babies” is insane. I feel y’alls struggle, I see it all the time.

likehelpful

Husbands need signed approval from their wife for vasectomy too. It's because the doctor could get sued for interfering with certain "spousal duties of the marriage contract" (I'm being straight laced and serious here - just trying to make y'all aware that you aren't being targeted and mistreated here and not trying to opine on if or why this concept makes sense)

like

So you don’t want kids yet?

likefunnyuplifting

How often do you have to pay to kick some ass? :)

funny

36F here. Still waiting. How much longer till I want them??

likefunny

PWC1 and m 41 and people still tell me that 😹

like

I am amazed at how many people even on this thread tried to convince others to have kids. Even if just for the child’s sake - why on earth would you want them to be born to someone who will resent them? There’s zero logical reason to try to convince someone to have kids when they don’t want them - you’re just creating a breeding ground for unhappy families, both from the parental and child perspective.

Would you encourage someone to be a foster or adoptive parent if they didn’t want to be one? No? That’s how weird it sounds when you try to convince someone to have a child of their own - intrusive and unhealthy for anyone who would be involved.

likesmart

Same IBM1, same.

Also stop telling your male coworkers the same. I get this sometimes and I share your annoyance.

like

Don’t have kids and don’t plan to. Happy for people who have them. How I look at is I’ve done my part for the planet. Not replacing myself is the greenest act a person can do. Forget hooking up your house to solar or stopping eating meat or buying carbon credits. Not breeding is THE most environmentally sustainable thing a person can do. Bar none.

likesmartfunny

@L.E.K I’m not wanting governments to incentivize not having children, just think every group should be treated the same. Why should I pay more tax as an unmarried childless person than a married with children person. (and our group generally asks for nothing from the government)

like

I got married January 2020 and had a team dinner later that month. In front of a group of about 10 (all were part of the conversation as we were talking about the wedding), my PML (a woman in her late 30s) asks me, “so when will you start having kids?” Ive told her before that I don’t want kids and she says “you’ll probably change your mind.” For this, I hate her.

likefunny

No SBA1 just proof you are continuing to purposefully be rude in this thread in your responses.

like

I always throw back a “I can’t have children due to health issues.” Gets awkward really fast, but they should feel uncomfortable for asking such personal questions.

like

I have 3 kids but this comeback is great. I use similar tact when answering other questions I think aren’t really good for work environments, like politics and stuff like that.

like

The fact that there were so many people that agreed with me so soon after posting has for real made my day. Y’all are the best. ☀️

Question for the ladies - do you find people think you’re younger or less experienced than you are because you’re not married? It’s an insecurity I’ve got that I have to tell people I’m in my 30s and I’ve been in advertising for 10 years because without a ring and aging well I feel like they think I’m 25 before I speak and have my shit together.

like

@CD1 I think that was always my POV as well. But maybe they think I'll understand work life balance more or how to connect with more people because I understand what it's like now to have a responsibility outside of myself? I'm still trying to figure it out but there's definitely been a shift and it's just interesting to watch. I'll have to update you once we have baby and what I've learned. I will say when I look around me and even most executives all the way to our CEO have children. They are married/with children. But they're also much older and from different generations which definitely plays a part.. I'm really not sure.. But I do believe they impact our careers and I do think if you're not married or without children they still view you as a "young" in some capacity.

like

It's kind of a social obligation as much as it is a personal wish, but I know individualism and materialism run rampant here, especially in Consulting Land.

Obviously inappropriate to ask in the workplace nevertheless.

likefunny

EY2 is more concerned about retirement than the environment. Sounds about right.

like

Amen
Preach it

my generation has gone through 9/11 as kids, mass shootings, Covid 19 ect
No I do not want to bring another life into the world until things improve
I financially can’t provide my future children with the same or better lifestyle I had

like

Maybe it should have ^

Earth is over populated

like

The week after I got married I had coworkers telling me how much things were going to change when we had kids. I just haven’t bothered telling them that we’re never going to do that.

likefunnyhelpful

With the responses to this thread, we’re going to be Japan in 30 years 😂. Seriously though, who says something like this in a work context.

likefunny

@EY8 that article was a great read! I had no idea that we were actually at a point where it was detrimental to our future. Great call out. I also think it's a mix of people wanting to have children and infertility issues.

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