Friends, I have a question. My friend from MBA made a trip to see me. My husband and I had a huge fight because he has been paying for all activities and food. Am I wrong to say that he is overdoing?

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Generally I pay for stuff when people are visiting and staying with us. General assumption is that they would have paid for their travel so it only makes sense for us to cover some expenses. Usually my friends pick up on this and return the favor when we visit them. Doesn’t have to be this way with everyone but it works for us.

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^ This! When your friends visit, you pick up the expenses and vice versa.

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Ok, let me cut it to the chase and address the elephant in the room. Are you jealous of your husband ? Or feel he is getting too close to your friend ? What are the odds they are interested in each other. I mean, is this an angle at all that you are thinking about ?

likesmart

Nope... Absolute trust on that front. Both husband and my friend.
I think it is more to do with why do it for an american and set a precedence when this is not the norm.

I am being a total prick

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Sorry, your husband seems crazy.

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Yes, because there is a thing called “hospitality”.

He as in husband or friend? In case of the friend, just be ahead of the game and pay for stuff.

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If there’s a fight, pay for your own bills. Otherwise, I would love that friend who pays for our expenses :).

Personally, when I visit my friends, I would love to pay for them.

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Sorry I totally misunderstood. I thought your friend is paying and your husband didn’t like it.

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I don’t understand the situation? Who is paying for whom? And if the friend is paying, why is your husband upset? You could get him a nice gift before he leaves to thank him. Why is there a fight?

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Oh sorry my bad. I was under the impression that the friend is a male.

He is very gregarious by nature and likes to treat guests well. Would you that for an american friend? Because culturally, they pick their own bill or pay for anyone

Are you and your husband struggling financially at the moment?

Nope! We are good so is my friend who is visiting

If you already know your husband is of the generous kind who pays for visiting guests then why are you fighting with him over it, especially if you guys can afford to? Or is it that the paying bothers you because your visiting friend is female and wouldn't have bothered you had it been a male or if your husband's male friend was visiting instead?

VP1- that is part of my husband’s argument -why do I have friends over if I know that my husband likes to treat guests well. I think it has nothing to do with the gender.
The paying bothers me because culturally americans are ok taking care of their own expenses so why splurge? Just typing this makes me feel such an ass. I should just go and apologize to him!

OP, if this is how your husband reacts generally, and previously you had no issues, then you have a problem.
If he has been like this and you always stopped him like this, then you both should (after this splurge) have an agreement.

This. We need a consensus. He has always splurged, I have always complained. We fight, we move on

1. It’s a standard practice to pay for friends who are visiting. Again, no specific rules here but in general, it’s called hospitality.
2. I would be concerned if he took your friend to a very expensive restaurant (e.g Morton’s Stakehouse or any other fine dine). Regular restaurant bills should be ok.
3 can you elaborate on “activities”. What do you mean. Trips in your car to and fro should not cause any concern. If you visited a game or some movie, that should be fine too. Unless you visited Cirque Du Soliel or some fancy show, I wouldn’t be worried.
Relax, take a chill pill. Relationships are not like balance sheets. Remember, what goes around comes around.

🤗 noted

The problem is kind of posts, especially from the women is when there’s some criticism towards the husband they get super defensive of him and deny that there’s anything wrong with him.

I think the husband is in the wrong here (to pay for everything without asking you), but you have to prepared to hear some honest opinions from strangers, which a lot of desi women don’t seem prepared to handle.

Come on, he is just a friend. So pay it and stop thinking too much if you are all doing financially good. These are poor people problems, don’t be poor at heart. Sorry just being honest n harsh so the message is reached right. Sometimes these little things can kill the joy. Imagine what your husband might be feeling. Take it easy.

So you are two as a family and one additional person visiting you are going to places and restaurants etc.. and you are paying 1/3 additional for the gueat. I do not see this as a problem to fight about!

R u friends with benefits , else it doesn’t make sense to be honest ??

You pay for friends not for in-laws. IMO. 😃

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