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This is simple: you will be unhappy with this dynamic for as long as your relationship lasts. It will become worse over time. Over the course of years, you will become resentful. But you really shouldn’t be.
You are choosing to have a monogamous relationship with someone that does not want to have sex with you. Why would you do that?
You need to do the right thing: end it. Then both of you can find new partners that are better matched on this key dimension of intimate relationships.
This is EXACTLY what I was thinking, which is why at this point I’m over it. Thank you.
Sounds like you’re just incompatible. Either she’s not attracted to you or in general is not very interested in intimacy or sex. Both are fine, but they’re not what you want, so… why stay? And I say this as someone who’s been more like your SO than you in relationships. Just don’t act dumb or blame her. Have a mature, respectful discussion.
Pro
Just end it and be done.
Tell her to put out or get out
🤮
Chief
So you’ve essentially threatened to break up with her if she isn’t physically intimate more often… three times?
She should leave you tbh
I don’t disagree with D1. Maybe try therapy. Perhaps there’s something in her makeup that’s not letting her be an ideal partner. Go from there.
In the same boat most days. I try to be understanding, as mine is on BC and is incredibly stressed all the time, so her libido is practically dead. Do these variables occur with your SO? It could be fair reasoning, but the sexual frustration does not do good things for the mind.
I'd say that's reason for break-up if she's not even willing to be mildly intimate (cuddling, kissing, etc.) Some people are just touch-me-nots, but it doesn't give them the right to keep you at arm's length. Do what you outta do man.
Two separate things, first does she have trauma in her past or deal with mental health things? (More of a thought starter, no need to actually answer that) Pointing out the latter especially because things like eating disorders, depression etc can tank libido (also I noticed you mention in another comment you don't eat together/she eats elsewhere). Second, is the sex good? Or is it possible that you're not meeting her needs and she'd rather skip the intimacy because it doesn't really do anything for her?
Pro
Maybe she is not fulfilled. Real talk, if you haven’t… have a conversation with her about whether or not you are getting her off. If she isn’t then boom, there you go. Figure out what makes her tick and explode.
Have you discussed it with her? If you have openly aired your concerns and nothing has changed, better to end it. I have moved out as a result of a breakup and it sucked royally. But then I met my husband and am much better off.. good luck
Yeah we’ve discussed it multiple times. Ive made up my mind at this point, she’s not changing no matter how many times she claims she will.
Honestly end the relationship and look for someone who meets your expectations, things will not change, my wife is like that and it is a living hell , they will never change
Just curious… how often do you have sex? Asking because my husband and I are together once a week but I know he wants more… but we have a child and I’m exhausted most of the time. We have been married for 15 years. I thought once a week was ok but now I’m thinking he could think the same thing about me.
And as others have said, your girlfriend’s tendency to not prioritize sex is only going to get worse. As you get older there is much less time for intimacy between running a household, additional job responsibilities, etc. I think you are mature to realize that your needs need to be met and she isn’t meeting them.
My sex life sucks, but if I could I would say 2-3 times per week, I have been married also for 15+ years and have kids, i’ve heard all sort of excuses, for me the lack lf sex shows no interest at all full stop
By not affectionate at all do you mean she also doesn’t kiss, cuddle, touch you randomly ?
Rising Star
Or at least an old married couple
I’m talking to a guy who ended it with his 3 year SO cause of this. Seems much happier. Would recommend
Rising Star
Sorry Op, but this is no relationship to be in . It won’t get better . She should understand
Sorry Op. I tend to get like this with my partner when he stops caring about his appearance and my physical attraction to him dwindles…
OP, do you know if she masturbates and experiences sexual arousal on her own?
If she does, then the issue could be how she sees you. That isn't a great issue to have but I think it's a bit easier to work on. Too much proximity by living together puts the ice on sexual desire, for women especially. Perhaps if you too can create some healthy distance between one another, where some desire and longing can emerge, that will help. But she will have to want to work on it (she may want to do some reading about responsive sexual desire). Spontaneously wanting sex isn't the norm as we get older, and/or we're in established relationships and you do have to put some effort in working yourself up a bit (for me, woman, this means I get myself off and fantasize even when I'm a tired...I love my sexuality and want to keep the fires burning).
However, if she is broadly uninterested in her own sexual desire or pleasure...that seems like a tougher problem to resolve and may be a major incompatibility between the two of you. Some couples do consider if keeping the relationship but switching to an open model works for them, so the higher desire partner can be with others sexually. But personally, that doesn't appeal to me...can't speak for you.
And sorry. It's a painful situation to want to have that with your loved one, and they are not interested, whatever the reason may be.
Enthusiast
Honestly if it was just the libido she could have been somehow asexual but eating in her bedroom alone and letting you eat alone in another room is just not ok.
Pro
Your gf sounds like me when I was with my ex. Thinking back, the relationship was dead a long time before I broke up with him. I had no desire to do anything intimate or romantic with him, I was really in the relationship because of the commitment and obligations.
Sounds like it’s time. Good luck!
Rising Star
Don’t expect people to change for you