{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Girlfriend wants to quit her hospital job because she says it’s affecting her mental health. I cant afford to take care of both of us. What should I do?", "post_id": "60b7d57cdded100025cfb150", "reply_count": 78, "vote_count": 6, "bowl_id": "5e6fe1c31f5e51001d267e46", "bowl_name": "Coronavirus Work-life" }

Girlfriend wants to quit her hospital job because she says it’s affecting her mental health. I cant afford to take care of both of us. What should I do?

likehelpful
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Is this the US? Has she been there over a year? Short-term disability! And/or medical leave. I took three months off, fully paid. My psych had to sign off on it, but I didn’t have to check into a facility or anything like that. I just went to therapy once a week. You don’t actually have to be incapacitated and drooling on yourself to qualify, turns out.

likesmartfunny

SM1, I appreciate the note. Perhaps I should have made it more clear that I was not calling OP’s SO a faker, or anyone on here for that matter. I’ve been disheartened by hearing acquaintances recently boast about faking a mental illness to a doctor to get paid time off, when they openly admit to not actually suffering from a mental illness and are just taking advantage of the system.

likehelpful

I find it weird that people are saying you’re not married so you’re not obligated. That point is irrelevant. You obviously care about her so we’ll start there. She can try to go part time while looking for another job, try to pivot to a less intense role in her current organization, or go on short term disability with the Rx of a psychologist. I recommend she find a therapist regardless. The healthcare industry has ravaged its workforce over the last year and she probably needs support you cannot provide. Ask her how much she has in savings. Let her know you want her to be happy but that financially it’s going to be tough if she quits right away. Make a plan. Have her reach out to family for financial support if that’s a possibility.

likeupliftinghelpful

D2 marriage shows commitment. An engagement shows commitment. We don't know how long OP has been with his gf, but if you haven't reached the stage where you're confidently saying you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, why are you fully supporting them financially? Especially this chick, who can't even seem to commit to a career

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Quit your job first

likefunnyhelpfulupliftingsmart

I have enough savings to not work for at least a year. Plus I needed to take leap instead staying stuck at a soul sucking job

Ask her how she plans to provide for herself? What does she do? Could she look more at an outpatient center where hours are better?

likehelpful

She wants to make money online and no not OF

funny

Tell her that. Shes not your wife and not your responsibility

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So win/win

likefunnysmart

How do you know she’s expecting you to bankroll her?

likefunny

You presented it pretty self centered like

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If she’s your girlfriend, I’m not sure why you’re worried..? If my now fiancé had quit his job when we were just bf/gf - it would be up to him to care for himself. Do y’all live together or something? I’m just not sure the connection between her quitting a job and you caring for her? She’s not your wife, so why are you expected to cover her?

likesmart

Consultant 1 - yeah. I’ve been in three serious relationships lasting a minimum of 2.5 years in my life (including my current one in which we’re getting married in 4 months). I’m just not sure why someone would be caring for (in all materials aspects) their SO!? Maybe it has to do with the standards for who I date? I would for sure help out, but if the person i love is quitting a job, i would not be supporting them at all. But i also am not living with my SO till we’re married/not combining finances till we’re married, so maybe that’s the difference? I know where my fiancé stands and we’ve discussed money and things, but if he had quit his job when we were just dating it would be up to him to pay his rent and utilities... not sure where your comment is getting at.

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Feel like it’s also affecting my mental health..

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She get get a job that's not in a hospital

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Maybe a different job would suit her better, but we all have to have jobs assuming we’re not wealthy. So she’s going to have to do something. That’s my opinion.

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Did she say she wants to stop working entirely, or take a few months off, or specifically no longer work at that hospital and instead somewhere else? Is she interested in working somewhere else, or pivot her career? I’d ask her those questions and go from there. If she wants to just stop working entirely, we’ll you’re not married to her so you’re technically under no obligation to support her financially. She would need health insurance of some sort so really she individually has to work somewhere at some point. That being said, def be supportive in helping her figure out what she wants as her next steps. A lot of healthcare professionals also leave inpatient/outpatient settings and work in consulting or esp healthcare orgs/healthcare tech for a shift and/or better quality of life.

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Is she dependent on you or something?

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More Context - she is a PCT at a well known hospital. She is trying to re-apply for nursing school. I suggested asking them if she can get reduced hours..but she did just start the job less than a month ago. We were planning on moving in together. I’ve hated my job when I first started and was on the brink of quitting but I held on and I glad I did. I don’t want her to make the same mistake; however I don’t know how serious her mental state is

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Well, my hours are worse…I wish I had 7-7. plus, I get jelled at all day for whatever I do 😞 In 6 years now.

Also her manager just left me a voicemail saying she didn’t come in today and didn’t call in sick either..

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They work back to back 12 hrs which and most of the time she finds herself not doing anything which she hates

SHE should find another job.

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How about reducing her hours or becoming part time?

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Why are you assuming that you’ll have to take care of her? Most likely she’ll take some time to recover from burnout and then find a new job. I’m thinking of doing the same thing myself.

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Tell her you want to quit your relationship for your financial health...

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Support her. Maybe she just needs to vent. She’s not trying to mooch - it’s her mental health. Not about you

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Not sure what she does and this maybe CT related because we have the Yale system but my friends who work there easy for them to change roles every few years. The only ones who are stuck are nurses and even then they could switch what area they want to work in but still have to do nursing.

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