Going through a breakup rn. Finding it very hard to focus on work/life, and finding myself leaning on friends too much. As the fog clears, i realize that I prioritized my ex far too much in my life (before friends, family, myself). He cheated w a rando (premeditated) & talked to his ex weekly while we were together. Convinced me to stay then ended up leaving me Bc it got too hard. Still love him a lot but this all proved too much. No question but any kind words or wisdom would be very welcome

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I think you need the processing support of a therapist. Sounds like enmeshment, and relational trauma.

Just know that it’s ok to feel pain and to take as much time as you need to heal

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I’m so sorry you’re going through this … I am currently grieving through a heart break as well that just took place . Two years of my heart , love, sacrifice all of it invested into someone who just walked away in the most cold and cruel way possible after a misunderstanding/ fight with no willingness to even have a phone call to resolve things . Used the abusive stonewalling technique. Also a month before he was supposed to move in after two years together …

As I go through this .. the emotions come and go in waves … I go through cycles of anger , sadness , crying , grief , shock , denial all of it ..

If you have the chance or option.. look into therapy .. it’s helpful for me .. I’m also journaling.. leaning on family and friends .. it was hard for 2 weeks to eat properly or sleep or function ..

But I’m picking myself up each day and taking baby steps .. I also wrote positive affirmations/ reminders and stuck them on my wall so I see it everyday . It will come and go in waves … Time .. Its the medicine for the heart and healing of the soul . Also meditation and prayer (I’m Christian).

I also started making goals for myself and working towards it . Reconnecting with friends . Goals towards my health (physical, mental ) goals towards my career . I traveled for a month to Europe (solo). If you can in time , look into doing that .

Most importantly, you’re not alone .

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It’s takes time to un love… be kind to yourself and know that with time you will be able to move on..sending much ❤️

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Thanks all. This is really helpful.

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Why do you still love him after he treated you this way?

He's not your pet project. See people for what they are, not their potential, because whether they achieve the "potential" YOU see is their problem, not yours. I hope you can redirect the love you have for him towards yourself instead.

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Fuck him. You deserve better

He has shown you who he is, and he is not good to you. You can find someone who wouldn’t dream of doing those things. Wishing you the best in healing. Maybe find a new hobby and try to reconnect with old friends to help take your mind off this and have something to be excited about.

You are not alone in this experience - in everything you wrote. It will get harder before it gets better as you learn how to love yourself and to be kind to yourself over the trauma you’ve been through. But you will get through this. As I’m trying to navigate my way back from similar sh*t. PM me if you want to talk. Best of luck regardless.

Thank you … it took me two years to understand he was a complete narcissist . It just blindsided me in the past month (as he always led with “im the nice guy” trope ) and I’m working through the abuse and who the hell was the man I knew and loved for the last two years who blindsided me as someone else in the past month ..

Appreciate the support . And I will reach out .. Thank you. Here for you too.

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I'm with you. If anything we can dm and badmouth our ex's 🤣🤣

So sorry. It will hurt less as time goes on, and eventually you will be glad you’re no longer in a negative relationship. In the mean time keep becoming who you want to be. Much love

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