{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Got in a spat with my SO. He didn’t want to wake up to drop me to the airport at 330am and said it was unreasonable that I was asking that of him. He helped arrange a taxi service (we’re on vacation). I am still pretty miffed that he thinks he’s in the right to avoid being inconvenienced. I woulda woken up and taken him and it’s not about saving dollars. Sometimes you show love by being willing to be inconvenienced. F here fwiw", "post_id": "61cc3d17cfea2b0029cd443a", "reply_count": 365, "vote_count": 49, "bowl_id": "5e8656b80bdab1002a7355dc", "bowl_name": "Confession ", "feed_type": "bowl" }
null

Got in a spat with my SO. He didn’t want to wake up to drop me to the airport at 330am and said it was unreasonable that I was asking that of him. He helped arrange a taxi service (we’re on vacation). I am still pretty miffed that he thinks he’s in the right to avoid being inconvenienced. I woulda woken up and taken him and it’s not about saving dollars. Sometimes you show love by being willing to be inconvenienced. F here fwiw

likefunnysmart
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It is blowing my mind that you’d expect this from your SO, let alone want this from your SO? The level of inconvenience for your SO when you’re in a safe city with a taxi service available makes this a very weirdly selfish ask. Maybe there are other examples of him outsourcing inconvenient things that you’d prefer he helped with as per your other comments. I could see some other things being frustrating especially if your love language is acts of service and he’s not offering those acts ever. But disrupting someone’s sleep this much, on vacation, for literally no reason is a very very weird and selfish expectation.

Also, I HATED being pregnant but did it for the family and will do it again for kid 2. But can you please stop comparing this insane request of your SO to surrogacy vs. pregnancy? It’s a terrible comparison (a few examples: surrogacy costs $50-$100k, you have to trust someone else to take care of your baby for 9.5 months, you electing to outsource your pregnancy could take away from someone who needs surrogacy to be pregnant since there isn’t endless supply of surrogates, there is a ton of paperwork involved, it takes multiple years usually to find a proper surrogate, etc. etc. etc.).

likesmartuplifting

You’ve had to get up at 4, correct. Did you also ruin someone else’s day to do that? It’s disrespectful and selfish IMO. Fair though, that’s just my opinion. But I’m surprised how many people call this a red flag, and the surrogacy comparison is downright offensive.

For us, sleep is precious, even more so on vacation. My husband wouldn’t dare get in the way of my sleep and I would dare get in the way of his unless there weren’t other options. And re: your other comments, I’m not a pick-me because I don’t believe in disrupting someone else’s sleep. I don’t expect this sleep disruption from my parents or friends either.

Taking a step back, OP and her bf seem to have a mismatch on what makes them feel loved. It would appear one of my love languages is respecting my sleep, which is where OP and I differ 😆

like

Asking was not wrong in any sense- you should be able to ask for anything from your SO.
Now, consider your own boundaries and how you’d like to be treated. When your partner sets a boundary it’s important to respect it for the relationship to remain healthy (it might be worth it to explore the reasoning behind the boundary, but respect it nonetheless). Then you must evaluate: is this a behavior that you can live with? Does the bad outweigh your SO’s other positive qualities?

Making sacrifices makes us feel good and demonstrates love (though remember: it’s not the only way to show love). However, this can be a dangerous road because sacrificing purposelessly can lead to very damaging behavior. I’m not saying one shouldn’t sacrifice for their SO - but it should be justified.

Consider: With the understanding that you’re the cause of his discomfort due to the timing, is the happiness you gain from him driving instead of someone else enough to override his discomfort? How much less happy are you with the next best alternative (uber)? In the light of “next best alternative” do your feelings about the situation change?

Something to evaluate in yourself: how do you feel about the fact that you’d cause your SO discomfort? If it does not make you think slightly harder (even if you come to the same conclusion) then you need to figure out if it’s you or the relationship, and if you didn’t consider it at all then that’s also something to reflect on.

When I evaluate this for myself I come up with the following: I love my SO, but I also like reading. If my choice is to have her take me to the airport or read a book for an hour then there’s not as big of a gap there for me. Given the inconvenience to her I would not ask her to drive me.

That said, there might be other reasons it would make sense- maybe there’s a financial reason (it’s $100 to get to the airport here), or maybe there is something going on that would warrant extra care (loved one passing away, something else driving your anxiety).

And always, I’d encourage you to share your feelings in a calm manner and get his take. He may be thinking about it differently or there may be something he didn’t mention that changes things for you.

And… that’s all I’ve got. Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

like
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Sounds unreasonable to ask him (or anyone for that matter) to drive you at 330am!! He arranged you a taxi service after all. Team SO here. For context I’m a F 🐠.

likesmarthelpfulupliftingfunny

Yeah OP, but is your dad picking up your SO at 3:30am? Clearly it's not the fact of dropping you off that matters, it's the time - which your completely ignoring

Nope. You'd sit in silence in the car at 330 then the whole sleep schedule for the day would be off. And for what? To show love? Lol, no.

That's annoying and selfish to get mad at them if they have no problem paying for the cab. I have been married 10 years and with my SO for almost 15. We do not take each other to the airport at odd hours. If that is the case we will and have gotten a cab or Uber.

likesmartfunnyhelpful

Lol same !!! Someone help me understand

like

Female here and it would never even cross my mind to ask my husband to drive me to the airport at 3:30a - I respect his time/sleep!

likeupliftinghelpfulfunny

Yeah

Odd you keep comparing your SO to your dad. Do you want a partner or a parent?

likefunnysmarthelpful

He will say this is how my mom makes chicken could you please do it that way? Or my mom always made sure we had dinner by 6pm. I think it is best to do it just like she did. I hope you won’t lose your sh*t when he says that because at that point it will be okay for him to expect the same thing his mom did just like you expect him to do the same thing your dad does.

likesmart

OP - don’t listen to the haters. Wasn’t selfish at all, we are princesses and deserve to be treated as such

likefunny

Princess of what kingdom? This isn’t a Disney movie

like

"Hey honey, mind dropping me off at the airport tonight? It's OK if you can't, I can take an Uber."

"Babe, if you don't mind, take an Uber... am [insert doesn't matter reason here]... I love you though 😘 ❤ "

‐----

End of discussion between two adults.

If your realionship is defined by an Uber ride to the airport, y'all need Jesus

likefunnyuplifting

Chivalry died with gender equality. Many women would be quite offended if a guy is chivalrous towards them, as if they need any protecting. I used to pay for my dates’ ubers, food etc as a guy and whatnot but I realized that by doing so I was denying them the opportunity for total gender equality, so I split everything halfway or sometimes when I’m feeling the social justice vibe let the girl get the whole thing. They love it.

likefunny

There are a lot of pick-me's in these comments 👀👀 (p.s. just because you're married doesn't mean you're not a pick-me)

likefunnysmart

Or they’re just people who disagree with you…

It’s the assumption that someone who disagrees with this doesn’t herself ask for anything from her partner. Like what? To not have the mental capacity to understand how someone may both think this is selfish and know they can ask for what they need is weird.

like

I do try to see both sides of posts when I can - but posters don’t always make that easy.

Love is not - to me - about pointless sadistic sacrifices. “I asked my boyfriend to stub his toe repeatedly and he wouldn’t - does he not love me?”

You needed to get to the airport at the most inconvenient time imaginable; he arranged for you to get to the airport at that time. Enjoy your flight!

likefunny

@GC1, it seems like some people sit around and are like, I have a perfect relationship, how can I f** it up.

likefunny

Married M here. I'd do everything I possibly can to help my wife. Love her to bits and she does so much for me and our relationship is entirely reciprocal.

likeupliftingfunnyhelpful

F here. it’s also a safety concern as e7 pointed out. how have all of the triggered commenters failed to acknowledge that???

like

I’d take you no questions asked. That’s what life is all about, being there for others when they’re in need. I’m appalled by most of the responses here….doesn’t surprise me though considering the type of people I work with. 😢

like

C4 you can step down from your high horse; your bias is showing.

I see both sides. Personally, I would have offered to drive you. I was also just on your end of this and had a ride offered to me which I declined so they could sleep.

likehelpful

I do as well. See both sides and it’s all in the approach. I would have driven her.

like

Just asked my husband for sh**s and giggles if he would drive me and he said “well do I have anything going on the next day” and I said “no” …. And he said “then why wouldn’t I drive you?”

I guess I’ll keep him around a few years longer.

likefunnyuplifting

EY1 your partner is a human being too…

likesmart

Sorry op - it’s a bit selfish of you to ask for that when you can easily get an Uber. Is this because you want him to “show he loves you by missing out on sleep & waking up at the same time that you have to”?

My SO and I used to have to travel for work every Monday and get up at 4. During the weeks I didn’t have to travel, or he didn’t have to travel, we weren’t upset that the other person didn’t take us. Sleep is important and I’d want my partner to rest when they can because we have demanding schedules. I’d make him coffee while he got ready but then would go back to sleep 🤷🏻‍♀️

likehelpfulfunny

It's two kinds of love. Your dad cannot be your life partner and your life partner cannot be your dad, unless you want someone who treats you like a child instead of an equal. Your partner has their own love language(s) and you should consider if asking them to make the "sacrifice" of driving you is a net gain overall for the both of you. Also, can't expect people to read your mind, so if it bothers you and you've never discussed acts of service like this before, that would be a good start. Your partner shouldn't be caught off guard as to why you're upset with them

like

There’s no right or wrong here, just very significant disconnects.

My wife is like you, and would 100% expect me to take her to the airport. I’m like your SO, and think this is 100% ridiculous. However, I would never say that, and I’d get up and take her to the airport, because I know it matters to her.

If the situation was reversed, there’s no way in hell I’d let her get up to take me, and frankly, she wouldn’t offer, because she knows I think it’s stupid.

There’s other things that matter to me, and that’s what she pays attention to.

So instead of turning it into a fight, or about if he loves you enough, or if he measures up to your father (not a good metric), or your minimum expectations, maybe explain how happy and loved and cared for it makes you feel when he does this

likesmarthelpful

Yup this

Eh it’s one damn night, I would’ve driven my SO - doesn’t matter what time. I wouldn’t feel comfortable having my queen in a taxi at 330am.

likeupliftingfunny

And I’m glad I found a husband who values sleep as much as me and would never request or expect this 🤷🏼‍♀️

likesmartfunny

It’s crazy to me how split the answers are.

I’m firmly Team SO. It feels like an incredibly unreasonable request when there are alternatives, and being upset that he didn’t “genuinely seem happy to do it” seems immature. I’ll never understand the “self-flagellation is love” mindset.

If there wasn’t another option, I’d do it in a second without complaint. Making it Plan A makes absolutely no sense to me.

likesmart

I fall in the line of "you can't expect something of someone just because YOU would have done it" I think they need to have a talk about what to expect from each other and what each one thinks is a "reasonable" request.

So glad I'm married. I couldn't handle the entitlement of some of the people on here. Get your own ass to the airport.

OP for the sake of your SO, I hope you stop being such a princess, or he sees the red flags and runs.

likehelpfulfunny

Yes, this manager 4!

like

I think if you love him, you would not have asked him to do this at 3:30am if you can get a taxi (especially since you are on vacation - it is time to for some R&R). If the taxi wasn’t available, that’s another question, but if you can have someone take you, there is no need to ask your SO to get up in a middle of the night to take you there. I do like when my SO drops me off at the airport, but I also respect him when it is during odd hours. No reason to be upset imho

likefunny

Even if my wife says no, i would still drop her myself to the airport. This early in the morning, i would want her to be safe and comfortable. This is what love is about, doing some extra bit for the other person.

like

Yup! This. You never know what creepers are out there. I would do the same for my husband too. Uber is fine, but nothing like a comfortable ride

like

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