Got in a spat with my SO. He didn’t want to wake up to drop me to the airport at 330am and said it was unreasonable that I was asking that of him. He helped arrange a taxi service (we’re on vacation). I am still pretty miffed that he thinks he’s in the right to avoid being inconvenienced. I woulda woken up and taken him and it’s not about saving dollars. Sometimes you show love by being willing to be inconvenienced. F here fwiw

It is blowing my mind that you’d expect this from your SO, let alone want this from your SO? The level of inconvenience for your SO when you’re in a safe city with a taxi service available makes this a very weirdly selfish ask. Maybe there are other examples of him outsourcing inconvenient things that you’d prefer he helped with as per your other comments. I could see some other things being frustrating especially if your love language is acts of service and he’s not offering those acts ever. But disrupting someone’s sleep this much, on vacation, for literally no reason is a very very weird and selfish expectation.

Also, I HATED being pregnant but did it for the family and will do it again for kid 2. But can you please stop comparing this insane request of your SO to surrogacy vs. pregnancy? It’s a terrible comparison (a few examples: surrogacy costs $50-$100k, you have to trust someone else to take care of your baby for 9.5 months, you electing to outsource your pregnancy could take away from someone who needs surrogacy to be pregnant since there isn’t endless supply of surrogates, there is a ton of paperwork involved, it takes multiple years usually to find a proper surrogate, etc. etc. etc.).

Asking was not wrong in any sense- you should be able to ask for anything from your SO.
Now, consider your own boundaries and how you’d like to be treated. When your partner sets a boundary it’s important to respect it for the relationship to remain healthy (it might be worth it to explore the reasoning behind the boundary, but respect it nonetheless). Then you must evaluate: is this a behavior that you can live with? Does the bad outweigh your SO’s other positive qualities?

Making sacrifices makes us feel good and demonstrates love (though remember: it’s not the only way to show love). However, this can be a dangerous road because sacrificing purposelessly can lead to very damaging behavior. I’m not saying one shouldn’t sacrifice for their SO - but it should be justified.

Consider: With the understanding that you’re the cause of his discomfort due to the timing, is the happiness you gain from him driving instead of someone else enough to override his discomfort? How much less happy are you with the next best alternative (uber)? In the light of “next best alternative” do your feelings about the situation change?

Something to evaluate in yourself: how do you feel about the fact that you’d cause your SO discomfort? If it does not make you think slightly harder (even if you come to the same conclusion) then you need to figure out if it’s you or the relationship, and if you didn’t consider it at all then that’s also something to reflect on.

When I evaluate this for myself I come up with the following: I love my SO, but I also like reading. If my choice is to have her take me to the airport or read a book for an hour then there’s not as big of a gap there for me. Given the inconvenience to her I would not ask her to drive me.

That said, there might be other reasons it would make sense- maybe there’s a financial reason (it’s $100 to get to the airport here), or maybe there is something going on that would warrant extra care (loved one passing away, something else driving your anxiety).

And always, I’d encourage you to share your feelings in a calm manner and get his take. He may be thinking about it differently or there may be something he didn’t mention that changes things for you.

And… that’s all I’ve got. Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

Sounds unreasonable to ask him (or anyone for that matter) to drive you at 330am!! He arranged you a taxi service after all. Team SO here. For context I’m a F 🐠.

Nope. You'd sit in silence in the car at 330 then the whole sleep schedule for the day would be off. And for what? To show love? Lol, no.

That's annoying and selfish to get mad at them if they have no problem paying for the cab. I have been married 10 years and with my SO for almost 15. We do not take each other to the airport at odd hours. If that is the case we will and have gotten a cab or Uber.

Female here and it would never even cross my mind to ask my husband to drive me to the airport at 3:30a - I respect his time/sleep!

Odd you keep comparing your SO to your dad. Do you want a partner or a parent?

OP - don’t listen to the haters. Wasn’t selfish at all, we are princesses and deserve to be treated as such

"Hey honey, mind dropping me off at the airport tonight? It's OK if you can't, I can take an Uber."

"Babe, if you don't mind, take an Uber... am [insert doesn't matter reason here]... I love you though 😘 ❤ "

‐----

End of discussion between two adults.

If your realionship is defined by an Uber ride to the airport, y'all need Jesus

I do try to see both sides of posts when I can - but posters don’t always make that easy.

Love is not - to me - about pointless sadistic sacrifices. “I asked my boyfriend to stub his toe repeatedly and he wouldn’t - does he not love me?”

You needed to get to the airport at the most inconvenient time imaginable; he arranged for you to get to the airport at that time. Enjoy your flight!

Married M here. I'd do everything I possibly can to help my wife. Love her to bits and she does so much for me and our relationship is entirely reciprocal.

I’d take you no questions asked. That’s what life is all about, being there for others when they’re in need. I’m appalled by most of the responses here….doesn’t surprise me though considering the type of people I work with. 😢

I see both sides. Personally, I would have offered to drive you. I was also just on your end of this and had a ride offered to me which I declined so they could sleep.

Just asked my husband for sh**s and giggles if he would drive me and he said “well do I have anything going on the next day” and I said “no” …. And he said “then why wouldn’t I drive you?”

I guess I’ll keep him around a few years longer.

Sorry op - it’s a bit selfish of you to ask for that when you can easily get an Uber. Is this because you want him to “show he loves you by missing out on sleep & waking up at the same time that you have to”?

My SO and I used to have to travel for work every Monday and get up at 4. During the weeks I didn’t have to travel, or he didn’t have to travel, we weren’t upset that the other person didn’t take us. Sleep is important and I’d want my partner to rest when they can because we have demanding schedules. I’d make him coffee while he got ready but then would go back to sleep 🤷🏻‍♀️

There’s no right or wrong here, just very significant disconnects.

My wife is like you, and would 100% expect me to take her to the airport. I’m like your SO, and think this is 100% ridiculous. However, I would never say that, and I’d get up and take her to the airport, because I know it matters to her.

If the situation was reversed, there’s no way in hell I’d let her get up to take me, and frankly, she wouldn’t offer, because she knows I think it’s stupid.

There’s other things that matter to me, and that’s what she pays attention to.

So instead of turning it into a fight, or about if he loves you enough, or if he measures up to your father (not a good metric), or your minimum expectations, maybe explain how happy and loved and cared for it makes you feel when he does this

Eh it’s one damn night, I would’ve driven my SO - doesn’t matter what time. I wouldn’t feel comfortable having my queen in a taxi at 330am.

It’s crazy to me how split the answers are.

I’m firmly Team SO. It feels like an incredibly unreasonable request when there are alternatives, and being upset that he didn’t “genuinely seem happy to do it” seems immature. I’ll never understand the “self-flagellation is love” mindset.

If there wasn’t another option, I’d do it in a second without complaint. Making it Plan A makes absolutely no sense to me.

So glad I'm married. I couldn't handle the entitlement of some of the people on here. Get your own ass to the airport.

OP for the sake of your SO, I hope you stop being such a princess, or he sees the red flags and runs.

I think if you love him, you would not have asked him to do this at 3:30am if you can get a taxi (especially since you are on vacation - it is time to for some R&R). If the taxi wasn’t available, that’s another question, but if you can have someone take you, there is no need to ask your SO to get up in a middle of the night to take you there. I do like when my SO drops me off at the airport, but I also respect him when it is during odd hours. No reason to be upset imho

Even if my wife says no, i would still drop her myself to the airport. This early in the morning, i would want her to be safe and comfortable. This is what love is about, doing some extra bit for the other person.