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Who is going out to big dinners today? Nonetheless, when we did it, we always just split evenly and enjoyed each other’s company.
I came here for this comment. Wtf are you doing going out with 10 people right now, OP?
Unless it’s an egregious amount higher, I think when going out to dinner with a big group you accept that you’re splitting the bill evenly and it is what it is. We aren’t in college, we aren’t going to line item a bill and split it up based on who ate what meal and who had a beer vs. a cocktail.
Amen. I was that underpaid person once, I’m not going to force my lifestyle on them now just because I make more now.
Always separate checks, or I’m willing to do the math and Venmo each person myself. I find it incredibly rude and disrespectful when people expect to pay evenly. We all have different preferences, and I always end up paying a ton more than my fair share when you just split it equally.
Moot point since no one should be going out with groups of friends given COVID...you’re a bunch of bloody self centred numpties if you are. However for the sake of the discussion: I don’t drink and am not willing to subsidize your alcohol problem. Most restaurants can very easily break it down by person.
Ew split evenly. I don’t befriend penny pinchers. Mine are more the type that if they drank/ate notably more they will voluntarily pitch in more, usually too much more, but insist.
Take the bill, tack on 20%, divide by number of people, done.
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CP1 I could chill with you. You get it.
I'm paying for what I ate. Not paying a higher amount because Big Steak Tony loves to eat steaks for dinner
D3 have you ever been a waiter? Unless they are using pen and paper like at Waffle House then it's actually super easy. The system I used in the early 2000s could easily do it.
Always down the middle. Just dine proportionally with others. I’m lucky in that most of my friend group are really into food/drink, and we all generally imbibe at the same rate.
If Tomahawk Tony gets the seafood tower for himself every time, make him pay the tip.
This isn’t a personal jab, but I do find it tacky when people scrutinize a big party bill. Just my personal opinion.
You can call him Susan for a sip of ‘59 Mouton
Chief
How much of a difference is it? $5 or like $20.
Don’t pinch pennies, in my opinion
No, I feel pretty comfortable saying that there’s a high correlation between people who want to line item and people who consistently consume less. I wouldn’t mind splitting equally if it actually did come out in the wash, but invariably I order far less than my peers. Eg I almost never order apps or wine at restaurants, but I always get stuck covering those for other people.
Honestly I started offering to pay and then split/Venmo everyone when my group of friends started doing this, because it seemed like the problem was people didn’t wanna deal with itemizing it, but I don’t mind doing that part. Like if I only bought an appetizer and one beer and everyone else got full dinner plus multiple drinks I’m not splitting that equally. I bought less intentionally to not pay as much.
Whenever I go out with a group on behalf of my friends who make less or are saving for weddings/buying a house when we go out to eat they are intentionally ordering less (sometimes even eating at home first) to still be included but not be burdened by a big bill. They know what they are doing by ordering something cheaper and my friends who are ordering an appetizer and drinks with their dinner also know what they are doing and it is on them to cover what they decided to buy. Yes if everyone is ordering is about the same amount then split it evenly but have some social awareness and if someone is intentionally ordering water or skipping on apps/desserts don’t still make them (literally) pay for it. Reciprocity is nice but so is consideration - I don’t want them to leave dinner with a bad taste in their mouth.
I’m vegetarian so 9/10 I’m the one who ordered the cheaper items. And I will side-eye you if you don’t wanna split evenly at the end. So tacky.
BAH1: that’s how I feel. I don’t want to be “that guy” who orders expensive stuff and expects others to foot the bill. I would rather be the one who overpays a little to cover others. On the other hand I don’t want to be constantly subsidizing someone’s else’s expensive wine and cocktails when I had a salad and water. Once in a while is ok. It’s about being respectful of others.
So many of you are acting like you’d rather die than eat with someone that wants to pay for what they order and are saying that those of us that dont want to pay for your extravagant meals don’t deserve friends- does that truly mean that you all are that elitist that you don’t want to have friends that make less than you? You’re going to look down on them that much? I personally am going to switch that on all of you and say you should probably go talk to a therapist or something with all that extra money if you’re going to judge your friends that have different financial goals/salaries than you. I think it’s truly you all that don’t “deserve your friends”. I hope you enjoy losing friends and only having your other elitist socialite friends!
CD2, get off the high horse please. Nobody here is talking about splitting $6. Others have given better example of $60 becoming $150, and that may be considerable amount for some.
You’re also assuming that every such meal happens between super close friends. There are plenty large dinners between casual friends, and there are always handful pricks who order way more than the table average.
Either split evenly or one person pays and tells the group “I’ll text you tomorrow what you each owe me”...transfer funds...end of transaction
Do this, pay with credit card, and then leverage the timing difference to invest the cash received for the month before the credit card comes due
I hate splitting evenly. I'm a bit frugal so when I go out to eat, I'll eat what I can afford, I don't drink as well. I don't want to be paying for someone's giant steak & alc while I'm eating chicken. Unless I'm with my close friends (like 5 people), I'll even pick up the tab since they're worth it.
Unless it's a family style dinner (shared dishes), then this might be a bit different.
Even going out on a regular basis, it was just our natural response to getting separate checks or Venmo. Other groups may be different. I usually find the person who insisted on evenly split is the person who had the most expensive meal cause their family is well off or has a more expensive taste buds.
I’m shocked by the amount of people the split by line item. I assumed that died when we left college. I generally don’t go to a restaurant where I think someone would be uncomfortable with the price point of an average dinner. If someone orders drastically more than everyone else I’m confident it will even out eventually or they’ll offer to pay extra.
I also think this is cultural / based on family values. I have a group of European friends and we’re usually fighting to pay for the whole thing, but one of our friends started dating someone who fully takes advantage of the situation.
This depends a lot on where in Europe you are. The term for splitting by line item is “going Dutch” and that’s not accidental- in Germany it’s also quite common for servers to split the bill for you without asking and then charge each person individually.
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I have a group of friends (ages in the high 30s/low 40s) who we frequently go out with. Dinners are always at high end restaurants where the bill comes out to 200+ a person. They are all well off so this kind of money is pocket change for them, or so they act. We normally split the bill evenly since that is what we’ve always done and we never want to make it awkward. My husband and I are more health conscious so we don’t drink as much as them (they all order several cocktails and expensive liquor), and they order the most expensive steak while we get fish. I’ve done the math and there are times where we paid close to $150-$300 more just because we split the bill evenly. They never offer to pay more and order everything on the menu and when the bill comes they just assume let’s split it down the middle since that’s “fair” for everyone. One time we asked the waiter for a separate check just to see the reaction. Most of them didn’t care but one of the women (who is usually the one that orders the most) went nuts. She was shocked that we would want to pay separately and made a big stink about it. So while I admit getting separate checks is a bit awkward, why she was so mad that we decided to do that was very telling. Who cares? Only makes me think she is so upset because now we aren’t helping to subsidize their check. Needless to say we no longer go out with them. I think the issue here is not so much the money, it’s more the lack of consideration when splitting the bill. If people would always say “no I ordered more I’ll pay more” everyone would be happy. The problem is that’s not the case.
Certainly inconsiderate of that person to make a big fuss about it, and your approach of getting a separate check for yourself was the right move given the data you had. It's a good case study for one person with different habits asking for a check for themselves McK1, not for that one person to ask for separate checks for everyone. Normal people wouldn't judge that, especially at a place with $15 cocktails and you are not drinking.
It is kind of weird to do it "just to see the reaction" though.
Pro
Geez, who even has that many friends?
I'm really confused by this conversation. What's the reason to split evenly? Is it significantly easier for the waiter or something?
I don't see how it's rude / unfriendly for everyone to pay for what they ordered...that seems like the obvious default option.
Significantly easier for those who ordered too much & can't calc how much they owe, so split evenly the total bill. 😂
For the waiter, it's still get one bill & one person pays while everyone venmo what they owe (per meal or evenly). So I don't see the extra difference unless you're wanting your own receipts. I'm same default as you w/ the pay your own meal but we don't have waitstaff print out each receipt for each meal unless it's a few of us.
Am I the only one that would feel bad ordering better menu items then expecting whoever I was with to split the bill evenly? If I knew an even split was going to happen I would feel compelled to order similar or less than everyone else.
Chief
I would feel very bad about this. But many people are oblivious to their impact on others. Which is Why the separate checks work so well. And if I order appetizers for the group, will always tell them to put it on my tab. Not everyone wants nor likes the same apps.
Offer to calculate the splits for the group (most people are just too lazy and assume the difference evens out over time but this isn't always the case) and to venmo the person covering the bill.
This! I don’t drink alcohol and whenever I go out with ppl and the bill comes if I volunteer to breakdown the bill no one bats an eye - it’s usually the awkwardness or laziness that makes ppl just say ahh let’s just split it evenly.
I always bring cash. If the splitting gets out of hand, I’ll throw my portion on the table and tap out
I usually see the penny pinchers wanting to split the check evenly after ordering the most.
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Taking a poll.
My guess is just about everyone who insists on line itemizing the bill and everyone paying different amounts based on what they personally ate and drank votes Republican.
And just about everyone who thinks that line itemizing is tacky and generally prefers everyone split the check evenly no matter what people ate and drank barring outlier discrepancies votes Democrat.
Right or wrong?
Democrat - I don’t like itemizing the bill - I didn’t care in university but in actual adult life it’s just kinda awkward to sit there itemizing if ur with close friends