Guys, I need your thoughts on a dilemma. I have a rule, that whenever someone cooks, the other person should do the dishes, ideally that night. Not unreasonable. I do most of the cooking now since I WFH and my husband goes into his office. When he’s supposed to do dishes he lets them “soak” and they’ll sit there for a few days..it’s so gross and I can’t handle it. I’ve tried different strategies of explaining, yelling, not yelling, doing them myself after all, mini cooking strikes, etc. Help?!

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Serve his food on dirty dishes.

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This made me laugh out loud.

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My husband cooks and loads dishes like an 8 year old. I’m happy to do both and let him shine by taking out the trash, carrying heavy groceries, cleaning up cat puke, etc. Is there another chore he could do?

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Stop cooking.

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Don't order in, he'll be fine with that. Cook or prepare just for yourself. Then clean just your pots and dishes. Next time get an apartment with a dishwasher.

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My wife used to leave used tissues and napkins around the house with the thought being that the napkin/tissue was t fully utilized so rather than throw it out leave it in easy reach for next time. Our house would have twenty or so of these all the time laying around. When company came over she would scramble and clean them all up before they arrived. One day out of the blue she yelled at me for leaving the toilet seat up and the door open of my bathroom (we have four bathrooms so we each have our own) saying that every time she walks by it doesn’t look tidy. Never realized it bothered her so I just started dropping the seat and closing the door. And then I told her that if I ever find half used tissues and napkins around the house again, I walk.

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My mom does this with paper towels its wild.

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Thanks everyone for your input. My goal isn’t to start a war here, just want a resolution to a recurring annoying problem. We do have a dishwasher btw too. And he’s not an ass; he definitely steps up and owns other household chores and gets shit done around the house. Glad to hear I’m not the only one dealing with a dish situation 😆 Strike it is!

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for the past two, maybe three years, i’ve done the cooking in our house, for various reasons. i held the same opinion as you. but 95% of the time, i still washed everything. even on the rare occasion she cooked...i still washed.

it’s frustrating. but honestly, a small battle for me that i’m not willing to die on my sword for. some people just don’t have the same work ethic and timelines.

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Same boat but it’s my wife who just leaves the dirty dishes untouched, and I do the cooking. What’s worse - no attempt to even let them soak...so yeah, I feel your pain.

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So cook for yourself. Eat. Clean your own dishes. Repeat.

likeuplifting

Do you want to try to switch roles? Have him cook and you do the dishes? Maybe he just hates doing dishes lol and might be more willing to cook?

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Not a bad thought as he does cook, but it’s just easier for me since I WFH now and he doesn’t so dinner is ready when he comes home earlier vs him starting to cook after 5:30/6 after he gets back.

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Same here, I cook and he always says he will do the dishes (but in his own time). It bothers me so much that I start doing the dishes. I know it is kind of unfair, but then I also feel like this is no point to ruin my day, and resent him for it that we will both end up in bad mood. My mentality is that our chores even out because I will often ask him to take the cars for service, do house repairs, pick up grocery, etc.

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Switch to paper plates and plastic utensils until he gets his act together. That cuts down on some of the washing.

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Make him buy a dish washer.

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I think a solution would be to have two dishwashers so you never have to take them out but do one clean/one dirty 🤔

I’d make dinner tonight and tell him it’s the last one you are making him unless he agrees to do his part. Don’t be angry, don’t be petty, just say it makes you feel disrespected and that you are backing off the cooking in order to stop feeling used, that it’s causing you distress and resentment is building and you can only control your own actions so that’s what this is about. If he wants to have an honest conversation about it, that’s fine. But the rule going forward is if the dishes last night were not done, no dinner tonight.

If he resorts to like making his own dinner and leaving the dishes still, you have a bigger problem.

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It’s a house rule for us. So ingrained that it’s habit. If someone wants to get out of their cleanup duties we pay each other. Keeps it funny.

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And check what he’s doing in that office.

Now this is uncalled for and unrelated? He’s going to work...

I had this fight with my boyfriend this week. No joke! A recurring argument. I said essentially the exact same thing to him.

My girlfriend cooks and does the dishes. Why don’t you just clean it if it bothers you so much?

Glad I don’t work on team projects with you. You sound a bit lazy and misogynistic

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Withhold that Gluck Gluck

What if you still cooked but let him know he can’t eat until after the dishes are done? Figure out a way to lock those meals up! 😉

The ‘washing them on a different timeline’ is a statement that he can’t be bothered to be part of a team everyday — I would not be a fan. At MINIMUM the dishes would need to be washed by midnight when cohabitating with a roommate (IMO).

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