{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "had a miscarriage recently and am having hard time not to think or worry about what happened. It’s been 3 weeks and my husband just yelled at me saying 1. I should be grateful for the kid I have 2. We didn’t plan so I can’t worry about it. 3. That he is done caring for our toddler in the mornings( he wakes up pretty early in the morning due to daylight savings) and i am unable to sleep at night, end up sleeping in the morning. Does anyone go to therapy for miscarriage? Does it help?", "post_id": "5fa435cb81ba3e00240f3259", "reply_count": 10, "vote_count": 4, "bowl_id": "58f81646ae9f610010f869be", "bowl_name": "Consulting Moms" }

had a miscarriage recently and am having hard time not to think or worry about what happened. It’s been 3 weeks and my husband just yelled at me saying 1. I should be grateful for the kid I have 2. We didn’t plan so I can’t worry about it. 3. That he is done caring for our toddler in the mornings( he wakes up pretty early in the morning due to daylight savings) and i am unable to sleep at night, end up sleeping in the morning. Does anyone go to therapy for miscarriage? Does it help?

like
Posting as :
works at
You are currently posting as works at

I'm so sorry for your loss and also for the increased tension at home. It sounds like your husband is riled up from stress and (hopefully) not truly mad at your sadness re: the miscarriage. I did go to therapy after my miscarriage; I did so more from the angle that I was repressing a lot of feelings and acted like everything was okay externally but really felt it eating at me internally. Therapy helped me a lot in healing. That said, it sounds like the core issue is the relationship dynamic with you and your husband and perhaps it requires a sit down conversation when tensions are not as high to talk about how you feel and what emotional support you need from him. Couples therapy can help too as a next step.

like

I am so so sorry for your loss. A miscarriage is absolutely something that you can go to therapy for. In fact, I was such a mess that I had to take a 3 mo sabbatical from work so that I can properly get the help I needed. Fortunately my husband was so incredibly supportive and did not blame me in any way for this loss. I will say, your husband being unsupportive at this hard time is unreasonable to me. Yes of course you can be grateful for the child you have but that doesn't mean you aren't allowed to mourn the one you lost even if it wasn't expected. I'm so sorry mama. You are absolutely allowed to grieve. Please find someone who you can lean on. We're here for you.

like

Definitely here for you let me know if I can be of any help. Sorry for your loss!! Can totally relate to your feelings. Time will heal.

like

Sounds like you are still grieving in your own ways (insomnia at night), have you considered taking some time off and focus on healing? Miscarriage is never easy- especially on the female who goes through both the mental and physical trauma. And in times like this if your s/o is unable to provide the type of support you need (maybe because he's grievingin his own way) - try external forces, but focus on yourself before anything else.

like

Your husband sounds like a dick.... I would recommend couples therapy. There are also miscarriage support groups. Miscarriage is incredibly painful. My heart goes out to you, OP. I hope you find a good support system and that your husband finds his empathy and compassion.

like

I’ve been in therapy ever since my miscarriage 3 years ago even though I now have a happy healthy 14 month old. It’s ok to need support and I’m very sorry that your husband isn’t stepping up. I encourage you to find a therapist, it’s an absolute godsend. I’m so very sorry for your loss.

like

I went through therapy too. Please take care of yourself and rest up

like

Chiming in that you deserve the space to heal and process this. Your husband sounds like a dreadful person but I’ll chalk it up for grief and perhaps the added stress of this years events. That aside, he needs to tune in and be better for all of you, especially as you rest up and heal. Be well!

like

I’m so sorry OP. I had a missed miscarriage in September so am still currently processing as well. I know everyone tells you it is common, but that doesn’t matter! It is still devastating for you as a mama. Take all the time you need to process. My husband and I processed the loss extremely differently which caused lots of tension. He is normally so caring it was hard for me to understand how he wasn’t as upset as me. We both talked to our therapists separately and have been to couples counseling too. I definitely recommend going to therapy both individually and together. It’s helped my husband understand my point of view and improved our communication on this topic. The other thing that our couples therapist recommended that has helped is to discuss a grieving plan. As a consultant who loves a good plan I was all about this. We discussed how to honor this little spirit at key milestones (D&C, national pregnancy loss day, getting my period back, and the projected birth date) and how we expected to feel. These little ceremonies definitely helped me process and were as simple as making a donation on national pregnancy loss day to buying a plant (aloe for healing) to remember. Happy to chat with you to if you’re interested. Talking to others who miscarried has been so healing for me.

like

I’m so sorry OP. I had a miscarriage a year ago and I still think about it. There’s no time limit to when you’re supposed to be okay. Just because it wasn’t planned doesn’t make it less painful. It doesn’t mean you love your toddler any less (my kid was 2 when I had a miscarriage). It sounds like your husband needs to be educated on what it’s like to go through this trauma and learn to be more sympathetic. I did go to therapy. It was also to deal with the multiple rounds of IVF but also helped cope with the loss.

Related Posts

Anyone else find it impossible to control what you eat pregnant? I was a littler overweight to begin with and I’m up 40 pounds already (two weeks left) just stress eating ice cream all damn day 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

like

Need tips for dating someone with a kid

like

Hey all! I’m looking for help on planning a Mother’s Day weekend getaway. My mom has been working really hard and the year got tougher as my dad can’t really walk anymore and needs full total care. My mom is a very strong woman but I can def see the emotional toll when I talk to her.Thinking of a 2 day mother daughter getaway at Martha’s Vineyard or something like that in New England with a beachfront. Just something to get out of the house. Any recommendations would be appreciated. Thanks!

likeuplifting

Has anyone changed employers in the same year as taking parental leave? Planning to actively look elsewhere, starting in June. However, we are expecting our first child in December.

like

Finally got this baby delivered from Japan...was lucky enough to find a classic MM300 in pristine condition. Choice for me was between this and a new BB and went with this one!

Post Photo
likehelpful

Why am I so afraid of telling my partner that I’m pregnant? I just got promoted and feel like it will make me look bad that I am going to go on leave during my first year as a manager. cont...

likehelpful

How much were your total out of pocket costs to deliver a baby? Assuming no complications as I know with complications it can vary quite a bit. Want to compare what perks FAANG vs Big4 vs other firms have.

like

F 🐠. Mid-20s with awesome boyfriend! Unfortunately, working at a firm with potential exposure. Sole heir to parent’s niche clients. Top 25% in Miami market. DM for more contact info. Not sure what to do but ideally want to stick it out…

likefunny

Question for immigrating generation parents or people with traditionally conservative mindsets raising daughters in this country. How have you reconciled your traditional mindset and perhaps ideas on conservative dressing, piercings, ink etc with a daughter who is increasingly interested in it and headed into her teens. I do think body positivity is important but I'm also stuck maybe a generation behind where it comes to looking professional. What was your approach? (im the father if it matters)

like

Has anyone seen the Walmart spot where the mom buys new pacifiers and sippy cups every time the baby drops them on the floor or the dog gets one? Clearly no actual parents on that team...

likefunny

Mother, this is my silver vine. Do not attempt to take it.

Post Photo
likefunny

I’ve been asked to weigh in on how to improve my firms parental leave policy. It’s currently 8 weeks paid for birth parent with an extra week for each year at the firm (up to 12 weeks total) and 2 weeks paid for non-birth parent. I’m in a major city, firm is a boutique that has been around a very long time. What would you suggest? Any studies or research you’ve seen recently on trends in parental leave policies also helpful. I’d like to have some sort of data to back up what I recommend. TIA!

like

Moms in Philadelphia, how much maternity leave do I get? I am remote but my firm is in bay area. They offer four week pre partum and ten weeks post partum

like

Hi All, Need Investment advice as someone is just starting to invest and cant invest in stocks due to employer restrictions. I am not doing any Roth/IRA as no matching by employer. I have a single income household with kid, and have a 50-50 chance of continuing in US beyond 2021.

like

Do any other firms have a policy that requires you to return to work for a certain period after paid parental leave, and if you choose to leave you are required to pay it back? If so, is there anyone who decided to leave before the end of that period? What happens if you can’t afford to pay it back?

helpfullike

Need advice on hating your sibling’s significant other. My sister is polyamorous and bisexual (not judging- just giving perspective) and I’ve never liked the people she dates- they’ve all cheated on her or been otherwise disrespectful and treated her poorly. She is 21, and is now dating a 39 year old man who lives in an off grid cabin. From what I’ve seen he is basically a 39 year child. No responsibilities, does whatever he wants. No future plans. I’m concerned but don’t want to push her away.

like

Can someone from ACN tell me how the new maternity leave policy works? Contacted HR, read the policy but an confused if you get the 16 weeks plus FMLA, then your PTO if you want to take that.

Leading all-male team. What’s a nice way of saying “Read the background materials, branding docs & myriad other documentation before asking questions because I am not your mother/reference librarian”?

likefunny

Advice needed please 🙏🏻 for datings apps: when should one reveal that one has a kid?? I’m 38F with a 5 year old and I get the impression men run miles from me

like

Any recent moms who had a virtual baby shower as a result of Covid? If so could you share details/recs on how to organize? Looking to plan one for a friend who’s due in August.

like

Additional Posts

I saw some people here who were denied for lack of evidence of relationship with employer for working at client sites. I currently work from home but could be working from my home office.

like

Do most people here get the opportunity to work from home when not traveling? I’m thinking about jumping but don’t want to lose this perk if it’s not common place.

like

Hi All, On which topics can we expect questions for SAP SD role with 4 YOE? Please let me know..

like

Going to have a salary conversation for a Director job at a smallish but successful software company. What is a fair salary and package for Director? Oracle is not a good example of decent pay.

like

I think I am in an emotionally abusive relationship. I am married with a small child. I have been walking on eggshells for years, afraid of triggering my husband and his rage. He is constantly screaming at me or giving me the silent treatment for no reason at all. Interestingly enough, he’s a good father and my child adores him. I don’t know what to do, and I’m terrified of losing time with my child and the impact on my child longer term if I leave him. He won’t go to counseling. Advice?

like

What is the life sciences specialist role at LEK like? How do the responsibilities and progression / future opportunities differ between LSS and a generalist consultant working in the life sciences space?

like

Hello ladies! I am 12 weeks pregnant. When is a good time to tell work about it? Any tips on how to tell? I wonder if I should tell the Partner I’m working with and my mentor right away or just wait for another month or so. Thanks!

like

What’s the rank hierarchy like in IBM? Where would an “Associate Partner” sit in comparison to a big 4 consulting firm? Got an offer I am evaluating

And now the MQMs and Elite Nights roll back to 0. Cheers to another year of chasing status and points. Happy 2020, 🐠.

likefunny

Why do the big four keep hiring college students aggressively then fire them after a year for having low utilization. Why not just hire the amount you can actually staff

like

EY 🐠 at what level are seniors eligible for promotion taking in to account that they are capable and ready, is it at the beginning of senior 3 or end of year 3?

like

Any best advice for a recent graduate/intern to make their way through agency life? Tips? Dos and don'ts?

like
like

What should be the next certification that I should get? I have the CFE. I’m targeting the CFCS and the ACAMS as the next ones that I should get. Any thoughts on which one I should get 1st? Pros/Cons

like

I will be joining EY India by next week, just need few suggestions. EY have offered me almost 225% hike on my current CTC but all is in fixed part no Variable or joining bonus they are ready to pay. Should I try asking for Joining Bonus as I have heard the BIG 4's pay minimum 1lakh joining bonus to lateral Hires. NOTE : I am just 2+ years of experience ! EY EY India

like

Anyone have the CFF from the AICPA and willing to share their studying/exam experience? Curious about required effort, study plans, exam structure, overall opinions of the cert. Thanks!

like

United lost my son's car seat on a 3 hr flight. It was registered as a checked luggage with the proper csrseat tag and everything. After following up with an agent after we landed, they said it stayed in EWR and they are working to get it shipped to me in the next day or so while I'm on vacation. Anyway to get points for the inconvenience, I'm Premier platinum if it matters. They did give me a free loaner carseat until mine arrives but it's kinda crappy tbh.

like

For those newborn, working parents, at what age did you send your baby/child to daycare?

like

Need some advice, I’m a third year healthcare/corp/M&A associate in Texas from a small firm. Was let go today because of recent hires and not enough billable work. Feel like I should try everything possible to secure another job and still a bit shocked. So if anyone in this bowl has any leads, please let me k ow! TIA!

like

Currently in IR and want to move to a better work life balance role....maybe engineering. Do engineers get paid more than responders/analyst? Looking to get the AWS SAA and maybe try to squeeze my way into a cloud sec role since i have about a year of AWS exp.

like

New to Fishbowl?

Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
Download Fishbowl to see what others are saying
That was just a preview…
Sign Up to see all discussions
  • Discover what it’s like to work at companies from real professionals
  • Get candid advice from people in your field in a safe space
  • Chat and network with other professionals in your field
Sign up in seconds to unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.

Already a user?
Login here

Share

Embed this post

Copy and paste embed code on your site

Preview

Download the Fishbowl app

Get realtime notifications and see
what's happening in your industry
from the palm of your hand.

For account settings, visit Fishbowl on Desktop Browser or

General

Legal