Wow if this is how the father of my child spoke about my mom just because of her English skills, id question if I made a bad decision by marrying him. Xenophobia much? English is her second language. How many languages do you know?
“She is nice but her English isn’t great and half the things she says doesn’t make sense”. If her English isn’t great and doesn’t make sense half the time, what’s your point? You can’t understand her half the time anyways?
The point is maybe it’s more annoying/a stressor for your wife because she knows it upsets you. The point is Maybe you should stop thinking about your tiny inconveniences, and toughen up for a few weeks seeing as how your wife’s parents are helping you both, & is a comfort to your wife in a time of physical and mental stress. Your wife was uncomfortable for 9 months and then had to squeeze something the size of a watermelon out of a coin hole, so you having the tiny inconvenience of being unable to understand what your MIL is saying about your baby, or eat meat and drink for a few weeks pales in comparison
Just wow - my In-laws came from India when our daughter was born and my MIL does not speak much English. The tone in her voice and her caring and loving actions towards us all was the only thing I noticed. Sorry to say this but shame on you.
Is a huge help to have family caregiver after a newborn. With work starting Monday hopefully you can mind your own business more for just three more weeks. And with babycare money saved—if she didn’t come—see if your wife wants to go out with you for a meal or two.
I get annoyed with my mom too but your post is just rude and disrespectful to her. I still don't understand why you can't eat meat in your own house because of her. That's a discussion to have with your wife.
The English thing is overblown. But Not eating meat or having alcohol in my own house? Yeah that’s a hard pass. It’s her religion so don’t eat or drink it but I will have what ever I want in my own home.
If it bothers you so much you can 1) hire a full time nanny, 2) ask your mom to help, or 3) help out yourself so a third person is not needed. If those options don’t work I would thank your lucky stars your MIL is willing to do it for free.
On the bright side you don’t have to actively engage and can zone out and probably don’t seem rude at all keeping to yourself. I spent 8 min on the phone with my husband’s mom and was exhausted (she’s great but exhausting).
We are outsourcing everything - live-in nanny, cleaning, and daycare if/when Covid dies down - because we both know if we got our parents involved we would both be too annoyed to the point of it negatively impacting our happiness. Just not worth it for our sanity. Your feelings are valid however I think if your MIL spoke English the annoyance might be exacerbated because you’d feel obligated to engage more often.
Also not trying to start a suffering Olympics but if your wife was anything like most pregnant women with nausea - I’m guessing she had to cut a lot out of her diet. You can simply order your own food and eat is separately. What I would give to be able to do that right now and not gag at the thought of meat or any other delicious food I enjoyed pre pregnancy
Great points - we do have full time help and my parents live close by. It provides comfort for my wife that her mom is here. I am just confessing that I am annoyed when she is here but in the end I rather keep my wife happy than me. It’s most likely exacerbated by Covid, lack of seeing people and lack of sleep. I just wish it was easier to have her here.
I am so so glad we didn’t do this when our son was born - no-one visited for the first few weeks and then very sparingly after that. See the kid, play with him, get out… Good luck man, I really feel you.
With our third baby my parents came and stayed with us for two weeks. They drove me totally insane. Usually I get along with them very well and in general they are helpful but man there was something about them, the post partum hormones, and the sleep deprivation that make me so annoyed that they were around.
My wife threw her parents out of the house. It was a weird scene. FIL was really focused on hand drying the glasses so there wouldn't be water spots. My wife was trying to feed the baby and her parents were bickering loudly about how they didn't know how we had organized the kitchen (we were standing right there). Wife kept on saying, thank you for helping, much appreciated, but please leave it, just need quiet right now...
Oh should note, wife was also recovering some C section surgery, not that any mom is really super ambulatory after giving birth, but it's not like she could really go anywhere
I hear you bro. First super congrats on your baby arriving. All you are saying is it is frustrating to have a guest, but feel like a stranger in your own house. You are trying to feel grateful, but you are legit frustrated. I read some of the other responses, I think they failed to hear you and your struggle trying to balance it all. I hear you bud. Just love on that baby. Help your wife and tolerate the MIL.
As an immigrant myself, I'm not as offended as others about this guy's post. I just finished a longish year living with my in-laws (they were starting with us) and my parents are visiting us from abroad, so also staying with us. If I had to confess, and I do confess this to my husband sometimes when it relates to my in-laws because... I chose him, not them, and he's really good at listening and understanding. The things that drive me crazy are sometimes 'not nice'. But it is everyday life, and some days are hard, and sometimes it's those minor things that grate that last amount of energy you had left. So then you come to a social media app and confess in a dumb post, and still host your MIL and enjoy that your wife has her near. For the love of life, this dude married the daughter of this woman, his actions more than his words in a moment of frustration speak of how biased (or not) and accepting (or not) of other cultures he is. Give the man a break.
Being with a full house right now, I hear you. When my mother came to help us when my son was born, she returned to my home country earlier than expected. It was HARD. You are doing great, it's ok to feel how you're feeling, and it's great you've been able to give your wife this time with her mother which she seems to enjoy.
Pro
Wait it out - if it’s bringing your wife some comfort, I would be patient, esp after the birth of child
Chief
Wow if this is how the father of my child spoke about my mom just because of her English skills, id question if I made a bad decision by marrying him. Xenophobia much? English is her second language. How many languages do you know?
Chief
“She is nice but her English isn’t great and half the things she says doesn’t make sense”.
If her English isn’t great and doesn’t make sense half the time, what’s your point? You can’t understand her half the time anyways?
The point is maybe it’s more annoying/a stressor for your wife because she knows it upsets you. The point is Maybe you should stop thinking about your tiny inconveniences, and toughen up for a few weeks seeing as how your wife’s parents are helping you both, & is a comfort to your wife in a time of physical and mental stress. Your wife was uncomfortable for 9 months and then had to squeeze something the size of a watermelon out of a coin hole, so you having the tiny inconvenience of being unable to understand what your MIL is saying about your baby, or eat meat and drink for a few weeks pales in comparison
Rising Star
Are you really annoyed that she can’t speak proper English?
She’s not there for you she’s there for your wife
Just wow - my In-laws came from India when our daughter was born and my MIL does not speak much English. The tone in her voice and her caring and loving actions towards us all was the only thing I noticed. Sorry to say this but shame on you.
Good for you bro
Take a bottle and bucket of KFC to bed bro
Is a huge help to have family caregiver after a newborn. With work starting Monday hopefully you can mind your own business more for just three more weeks. And with babycare money saved—if she didn’t come—see if your wife wants to go out with you for a meal or two.
I get annoyed with my mom too but your post is just rude and disrespectful to her.
I still don't understand why you can't eat meat in your own house because of her. That's a discussion to have with your wife.
The English thing is overblown. But Not eating meat or having alcohol in my own house? Yeah that’s a hard pass. It’s her religion so don’t eat or drink it but I will have what ever I want in my own home.
Rising Star
If it bothers you so much you can 1) hire a full time nanny, 2) ask your mom to help, or 3) help out yourself so a third person is not needed. If those options don’t work I would thank your lucky stars your MIL is willing to do it for free.
On the bright side you don’t have to actively engage and can zone out and probably don’t seem rude at all keeping to yourself. I spent 8 min on the phone with my husband’s mom and was exhausted (she’s great but exhausting).
We are outsourcing everything - live-in nanny, cleaning, and daycare if/when Covid dies down - because we both know if we got our parents involved we would both be too annoyed to the point of it negatively impacting our happiness. Just not worth it for our sanity. Your feelings are valid however I think if your MIL spoke English the annoyance might be exacerbated because you’d feel obligated to engage more often.
Also not trying to start a suffering Olympics but if your wife was anything like most pregnant women with nausea - I’m guessing she had to cut a lot out of her diet. You can simply order your own food and eat is separately. What I would give to be able to do that right now and not gag at the thought of meat or any other delicious food I enjoyed pre pregnancy
Great points - we do have full time help and my parents live close by. It provides comfort for my wife that her mom is here. I am just confessing that I am annoyed when she is here but in the end I rather keep my wife happy than me. It’s most likely exacerbated by Covid, lack of seeing people and lack of sleep. I just wish it was easier to have her here.
Chief
I am so so glad we didn’t do this when our son was born - no-one visited for the first few weeks and then very sparingly after that. See the kid, play with him, get out… Good luck man, I really feel you.
Rising Star
Hey I feel you.
She can’t speak a second language properly! You can’t speak a second language at all- it seems! Maybe time to look into the mirror!
Pro
With our third baby my parents came and stayed with us for two weeks. They drove me totally insane. Usually I get along with them very well and in general they are helpful but man there was something about them, the post partum hormones, and the sleep deprivation that make me so annoyed that they were around.
My wife threw her parents out of the house. It was a weird scene. FIL was really focused on hand drying the glasses so there wouldn't be water spots. My wife was trying to feed the baby and her parents were bickering loudly about how they didn't know how we had organized the kitchen (we were standing right there). Wife kept on saying, thank you for helping, much appreciated, but please leave it, just need quiet right now...
Oh should note, wife was also recovering some C section surgery, not that any mom is really super ambulatory after giving birth, but it's not like she could really go anywhere
She was here for two months and then went back home. She came up for Christmas and is staying for 3 more weeks
Chief
That is brutal. Hugs; this too shall pass….
Chief
Most of your concerns are valid.
Why in the world is her limited English an issue for you, if you can speak to her in the native language?
Assimilation doesn’t mean try-too-hard.
Chief
You said you can understand it though, can’t you?
Would you really prefer that she speak to you in a colonial language instead?
Chief
Damn. This post is… something else.
I feel bad for OP’s wife, MIL, and the new kid - imagine having such a close-minded person for a parent? Poor kid.
Agree w McKinsey2, that's a hypercritical personal attack
I hear you bro. First super congrats on your baby arriving. All you are saying is it is frustrating to have a guest, but feel like a stranger in your own house. You are trying to feel grateful, but you are legit frustrated. I read some of the other responses, I think they failed to hear you and your struggle trying to balance it all. I hear you bud. Just love on that baby. Help your wife and tolerate the MIL.
Then word it better 😆
This is why some people liked to travel regularly for work no doubt
As an immigrant myself, I'm not as offended as others about this guy's post. I just finished a longish year living with my in-laws (they were starting with us) and my parents are visiting us from abroad, so also staying with us. If I had to confess, and I do confess this to my husband sometimes when it relates to my in-laws because... I chose him, not them, and he's really good at listening and understanding. The things that drive me crazy are sometimes 'not nice'. But it is everyday life, and some days are hard, and sometimes it's those minor things that grate that last amount of energy you had left. So then you come to a social media app and confess in a dumb post, and still host your MIL and enjoy that your wife has her near. For the love of life, this dude married the daughter of this woman, his actions more than his words in a moment of frustration speak of how biased (or not) and accepting (or not) of other cultures he is. Give the man a break.
Being with a full house right now, I hear you. When my mother came to help us when my son was born, she returned to my home country earlier than expected. It was HARD. You are doing great, it's ok to feel how you're feeling, and it's great you've been able to give your wife this time with her mother which she seems to enjoy.