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Only you can determine if you’ve got a problem and if you’re powerless over alcohol.
My biggest issue was that I actually didn’t understand what it meant to be an alcoholic. I had this vision of the bum under the bridge with a bottle of whiskey wrapped in a brown paper bag. I would say, “I’m not that guy” or “I’m not as bad as that person”, but under all my denial I had a subtle sense that something was off when it came to my relationship with alcohol and what would happen when I “let my guard down” on heavy drinking nights.
It can be really difficult to stop drinking when someone else is mandating it. Clearly they see a problem, but that viewpoint isn’t shared by the drinker. I had an ex-gf tell me to get help, so I went to one AA meeting, I didn’t get it, and I drank for another 4 years. In those 4 years I totaled an Audi, ruined countless relationships, and spent a night in jail for a PI. And I can’t even estimate the thousands of dollars wasted on getting wasted.
By some miracle, I managed to find AA on my own terms about 2.5 years ago, and my life is finally headed in the right direction. We all have our own story, and sometimes we have to keep riding the elevator down to be convinced that we’re powerless (aka “we keep digging”).
Something that helped me immensely was reading the AA Big Book, specifically “The Doctor’s Opinion” and the “They Stopped In Time” stories at the end. I did a lot of damage and I know it could have been way worse, and it would only continue to get worse if I didn’t find some humility and honesty, and become open to recovery.
Prayers for you!
I think you already know the answer.
Those times I could drink with some restraint really did a number on me, too, and I’d convince myself if I just paid more attention, or only drank wine, or only drank beer, etc. I could keep things under control. What helped, though it was extremely hard to grapple at first, was that my drinking was never going to be just a casual, chill occurrence. I would either be so focused on trying to limit myself that it wasn’t enjoyable, or let go and regret it the next day. In the end, it wasn’t worth it and it was far from enjoyable.
You can get through it. I’m rooting for you 🖤
I’m rooting for you.
I stopped drinking because I realized I couldn’t predict when I’d have the night where things were “just fine” and when I’d tip over the edge. I found myself putting more mental energy than I liked into counting my drinks, trying to figure out the right thing to order that would allow me to “drink like a normal person”, or trying to figure out how everyone else knew how to stop/slow down at the right time.
I finally came to the realization that the mental gymnastics were exhausting and that there was an easier way. For me, that way was no longer drinking. There is a line in AA “we tried to find an easier softer way but we could not”. That was me x100.
I’m much happier not drinking, not that I don’t wish on many days that I could still enjoy that glass of wine or a nice bourbon. But that thought kicks off the mental gymnastics again and I don’t want to be spending all that time in my own head anymore.
I agree with the other posters here. I also gotta say, while I could fight and not drink too much it was exhausting. It took me a while but I realized I couldn’t manage my drinking and my life at the same time. I was maybe 5 months sober when I realized I’d literally cleaned up my life. I just needed to channel the energy used cleaning up/fighting the drinking into other things. Also, if it helps: no one gets sober alone- there are a ton of people to help. You might look to find a lawyers AA meeting too - I know some folks find those really helpful.
Thanks to you both. I do know the answer. It just doesn’t always make sense. I always want things to make sense. But the answer is quite clear.
I can promise that these mental gymnastics only get more exhausting. Even more, the moment I started asking myself this question, my drinking was ruined. I never enjoyed it the way I did when I was blissfully ignorant that I had a problem. (But because I had a problem, I continued to chase the ignorance bliss high for three more years.)
Deep down you know the answer, but ultimately, the decision/answer is yours to make. Only you can determine whether or not you’ve become powerless over alcohol- even 10% of the time. What I can promise you is that those who are NOT alcoholics will never know what it’s like to be an alcoholic. Your SO demanding 100% abstinence will not know your struggle. This is where members of AA will be able to relate and offer you awesome advice and guidance. Working on 9 years of sobriety now.
Not saying you need AA or that you are an alcoholic, but you asked a question...... good luck