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Devil's advocate. Do you disagree with your therapist, or are you projecting your frustration onto your therapist?
Good point. Could also be the latter. I’m oozing anger and frustration right now. Thanks for pointing this out.
Rising Star
How did your partner respond when you shared your feelings in the session?
Was there an agreement this was your “chore?” If not, maybe try something like the following when he asks if something is done. “No, I haven’t had a chance yet. Do you mind doing it?” If he refuses then I agree he is treating you like a servant. If he is just checking if something is already done before doing it himself, then I can understand the triggered comment. It’s sounds like there is just underlying resentment towards your SO which I think is coming out in your session.
All of my biggest breakthroughs started by my therapist gently pushing me to consider a new perspective/resolution. For me that’s exactly what I needed - a fresh perspective to fully accept my past and learn how to build a better future. And it wasn’t always easy - I would often leave a session more upset than I was when I first entered. But it was critical to my growth and my therapist never did anything inappropriate/abusive/manipulative (and if that’s your concern that’s a separate issue entirely and very important!). If I wanted yes men/women I would’ve just kept venting to my friends 😂
That being said, none of us were there so we can’t speak to your situation specifically. But I would consider why you’re going to therapy/what you’re looking to get out of it and if this falls in line with that overall
Not what you’re looking for but I relate to this situation a lot. Too often I feel like I have to over-regulate my emotions so that my spouse doesn’t shut down , it’s exhausting and also not reciprocated (nor required). Maybe that’s a point for another session - you accept and acknowledge that your partner was triggered by the way you reacted, and could use some guidance in working through the feeling that you are responsible both for chores and for partners emotions. It’s not productive to only focus on your partner being triggered by your reaction, and not also address the behavior that triggered your own. It’s not about your therapist taking sides, it’s helping you both better navigate / make adjustments
I see you, OP!
So I was extra frustrated he did it again when I asked him privately not to speak to me like I was his servant. The therapist said my partner was triggered because he was annoyed with me for responding that way??? It made zero sense to me and felt like he wasn’t really held accountable and instead given an excuse??? And the core problem was never addressed. So I just said to the therapist that I didn’t think it was fair to call him triggered because I feel like it made it seem like he simply reacted…and didn’t encourage him to change his behavior or take accountability for being condescending towards me. Therapist got a bit flustered and said she was not going to take my side if that’s what I expected.
Chief
She shouldn't take your side, but she also shouldn't take his side. In answering for him, that's essentially what she did. That's what you should bring up as an issue - a good mediator would ask him to respond to what you expressed as a concern before attempting to discuss what is underlying either of your views on the situation.
At the end of the day though... Therapists are still just people. Don't always expect them to really have the answer to all. I would say that logically, the best you can do is explaim how you feel. And your relationship is also separate from that, just because you are seeking help doesn't mean that now this therapist is the mesiah and all she says is the truth and should be followed. As with anything, if the disagreement is between you and your partner, try to find a way to come to an agreement. Your therapist is not wrong in saying he was triggered cause it is a fact that he was. Was he in the right to do it? That's another thing. Walk them through YOUR thoughts. Exactly what you said here about the call and and him just chilling, say that. Say that you are not a servant in your own home
I don’t agree with your therapist either if the response is as one sided as it seems. Couples counseling is about compromise. I’ve done it, and for me it just made it clear things would not work, because our therapist was good and tried to find middle ground on most topics for us and I was the only one willing to go there. It sounds like a situation where you were both upset by a situation for different reasons, and the therapist may not have done a good job at seeing both sides of the situation. The best thing to do is to explain how it made you feel, so maybe that will help the therapist better address both sides of the issue.