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OP: it's possible both are true: that you sounded unsure and unconfident to some people AND some people wrongly perceived that as inherent to your ethnicity. Non-Asians tend to mistake our politeness and courtesy with uncertainty and lack of confidence, but if you act more outwardly or stereotypically self-assured they could say you're arrogant or over-compensating.
If you get similar feedback again from a manager, I'd suggest you ask for specific examples of you coming across not confident and their suggestions for what they'd do. If they can adequately explain or give any sound advice, move on and continue to be you. I did this with a previous manager and actually got some fair advice (fwiw, I got the opposite feedback, too aggressive). At the end of the day though, I came to the conclusion that the problem wasn't because of my personality, I just didn't have patience for bullshit and in some cases it wasn't worth the effort to placate incompetent shit heads.
Ahh thank you.ii do have a one-on-one with my manager soon so I'm planning to ask for specifics then. I've actually also been told before that I was too aggressive, but at a different agency.. and now I'm too timid(?) Ugh!
I went through the same pendulum. When I was polite and deferential, I kept being pushed to speak up and "we value your opinion". When I started speaking up, I was told I was "combative" --first time in my career, escalated to HR.
I caution being gaslit and take the feedback at face value. I've worked with all kinds of foreign and local colleagues of all temperament and they've always done things their way. This includes CDs, ECDs, CCOs.
This perception, expectation, and treatment I identify with stuff women have to deal with at work.
(And my previous response got reported for a slur 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂)
What you describe sounds very much like unconscious bias since you're not fitting their mold, expectation, or world view. It will be couched as advice and to be fair, they might not be malicious at all. They might think they're trying to help you.
I've been complimented on my English or ability to speak more than one language and that person thinks it's a compliment when in fact English is my first language 'cept I have an accent. 🙄
I know an Ameeican POC who gets pressured to speak up in zoom team calls, not meetings, like casual Friday "hang outs" and the manager no doubt thinks they're encouraging participation but instead it puts the person on the spot.
When it happened to me, I took it seriously like you did. I thought I needed public speaking. I started therapy. I've never been described that way at work in a 10+ yr career in many countries.
After I left, I looked up the company on Glassdoor and see complaints or micromanagement, talking down, "restricting" creatives from likely the same person. Ultimately it's them and whatever issues they have, manifesting outward differently and we cop a colored version of it.
I think Associate Director is right. Ask for specific feedback. Ask them to give examples of what they're looking for. Ask them to suggest a colleague you can "observe". I'm sure who they suggest will be revealing.
I’m so sorry you’ve received that feedback. Whilst I haven’t received the same ones, I’m often the only person who got spoon fed on what to say at presentation rehearsals and then over-congratulated for how well I had performed. They often underestimate my communication skills due to my ethnicity.
Thank you. Did you do anything about it? If so, what did you do? How did you handle the situation?
They need to redefine what leadership and presence looks like. I got feedback I was shy in meetings. Valid feedback but also racial understones bc they took my silence as weakness vs respect.
Look, Asia, Asian countries had some of the most violent wars ever. WE ARE NOT DOCILE or INSECURE.
You got this. You should join the group Asians in Advertising! Or feel free to DM me let’s chat. You got this.
Yet.. I didn't have a presence.
But I don't get this kind of feedback from a different team I work with that happen to have other Asians and minorities on both agency and client side. What are your experiences? I'm so tired of this feedback. I don't feel unsure or unconfident at all.
Feel free to give tough love and any advice on how to come off more confident and poised. Thanx
Also, Im short but I look 17 so makes no difference when you're on zoom calls.
Aw, thanks y'all.
I never had a mentor, so this feedback means a lot. ❤️