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I've had a few exes reach out months, years later and apologize. I think they just want an ego boost tbh bc they felt lonely or something they recently went through reminded them of me. Whatever it is, it's for them to feel better about themselves.
It could be they are going through the 12 step process.
Step 8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
Step 9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
Or in Russell Brand’s words:
Step 8: Prepare to apologize to everyone for everything affected by your being so fucked up.
Step 9: Now apologize. Unless that would make things worse.
I’ve had one reach out after a few years and to be honest it made me annoyed because it seems like a selfish act. I couldn’t tell if he was truly sorry or just checking to see if I would respond and start things up with me.
He apologized and then tried to continue the conversation by making an insensitive comment about a family member. I blocked his number. People usually don’t change. It’s not worth engaging with them if they treated you poorly
I apologized once later after. Some things had happened that at a later time I was really ready to take responsibility for. It was while we were in graduate school. She seemed genuine when she said thank you for owning up - felt it was good closure. Took me time to realize I was wrong - look at myself, and own it
I had an ex reach out once. He had rediscovered some mean texts he sent me during our messy break-up. His apology was very, very genuine. He didn’t expect to get anything out of it, he just realized what a jerk he had been after a bit of distance. I accepted his apology & we haven’t talked since.
18 months post-breakup, I think? I had already moved on (I had been dating my now-husband for about a year), but I still really appreciated my ex’s apology. My ex and I were together for over 2 years & had a generally good relationship, so I never expected such a messy split. The fact that he owned up to his role in that meant a lot to me.
Yep, I’ve had this happen a number of times. Some people are better able to reflect on their role in the demise of a relationship after time has passed.
For some of them, I felt sad that the relationship couldn’t work out, but ultimately it was for the best in each case.
My instinct says to block the person but then I always think "What if they want to make amends and apologize one day and I'll never receive it" but people always tell me I cannot wait for something that may never happen.
I got one years later. He apologized and admitted he was scared/didn’t know how to love me while we were in college. He also was on drugs at the time and is sober now.
When they get isolated they get time to self reflect and in some cases roles are reversed and they may land up on the receiving end of the mistreatment.
It may not change the past but realization can be late and apologies may be genuine.
Mistreatment levels can vary. It’s up to to decide if you want to acknowledge the apology and/or forgive and give that person closure.
It helps one or both sides heal.
Forgiveness doesn’t necessarily mean continue to stay in touch.
Thank you. That makes a lot of sense and was a very helpful response.
Well actually they realize it when the girl who they cheated with - dumps them. Not worth falling for.