{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Has anyone ever successfully restored their relationship after infidelity? I almost always see a default “leave” when someone cheats. Interestingly, I grew up in an environment where cheating was and is normalised. It’s not a “leave” type of thing where I’m from. I don’t like it, but just wondering why this is regarded as a cardinal sin in western culture?", "post_id": "61abea9d3d4c98002e204f76", "reply_count": 43, "vote_count": 4, "bowl_id": "5e8656b80bdab1002a7355dc", "bowl_name": "Confession " }

Has anyone ever successfully restored their relationship after infidelity? I almost always see a default “leave” when someone cheats. Interestingly, I grew up in an environment where cheating was and is normalised. It’s not a “leave” type of thing where I’m from. I don’t like it, but just wondering why this is regarded as a cardinal sin in western culture?

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Because of the control that it gives in an Abrahamic religious context…? There’s no rational basis for it, if that’s what you’re trying to find: we draw a random line in the sand and decide that the [natural] instinct to step over it should be punished; overall though, it makes as much logical sense as not eating pigs… 🤷🏻‍♂️

There are many studies on this, both theoretical and empirical, C1. You’re never going to get an RCT but the observational, cross-cultural data sure seem to imply it. Here’s Kanazawa 1999, for one. I never said polygamy is inherently immoral. Cheating is immoral, as are other instincts some people have, such as murder, rape, theft, etc. My point is that, in many cases, we should punish people who act on their natural instincts to cross the lines in the sand that we’ve drawn as a society.

🙋🏻‍♀️ currently in the process of restoring the relationship. I recently came to know about my SO ‘cheating’ that happened a few years back, in our dating phase before our engagement. While it caused a lot of hurt and pain and emotional trauma, I have decided to stay because I did notice the changed behavior and the choices they had been making all the while to make it all work and for us to stay together. Maybe if I knew it 3yrs back I wouldn’t have stayed, but I am happy how things unfolded because I would have lost out on a great human. I used to think the same way as you about cheating being an unforgivable mistake but I have now realized that life’s not all black and white like that. Each situation, human, relationship is different and should be seen through an objective lens without our preconceived ideas.

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You are appreciated more than you know! Have an amazing week up ahead.

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Because trust is everything

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It’s a direct break of your vows. I think it says a lot about the quality of a person when they cheat while married. I could probably get over it if I was just dating someone, but once you swear to be faithful unto death, and you lie, you’re worth nothing

likefunny

This!^

I am in biglaw and I have a handful of female friends who cheated for significant periods then ultimately came clean. Still with their husbands.

likeuplifting

Gotcha. Thanks for sharing 🥰

There might be two forms of cheating: 1) Cheating driven by unhappiness in a marriage, 2) Cheating driven by being absolute trash. By the slimmest of margins, I imagine one could make a comeback from a #1. I’m all for open relationships, 3somes, orgies minus bondage, but never hit me with a #2.

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Read everything by Esther Perel

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I’d rather be physically cheated on than emotionally. That being said, I agree with the comment above about it not be black and white. If my partner wants to change and work through our issues together, I could see myself staying (but very cautiously).

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In you’re experience, how were the relationships after someone stayed in your environment?

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All I care about is what culture are you from where cheating is normalized and common. I am far more curious about that.

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It happens in literally every culture. Western culture takes action (divorce), while Asian culture for example does not in fear of what their families and friends will think

likesmart

cheated on my gf three years ago & immediately told her about it. we’re still together now. we were sophomores in college, she said she’d rather deal with it still early on in our relationship rather than later. she dealt with it as a “getting it out of his system” typa thing

It’s not a cardinal sin in Western culture. That’s a distinctly American perspective. Look up “Lust in Translation.” Not a perfect survey but covers a lot of these sorts of questions.

Nope, cut off an engagement. Never look back

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