Has anyone here been divorced (or ended a LTR) and remarried/found a life partner? What made you decide to take the plunge again / how did you convince yourself that things would be different?

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I won’t get married again but I want a life partner. I got married at 21 while closeted. I have been divorced for 5 years. For me it’s a little different. I was very passive back then and didn’t love myself enough to just say “no, I’m gay” to men, my family, to the world.

Post-divorce I want a do over in life. I needed time to find myself, be proudly out without attaching my identity to a partner. Now that I have done that work, I want to find a long term relationship in about 1 to 3 years. I probably need more therapy in the next year 😅 but I am ready to at least put myself out there.

Any good person deserves someone to love and love them back, and grow old with. It took me awhile after divorce to want to settle down but it is ok and normal to want this eventually.

What made me sure that old patterns weren’t going to happen again was the fact that I would be more willing to leave during the dating phase if someone didn’t treat me the way I deserve to be treated and if I was that way myself I would do more work in therapy to remove unhealthy behaviors.

I won’t let myself be mistreated anymore or be toxic either. If I end up needing more time alone and I catch myself being jealous or something else toxic, I’m not afraid to leave a relationship with full honesty that I am not as ready as I thought and need more self-improvement.
I’m just not afraid of the future anymore, no matter the outcome.

Lastly, I want to add: It’s also ok to not want to right after divorce, or ever. I know some who are happy being single for life too.

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Well, the reality is I have a lot I have to work through every single day due to a variety reasons, but I do try really hard to maintain stability and being grounded. So thank you for that feedback, it means a lot and means the therapy is working 🤣.

I wouldn’t want to be married again because even if I was married, I’d want separate financial accounts and I don’t plan to have a child with my future partner. We can easily write each other as next of kin or power of attorneys if ever one of us gets sick.

I live in a state that allows Domestic Partnerships (for straight or gay) and I prefer that than the pain of an actual divorce again. I don’t believe in a divorce unless it’s abuse or drugs related (which actually was the reason I filed for divorce: my ex lied about addiction and wouldn’t get clean and led to a lot of other issues), or serial cheating/one person wants monogamy and the other doesn’t.

It’s very rare someone would feel the same extremes about divorce and I just don’t want to marry anyone else that takes divorce off the table like I do, because in theory if I stop picking people with red flags none of those reasons would happen for me to even get divorced in the first place.

But divorce happens all the time for solid reasons such as financial difficulties and the couple realizes they have different lifestyles or career/monetary ambitions, chronic bed death that can’t be fixed, the chaos of having children and falling out of love, etc.

It’s such a heartbreaking process, for now I don’t ever want the courts to be involved in my personal life again on that level. And unless another person is willing to be committed at that level (which takes at least 5-7 years together to find that out), I rather have a life partner.

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