Has anyone here decided not to have kids for financial reasons? Do you regret it?

likesmart
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Honestly… so please no judgement.

Yes, we decided in our early 20s that we wouldn’t have kids as we were quite selfish, worked like crazy and enjoyed the finer things in life and feared if we had a child that we would regret them for affecting our lives.

Do we regret it? Actually we do and the pandemic has actually made us realise life is to short and work isn’t everything, we wish we had kids in our late 20s so we were much younger with them, now we feel it’s too late as we are set in our ways and routines in our early to late 30s. Now we are too worried to have kids in case we won’t be able to adjust to the shift in responsibilities…. All stupid as people do it all the time…

Maybe we need to do a hard reset, quit our jobs go travelling for a year and see what happens once our mind is out of the corporate bubble.

If any of that makes sense…although feel like this comment was irrelevant and was instead just me dumping my feelings and insecurities down anonymously lol

likehelpfulupliftingsmart

For anyone who wants an update on the list 2 weeks, after extensive discussions… we have decided to both go on a sabbatical for a year and do some travelling, my partner plans to stop her contraception and see if things just happen naturally over the next year. The good thing is because we are still technically employed, if my partner were to fall pregnant she will be entitled to maternity leave for a year paid which is also great here in the U.K.

If it’s meant to be it will happen, we can then figure out additional medical support when we come back if we so desire.

I do think now is the right time, and what better way to try than whilst travelling the world for a year.

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I was adamant that I didn’t want kids. I’m a rather frugal guy so financially that was a part of it. Main part being I come from a long line of divorces and that has made me jaded. Then I met my wife. We have two children under four and would spend my last nickel on them in a heart beat.

likeupliftinghelpful
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No kids, and I don’t regret it. Late 30s female, have eggs frozen if I want them. But 1) I hate the stereotype that children = fulfillment. It can, and that’s great, but I don’t like your children. I think they smell, they’re expensive and the mess up your bodies (which can also be costly to feel good about again). 2) it’s not the only benchmark in life 3) it’s super unselfish to recognize that you can’t give everything to someone else, and that you don’t want to.

likeupliftingsmart

SC1 - great add. Really high quality work.

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Yes. Now that we are financially secure and have a kid, yes I regret it. All a kid needs is a stable home, food, a source of stable income, and a source of stable love & care. Not all the toys and clothes they market online. We got to that point that much before we got financially secure. What we lost in the difference was time. Time with baby, energy to play and do late nights, time as a family, time as grandparents someday. Having a child is profound, and one of the most beautiful, fulfilling, amazing things in life. I thought I'd have zero or one, now that I have one I wish I was younger so I could have 3. No amount of money will bring back that lost time and opportunity.

likehelpfulfunny

I had my child at 40. I’m not as young as before but I don’t have to worry about the finances. I’m just determined to live a long healthy life!

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No. I never wanted kids. I don’t regret it at all. Love my freedom, and I am very fulfilled.

likeuplifting

Good for you, M1. Ppl should know what they want and not feel guilted into doing something they don’t want to do one way or the other.

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Between student debt, trying to save for a home in a major metro area, and having to take care of aging parents, the cost of responsibility is quite high. Part of me feels like my partner and I will never have our own life to lead, especially if we have children. Not sure about regretting it, but right now, I'm not seeing any real upside to having children. Also, as a female, I'm also not sure if I want my career to take a hit (unintentionally or otherwise).

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Those are the same circumstances I find myself in right now.

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So I am a high earner but plan to retire early and also have 2 kids so we’re living off of basically 20% of my aftertax income. A week ago we met with colleagues who make the same $ but do not have kids and enjoy working. They are living it up and really enjoying their time spending the money they work so hard for and I was honestly a bit jealous haha

likefunnyhelpful

I don't regret it at all. Plus, my fur-babies are way easier and don’t come with a college tuition. 😉

As a bonus, I've got a niece and nephew and two God-daughters if I'm feeling like I want to be maternal. Cue the cool aunt who gets to send everyone back to their parents to do the really hard and admirable stuff. Because I fully admit I'm not cut out for it.

Especially not in the crazy world we live in. I do good to manage my own well being, let alone try to give a child the kind of life and world and upbringing they deserve.

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I could love this post 100 times!

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There’s a bunch of studies on this btw which says kids will make your 20s-40s worse than no kids, but late 40s+ you on average reach a level of happiness in life that no childless person ever gets to.

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Yep. Think the latest social science version of it is empty nesting as when you cross the rubicon to “happier”, though that’s more about relative state.

Fwiw, i do miss the shenanigans of pre-fatherhood and I’m sure I’d retire earlier, but I wouldn’t change my journey as a parent for the world. I’d be curious what the study would look like with COVID generation — had a kid in a remote world?

We have 1 and not having more mostly for financial reasons. Regret it already lol.

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D6 you’re not selfish! Wtf! Having one kid is extremely valid. ❤️

-an only child who loves being an only so much I only want to have one because it’s always been great

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I have 11 kids and they’re great!

likesmart

I only have 5 and i am going insane with the constant mess. Congrats on the sanity to have 11!

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For anyone that has chosen not to have kids, I’m curious what your strategy will be for late stage medical care. I’ve unfortunately had more than my fair share of exposure to the medical community and I can tell you first hand that the quality of care goes down remarkably when you don’t have an advocate. Frankly, when you are by yourself doctors don’t seem to care if you live or die. I can’t imagine how bad it could get if you are in your 70s, 80s, etc with a serious medical condition, no kids, and your spouse pre-deceased you.

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LA1, having kids as nursery insurance sounds upper selfish!

If I’m in my 70s/80s and my biggest problem is “who will change my diapers” I will certainly look for a clear way out. Suicide sounds way better than suffering through late stage medical care.

likeuplifting

I’m still young and planning to not have kids. I’ve never wanted them. I feel absolutely nothing when I’m near babies. Don’t like talking about other people’s kids. I have cousins, nieces, and nephews that I plan to help out if I get to that level of financial stability.

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Fwiw, I thought we didn’t want kids. Unintentionally changed course, worth every moment so far (mid 30s).

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I would love to have kids but I’m older now and the legal system is too precarious for men. I don’t want to end up destitute in my golden years.

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No

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Kids aren't for everyone and the financial reasons are only one facet. Personally, i had my first when I was 28 and I wish I'd waited a bit longer to accomplish more. If you're in your 20s, I'd say enjoy your life and your significant other. If you want to have kids eventually, plan for it financially and if you do have kids you'll be financially ready. If you don't, you'll be financially better off. Win win.
It will never be "the perfect time" to have kids, in my opinion.

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At a certain point I decided i could either try to have kids (no guarantee given age) or early retire. I decided what i really want is more free time and not the responsibilities of parenting. Also i regularly represent the kids of rich lawyers/CEOs who get into trouble, and i can see the pain and even regret associated with that. It's definitely not a given that kids will add to your life. When your 35 year old kid is on his 16th stint in jail/rehab, and you've spent much of your savings on trying to get them clean, without success, there's no way they'd repeat this path if given a choice. Ultimately i KNOW i would love to retire at 50, which i couldn't do as a parent. I don't know that i would love parenthood. So no regrets yet.

likehelpful

No kids and Financials was one of many reasons why I decided not to have children. I purposely married late in life to a man who also didn't want any more kids (he already had an older child). I don't regret my decision at all. It was actually one of the smartest decisions that I ever made.

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No kids, 34yo, partner and I have HHI of $220k, 3 pups. Maybe I’ll regret it one day but don’t really feel like i will. Guess time will tell but def enjoying life w/out kids

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