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I feel like a mother f*king zombie.
JOSH NORMAN TO THE SKINS BABY
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I feel like a mother f*king zombie.
JOSH NORMAN TO THE SKINS BABY
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Rising Star
My mom lives with us Monday through Friday to watch the kids. Overall it’s amazing- she’s great with kids and obviously loves them so much. The biggest issue we’ve run into is that any difference in opinion on how to raise the kids is taken as a personal attack on how she raised me. “We don’t do time outs with the kids” turns into “are you saying I was a terrible mom and emotionally damaged you when I did time outs?!?” which is exhausting
Rising Star
This is 100% how it would be with my mom. And it’s be BAD. My MIL is amazing though and I’d love her help but I’d feel weird asking her to do stuff like I do the au pair
Why do this to grandparents. They’ve done their jobs parenting with likely far more resources than any of us. Occasional visits/stays are fine, but their dues are paid when it comes to formalizing a nanny sitch.
Rising Star
For reference my mom is a career nanny and in her early 50s (so not nearing retirement). She quit her family when my maternity leave ended and we hired her full time and pay market rate. She loves that her 9-5 is watching her grandkids and I’m completely happy to compensate her to do so
Pro
You will definitely need help but a nanny or au pair is an option too
This. My in-laws are here and though they do help they see child rearing as the moms job and defer to me all the Damn time. I make more than their son but my job is seen as inferior. It’s maddening. They prioritize the wrong things and I’m just miserable. Would much rather have an employee nanny/au pair to be able to direct work. Sadly my little has health problems so outside help during the pandemic is risky :(
Rising Star
We have an au pair.
Chief
My mom lives in the same town as us and provides ~60 hours a week of childcare for us. My husband and I have lived with her at times and she has lived with us at times, so we have a veerry easy relationship, fortunately. I would only have this type of set up with my mom as she 100% defers to my decisions with no hard feelings, and we have super open communication.
Recent post - probably need to lay out clear expectations all around, but obviously could help if you both expect to travel. Otherwise, daycare/nanny/au pair and probably outsourcing cleaning or other extra help. https://joinfishbowl.com/post_o9b386h2tm
Chief
Am also considering this! As my son moves to school age for someone to reliably help during that 3-6 window. My mom lives just far enough and is just old enough (doesn’t drive) that I’m struggling with another way.
For us, paid help was much easier than family, having done both. You can dictate how you want your kids to be cared for with nannies, or daycares set expectations upfront. My husband is a physician with crazy hours so what works for us is a live in nanny who takes care of our infant and does chores / cooking while our toddler is at daycare. Parents / parents in law are a whole other can of worms...
Rising Star
My MIL turned out to have shockingly bad judgment and a proclivity to let the child do what they want. She takes no responsibility for injuries that occurred on her watch. Various bad ideas are explained away by “she (toddler) wanted to”. Plus she gets offended at everything. None of this was really in her character or expected before. Occasional babysitting was mostly ok when our daughter was a non-mobile baby, but it turned quickly after that. Now we don’t leave the kids alone with her at all. So if you do go down this route and even if it starts out ok be prepared to have to make a change (and any hard feelings that may ensue). We have an nanny.