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I was laid off during Deloitte‘s mass layoff in July of last year. I have worked as an independent contractor since and projects haven’t been consistent at the client I’m working for. I’m looking to get back into a big firm and was seeing if anyone would be able to refer me or help get my foot in the door. I was a business analyst for 1.5 years at Deloitte and have several years of additional experience which I’d be more than happy to share.
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This is a uniquely female perspective because generally only women want to date up, men don’t generally care if the girl works at mcdonalds or whatever as income doesn’t make someone a good partner to a man.
If you’re a man. You need to re-evaluate what you need out of a relationship
D4 your exactly right and I'm only 1/4 through the comments, lol. Your statements are overwhelmingly true about women's approach to dating I do not find it sexist at all!
Nope! Female fish here making ~160k. My boyfriend makes less than half that and it has absolutely no effect on our relationship. I cannot wait to marry him - he does something he is passionate about, is absolutely incredible, and makes me the happiest and best version of myself I have ever been. I do however think it’s important to be with someone who shares a similar level of drive and motivation.
No kids but he takes our dog out for wayy more walks
I do more of the cooking, but I work less hours than my husband and get hungry by 5:30pm
The extra pay did allow me to (finally) splurge on a bi-monthly cleaning service. Truly thankful for my cleaners
Rising Star
Wow.. I never understand this culture. There is a lot of other weight to be pulled, carried and dragged other than just expenses. And more importantly, you should find someone who makes you happy and you can make her happy. Money will drill a hole in your love life if you ever have one with this mentality
All I have to say is good luck in the dating world and transitioning to marriage. Compensation does not equate to life long relationship.
EYP-1 nailed it.
You can't expect that in marriage. Hell you may end up in a scenario where one of you works but both still do house chores equally. Or one earns less but has significant amount of debt.
It sounds strange but sooner or later you get to come to terms with it.
Chief
Im consulting making less than 80k.
OP Data Scientist. I think you have a skewed view of salaries. Not every consulting position is the same. Just saying you can swing 120 is not realistic or helpful for the majority of folks in consulting. I bet a significant percentage of consultants, especially those starting out like comment OP, are making in the 80k range.
My spouse and I are building a custom home … the biggest eye opener for me was that that our HVAC contractor (HS dropout, no degrees, grew up dirt poor) has a 15k sqft. home, plane, and a place in the Caribbean.
NEVER underestimate the blue collar workers and those that didn’t pay the machine its 6 figures to get a piece of paper.
Pro
Does he own the company?
I was a teacher making around $40K before I earned an MBA and went into consulting. Now, over a decade later, I make almost double what my (successful) spouse makes… good thing he didn’t have this rule when we were first dating.
I make over 200k a year. My partner makes 65k. As long as my partner has a job I couldn’t care less. It’s a team effort. It’s our money. Doesn’t matter that I make significantly more.
If you don't mind me asking, how old are you OP, and what stage of relationship are your asking about?
I found that having similar income and spending habits matters a lot when you are young. You want to travel a lot or want to splurge in Vegas, can't always do things the way you like if folks in your circle can't afford it. This can get annoying often or cause resentment.
But once you are older and established with a nest egg, home and family, it's really our money so we make choices together. We go on vacation. We go out to eat. We buy a TV. We see what our budget can manage. At that point is so much more about the day to day, spending time together, enjoying each other's company, feeling loved and supported. The material things cease to be as important as the intangible blessings.
Chief
It hasn’t. Still the same expectations that they need to be able to take care of themselves, and spend and save within their means. That being said, if I’m picking up the tab most of the time, I’d hope that they would help out with more of the non financial things/taking on mental workload (doing a bit more of the housework, helping plan trips, etc)
Chief
Oh, for sure they do. And that’s why it’s not a requirement they do more, but just a note that it would be nice if they could. Regardless of income and schedule, there just needs to be open communication and a shared understanding of where you are financially/values-wise/etc.
Yes also in this dilemma. Worked really hard to get here because I wanted the finer things in life, but if I date down, I’ll have to downgrade my lifestyle back.
I’ll be around 250k and my wife makes 50k tops. You love the person for the person, who they are and if they bring out the best of you.
I couldnt care less what she makes, she makes me happy and supports me without question, we hype each other up and laugh together. That’s worth more than any paycheck, when your older I guess goals change, material things are great and we have plenty of them including multiple properties and sports cars, but at the end of the day none of it matters when your happy with that person.
You will be miserable if you solely judge potential partners or “screen them” based on their CV, that personally, seems legit soulless
Absolutely not, I would be thrilled to date a passionate teacher that loves his job. Whereas I tend to be turned off by finance bros. However, the teacher would have to live within his means and be responsible with money.
Pro
Totally agree. My husband is in finance, but thank goodness he doesn’t act like it. Sometimes his work functions are unbearable listening to these guys talk. Several (not all) of them don’t seem to respect women all that much, are arrogant, and think their salary makes them better than others. They do get women, but usually women after the wrong things.
Please note this is a generalization, does not apply to everyone, and skews towards the younger finance bros.
Rising Star
OP, I wouldn’t say consulting has raised my expectations. Instead it comes down to lifestyle preferences and the environment I was raised in where a certain level of success is expected.
Personally it made me adjust my expectations a lot. I started screening for certain colleges/degrees/career paths and suddenly the quality of dating skyrocketed. I’m happy to have found someone with the same career ambitions to fuel the same life goals, but I’m watching friends date people in dead end low paying gigs and am worried for them
Pro
MC1, how were the rich men dead weight? Can you elaborate? Very curious here.
This is a bit outdated but there’s an old Bloomberg article on this
“High-earning women (doctors, lawyers) tend to pair up with their economic equals, while middle- and lower-tier women often marry up. In other words, female CEOs tend to marry other CEOs; male CEOs are OK marrying their secretaries.”
https://www.bloomberg.com/graphics/2016-who-marries-whom/
Yes and no. It’s not a specific dollar amount but wanting lifestyle compatibility and long term goals. I have specific life goals (early retirement) and enjoy things my income allows me to do like book a trip overseas last minute. I wasn’t screening for income directly when looking for my gf - she actually makes WAY more than me (big law senior attorney) and always will. She said she didn’t make her income the benchmark for dating (it’d be like 5 lesbians in all of Chicago haha) but was also looking in the realm of ambitious professionals who similarly wanted to retire early/settle down/financial freedom.
Do they have to make exactly the same as me no. However, I recognize that my current station in life is the hard work of the 2 previous generations of my family that literally nothing but pushed beyond to get me here. I want to continue to give the next generation better opportunities than I did and the reality in the US is that it requires money so I would "ideally" want my partner to make somewhat similar money to me
I like this discussion!
As an older woman who makes $200K+ how do you ensure the man is ambitious if he makes less than you? I know there are some obvious answers but I’m extremely curious here.
I want to ensure we both want to live the same kind of life.
Thank you D4, Happy Holidays to you too
No - money after a certain point to me seems kind of meaningless. I feel that I have enough for the quality of life I’d like.
The “they would never catch up” mentality is something I don’t understand. Unless you marry them, why does it matter.
And even if you married them, it becomes a partnership. Your partner may bring other intangible values or support that’s hard to measure by pure monetary means.
If I marry someone - that person has decided to commit their life to me (in theory) and I to them. I don’t think their income nor my income should be the reason I date someone.
But in an ideal world, I’d love to be a stay home dad.