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Have you dated a man with a child? What are healthy boundaries between your S/O and the mother of his baby? I want to be understanding but a part of me knows that there will always be something “more”

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I mean at that point it is a business type of a relationship. You are connected through kids. It is not romantic. I deal with my ex the same way I deal with work or dr appointments - you go, you do whatever it is you need to do because of the kids, you live your life and they live theirs. Honestly and I’m not trying to be rude, but I don’t think you’re quite mature for it based on your post. Mentioning she was his first? What are we in high school?

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Just because you and I do not make a big deal out of our “first” does not make it the case for everyone. It’s probably wise to not make rude assumptions of people based off of 3 general sentences. 😐

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If that’s your perspective, I’d abstain. I already struggle being with someone who was married before me... let alone someone that has to interact with his ex on a constant basis. Not to mention how the child will impact my life. Unless he makes you feel at ease about it, it seems this will cause more trouble than it’s worth!

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OP if you’re getting a sense that there’s something “more” between them then don’t do it. I dated a guy for three years who had a kid and I never once had a feeling that there was something between him and his ex. I mean, she was the devil, and I honestly wished that they had a better relationship because of how hard it made the kids life, my ex’s life, and my life by extension. I grew up in a blended family (half bro from mom, half sis from dad, sis and I from mom and dad) and I saw a great example of how divorced parents co-parent (mom and bro’s dad) and a very poor example of co-parenting (dad and sis’ mom). Unfortunately, you can’t control how the other parent is. You always hope that they’re a reasonable person and will put the child first, and figure out how to get along with their ex for that reason. But if you think there’s something more, just get out of there. Being with someone who has a kid isn’t easy, but a difficult relationship with baby mama/daddy is never going to make it easier and can make life a living hell. You decide what you want to put up with

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Thank you for your insight

So i had (read into had) a man who said he wouldn’t date a woman who had a child. Little did he know that I’m a teenage mother baby. I couldn’t get over it. On one hand I wanted a man who understood the struggle and on the other hand I get why he didn’t. Go with the flow. The right man gets it. 😊

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My SO has a child with an older woman. She lied to him about being on the birth control pill and kept the child. She tried pressuring my SO who was 22 at the time to stay with her (32). My SO despises how it went down. He doesn’t talk to the child or the woman. However he checks on the child through private investigators making sure he’s safe. He doesn’t communicate with them because she’s a lot of drama and he doesn’t want to risk his safety. He does pay child support. She actually found my Instagram a while ago and left so many evil comments. We had to threaten her with a restraining order. I almost left my SO. However, we talked about it. We knew we cared for each other. He has been the best SO ever and We should miss out on a great relationship because of what happened in the past. I also had a very long and candid phone call with her. If it’s worth it then invest in it. If not, then walk away. It’s up to you. :)

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OP- I would sit down and set boundaries. Communication is definitely key. Be honest and upfront. Share your feelings or you’ll have resentment. Work together as a couple to find what works. It’s going to be a trial but if you want it, you’ll find a way.

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+ she was “his first”.

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