Have you ever been one of the mean girls? The one that makes fun of the “older” woman at work? The one that purposely puts down the prettiest girl at work or “forgets”
to invite them to a meeting? Ctd

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I don’t think the mean girls think they’re mean girls. Really. I think everyone is making their way, doing the best they can in the way that they think they can overcome the obstacles in front of them. Those on the receiving end of the shitty behavior think there is a mean girl, front and center...but those girls/women are just deploying whatever tactics they need to to accomplish their objectives, big or small. No one goes to bed at night and thinks “I was an asshole today, let’s do it again tomorrow.” They think, “I fought my fight/did what I had to do/I’m misunderstood/etc...”. It’s all the perspective from which you view it.

And don’t read this and think I’m a mean girl who is justifying behavior. I have been on the receiving end of cruel women more times than I can remember. People are complicated. That’s my truth.

likesmart

Yikes that just gave me chills

Yes at an agency. It’s always the EA’s in my opinion. They love the idea of their proximity to power but don’t really have any, so use the gap to exploit others.
I felt good being in this woman’s aura. It was instant access to popularity, plus I was new to the city. I ignored my gut when she’d say mean things about others, or share gossip, or call other people on the office “a literal psycho” behind their backs. Then one day, I heard her bitching to another EA about my clothes and makeup(!). I realized then she was the epitome of two faced. Sunny on the outside, but damaged inside and needed to hurt others to feel good. Eventually she dropped me and hooked onto the new cool girls who were upcoming creative stars (adjacent to power, again). It taught me a lot about trusting your gut, about remembering that kindness & compassion needs to be practiced and that sadly, the mean girls behavioral pattern of high school still repeats in the workplace, 15 yrs later. I don’t miss her.

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Snubbed the smartest girl’s ideas? Why have you acted the way you have? I’m asking because watching your politics I am genuinely curious if you’ve ever changed your ways, felt bad, self-corrected but mainly why you acted like that in the first place? Do spill all and enlighten me.... after all advertising is mainly psychology

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I’d like to hear from them. I genuinely wonder how aware they are of their own behavior. I think a lot of people skip right past self reflection and go straight to what they view as valid justification.

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No. Especially as a WOC, I’m not afforded the leisure to be a mean girl (and I wouldn’t want to be either). Being one of the few WOC at my agency, I’ve found myself trying to avoid being a target myself and trying to help and mentor others. Plus, I’ve found the mean girls tend to be the most insecure in their abilities , hence their need to bully or intimidate others.

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Hear hear! Here here too. As a WOC it’s bad. No luxuries afforded. You make 1/10 of a mistake and you are 10x more reprimanded. Love it.

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I was - when I first got out of college. It did nothing for me except make me popular with other mean girls and make me embarrassed and sad today.

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Not at all.

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I have been targeted throughout my career and seen direct reports targeted by other direct reports. Three verbatim reasons I have heard (or saw through direct actions/comments when confronted) are: 1. I assumed you were the pretty girl who always got whatever she wanted so I decided I needed to put you in your place. 2. She is smarter than me so I need to make sure everyone knows she’s weird so she can’t get ahead of me. 3. If someone is helpful and offers to give support, or is nice to their co-workers, I know they are just faking it, so I am going to get them before they get me.

I have seen all three play out multiple times, and in each case, the perpetrator always feels justified because whatever they are doing is just part of playing the game to get ahead. Usually it only just keeps them afloat because their own insecurity/incompetence eventually gets in the way. I have seen some people (men and women) sadly work it to their advantage though and actually do very well.

likeuplifting

I was as a teenager 😂such a cliche but it was totally from a place of insecurity. I used to be very unpopular/ even bullied before before and when I finally got attention, I used the power dynamics to make myself feel better / boost myself up. I’ve matured since then and absolutely despite people like this Nd avoid them with a 10 foot pole (in work and life). I think if it’s in your personality - or you were around a culture where this is the norm (sorority circles, other very feminine -based cultures where women are catty), you’re not doing it for a reason at this point. It’s more of a mindset of seeing others as your competition who you have to bring down in sly ways.

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I don’t know if it aided me socially. I bet being nice would have helped a lot more. I think the kinds of things kids valued at that time (cool clothes, looking cute as a girl), you could have been nice or mean and still at the top of the social ladder.

I’m friends with a few “mean girls” - I do so with the purpose of having a positive impact in their lives. Make them feel loved and valued. So they can change their ways and stop being bullies.

Here’s what I observed through these friendships. They are very fragile and insecure women who have had all types of issues in childhood: not felt loved by their parents, usually. They’re always trying to prove themselves to fill that void.

They feel like shit and the only way for them to feel less shitty is to see others have shittier lives than them. (Until they mature.)

I’ve fortunately had the privilege of feeling loved in my childhood, and nothing can break me because of that foundation. I use this privilege to help others rebuild that foundation. It’s hit or miss. But often it’s really rewarding relationships because they’re very interesting and complex women who just feel misunderstood. And helping them feel safe around you and understood, seen, can help unblock some things and change how they behave around others.

likehelpful

I appreciate you for showing them love. I hope you help them be more aware / hold them accountable for the impact they are having. This is trauma. Just like they have experienced. They shouldn’t be perpetuating it. Also, controversial I know, but there comes a point in our adult lives where we have to deal with our childhood trauma and stop using our childhood trauma as an excuse to traumatize other people! I can relate so I hope this is not seen as an attack on your friends. They are lucky to have you.

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I just want to know: Why? Did it serve your career ? Eventually not? What were the benefits? Consequences? Were more men / decision makers “attracted” to you/your energy? Did your drama cause you to get noticed more? Promoted more? Praised more as you stole credit? Did you feel sexier, more powerful, bolder, more in control? Did it ever come crashing down on you or do you continue to succeed, excel, rise? Do you have daddy issues/history or sexual abuse or no? Help me understand. Open to all honest answers. Thank you!!

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I used to be one but soon after I got into the industry I realized how small it is and worked to change my behavior. It honestly just stemmed from insecurity. If another girl felt like competition I’d lash out through social exclusion or avoiding them. I’d justify it by telling myself they didn’t like me either, which was true in some cases but not always. I now realize it was just a bad byproduct of my natural competitiveness.

Now when I feel the urge I actively try to talk to them or find a point of connection. It’s made a HUGE difference.

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God, OP, please DM me if you’re interested in discussing with a human woman further! I seriously feel like we as a society have the expectation that among women, bullying is limited to school and when we enter the workplace, we morph into these wonderful, supportive creatures. I was shocked to experience bullying this year, and even heard after everything was in hand, that female coworkers had joked about creating a campaign against me. I spoke with my colleagues in an open minded and friendly way and still don’t know what the fuck happened or who to believe, but I came away with a give-fewer-fucks attitude and self respect for possibly being seen as competition worthy of being put down...but most of all, the fewer-fucks thing and shock that the bullies fucking didn’t stop after high school. This is a cutthroat world. 🤦🏻‍♀️

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I wonder if Karma exists. Being a Hindu I truly wonder....

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Also been a target of this behavior.. eventually became friends with the “mean girl” and realized she did have some of the trauma you mentioned above. I’m glad I toughed it out to be friends with her but I genuinely think she has a good heart and regrets the times she’s acted out in those ways.

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This is a really interesting question. I agree with the above comment that most people subconsciously justify it to themselves in some way and aren’t intentionally evil.

I’ve always considered myself someone who sticks up for outsiders or marginalized people. But looking back I’ve definitely steamrolled people that were getting in my way in my career. I’m sure in some of those instances I was viewed as a mean girl.

I think there are definitely the true “mean girl” types who use a certain form of social power/manipulation to destroy people around them and then there are other people who are just focused on themselves and getting ahead and if called out on how they’re being perceived would feel embarrassed and bad. The difference between the two in my head is for the real “mean girls” the point is making people feel small and themselves feel big. That’s where they derive their feelings of power and pleasure. There is no higher goal.

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It’s a defense mechanism. It’s how they keep others right where they want them so they protect whatever they are insecure about...which is everything. The people they tease, that’s their biggest fear—be it unattractive, boring, overweight whatever it is.

I was very popular in highschool. I was the captain of the varsity cheerleading squad, my friends were smart and homecoming queens. I saw the popular kids do terrible things to people. I remember riding to the store to get alcohol for a party with “the hottest guy in school”. He was a dick. I watched him torment guys in school. And as we chatted, I realized then he had just as many insecurities as I did.

I say all that to say some people express their insecurities in different ways. It’s not right by any means, but that’s how I learned to not internalize the actions of those people. It has nothing to do with you.

Also find support. Don’t. Let. Them. Win.

And some people are mean because of circumstances at home and their environments. I refuse to put this all on just that. Yes it is deeply rooted in our society from start to finish, but there are so many other factors we forget about it.

There are things we can do as human beings to heal the issues the world puts on us. I refuse to live as a victim any longer.

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