Have you ever felt so tired? With work, interviewing, and working out? And feeling like your life when you have school and work is better than your life now while working and seeing if you can find another job? I am not sure if I am just bad at this whole thing, or if I am just not great at coding under scrutiny, or if I am just a horrible engineer.

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The whole thing where some people are pretending like any of this is “normal life” is absurd. We are all being pushed to, and beyond, our limits. It’s been going on for a year. It is a marathon with an unknown end. I would wager you’re doing the best you can given the realities of your life, and I know that feels awful because you’ve been able to do more before, but it doesn’t mean you’re bad at any of this, just that you’re doing it all on super-hard mode right now.

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Thank you. Sometimes I wonder if I am doing my best. It feels like everything is just never good enough.

sometimes i feel like i'm failing everyone. like i can't be a good wife/friend/daughter/employee/manager/student/mentor to everyone. i accepted it. i can't be what everyone needs me to be. i have to consciously define who i want to be and pick and choose the most important things to me. you can't be everywhere and do everything. there will be places you will never go to, foods you have never tried, world wonders you will never see. you have to come to terms with this. i realized this actually when i was staring at the wall of canned tomatoes in the grocery store. there were at least 10 different brands, 8 of which i have never heard of. i realized i could probably go a whole lifetime without trying all the canned tomatoes in the store, and that i've been buying the same 2 brands for the last 10+ years. so stop trying to reach these ridiculous expectations. you don't need to be a perfect woman, that's bullshit. that's why you are tired. you should focus on what is important to you and conserve your energy for what matters.

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I think, I am more risk averse than you. I wouldn’t quit the current job without something else in hand...

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For me it started to get really challenging since around Christmas. While being stuck at home so many many changes are taking place around me which affect me too. And so many around me. Sometimes it feels like the whole world is being re-arranged while watching with open eyes!

To stay focused, be effective and to be creative without getting inspiration from the outside is really hard. For so many of us.

This is the time where one needs to feel empathy for one self instead of beating oneself up about not feeling like a superstar right now.

Just stick to your path you laid out for yourself. And when you notice you are starting to get frustrated because you just don't seem to get it - that is the time where you pull yourself out of it, take a break and go for a walk practicing being in the present. And then you start again.

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Thank you. Good idea about going out for a walk.

I feel the same most times but managing till I can. Don’t let it impact my time with family or I set expectations when I can’t. Cherish these moments with family as struggle is a part of life and what makes us a better person.

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It does make me wonder what it is that’s important to me in the end. Thank you.

Let’s just accept it that most of us are not in our ideal roles or in ideal position in life. We are doing this to ourselves. Just save as much as you can and be free and do what you truly want when you have saved enough

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Yeah, that is the dream...

Not sure what you mean with the school and work part, but otherwise absolutely. I'm SO TIRED constantly and I also wonder if maybe I'm just bad at life, like how is everyone else able to function after work without like immediately crashing into half asleep zombie mode. One thing that does help me is my boyfriend reminding me that while I might feel like I accomplished nothing because all I did was like work and work out and cook dinner or something, all of those things are valid and most people aren't expecting themselves to do a million personal projects at once and and and... at like perfect quality. Doesn't really help with the running out of energy at like 6 pm part, but does help me feel less like I'm a failure at what I'm "supposed" to accomplish in a day.

Yeah. I hear you. It’s the same here. I am really tired right now, and I wish I could sleep for a week straight and not have to worry about things...

The philosophy by companies today is to push more and more work until you scream or drop. They do not care about your personal health or how many hours you work. The talk about work/life balance which is double-speak for your problem not ours. Learn from me, been there done that, they will work you till you are burned out to a crisp. Go look for another job, dont wait to be promoted or get a raise. Get out while you can, dont hang on promises. Coming from a woman with 45 years in tech, before it was cool to be in STEM.

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Senior Backend Engineer @ Better
Full-time, On-site (New York)/New York, NY
$150k - $220k
5+ years of experience in coding in at least one of these: Python, Golang, C++, Node.js
3+ years of experience contributing to the architecture and design of new and existing systems (architecture, design patterns, reliability, and scaling)
Familiar with Git, Docker, CI/CD, unit testing, agile development. Proficient in Golang and AWS services.

DM FOR DIRECT REFERRAL

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