Have you ever had a client not understand the difference between investments like mutual funds and IRAs? They seem to think they are entirely different. If you've run into this, how do you answer?

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I say a few fancy words to confuse them.... Then they just think, he looks dumb and fat, but he's obviously smart enough to know what he's talking about, but he's still fat. Then I open up their IRA to contribute the $1000 their bean counting, soup eating cocksucker that prepares their taxes said to do. I ask them if he's got a website where he talks into the camera wearing a tee shirt and a suit coat? Because I know that douchebag if it's the same guy.

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Had this conversation this morning with a client. This is going to sound really stupid, but they get it. I tell them that their IRA account is nothing more than a shell. Like one of those plastic Easter eggs that come in two parts. You can put whatever you want inside the egg. Candy, gum, money. Whatever you want. Same thing with an IRA. It's just a shell of an account that helps us save money for a specific goal down the road. Just like with the Easter eggs, you can put almost anything you want into it. Cash, stocks, bonds, funds. Like I said, it's stupid, but they get it. If I were some dumb Jones FA I'd have an Easter egg like that in my desk drawer to pull out and show them while I'm explaining. And I'd have a bag of mini chocolate bars in my desk and I'd put one in then give it to the confused client.

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I draw a circle, label it IRA. Then inside the circle I write ""MFs"" ""CDs"" ""Stocks"" ""Savings"" etc.. and arrows rotating around them, and I explain that while the money is inside the circle, we can always transfer between the different types of options... but that we have to stay inside the shelter. Then i draw a monster outside the circle, give it a tophat, and label it IRS. I tell people that while most people run into the shelter to get away from the monster, if they do that then the monster will be waiting for them when they come out the back door. I also tell people that if they put up a fight against the monster and beat it up a bit before they run into the house, that the monster won't be able to wait too long because it's injured. Even though the client will be a bit bruised up, if they stay in the house long enough eventually the monster will have to go to the hospital and they can get out of the house safely. This only works with certain clients obviously. I've found that the older the client is, the more they like the metaphor. With my less-fun clients (usually the same people who tell me they're busy all the time) I just write ""Tax"" and ""no tax"" on different parts of the circle, with an arrow going in and an arrow going out of it.

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@Vice President Yeah, I have a low tolerance for stupid CPA's, too

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