{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "Have you ever worked with a partner that points out every error you make (regardless if it’s nothing or a bigger error) but never points out anything good you do or says thank you? How do you not let it slowly chip away at your confidence and self-worth? I try to let it roll off my back, but it does ultimately affect me and my enjoyment of my job.", "post_id": "5fab19f5f19828001ad6a953", "reply_count": 8, "vote_count": 4, "bowl_id": "5df70ed2f7169f002b172d3f", "bowl_name": "Big Law" }

Have you ever worked with a partner that points out every error you make (regardless if it’s nothing or a bigger error) but never points out anything good you do or says thank you? How do you not let it slowly chip away at your confidence and self-worth? I try to let it roll off my back, but it does ultimately affect me and my enjoyment of my job.

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Joking about it with your colleagues who probably are experiencing the same thing

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Yes. Occasionally, I got a crumb of approval, but mostly I got shredded. Plus, once that partner had decided I had a habit of doing something wrong (e.g., not being communicative enough), there was nothing I could do to change that perception. And after three years, it wrecked my confidence and motivation. It took going to a different firm and starting to receive praise for my work for me to finally start feeling like I wasn’t a screw-up.

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Thank you for this advice!

Yes. Every day. Scotch and a great wife take care of it usually. But in all seriousness you have to let it roll off your back. Most of the time the negativity is shrouded in good tips that make me work smarter not harder. Also I try hard to just not take it personally. Easier said than done of course.

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I had a senior associate/ young partner like this. I dealt with it by keeping a folder of happy things/ good feedback that I would read through whenever I got down about bad feedback. Some of the emails were nothing more than "thanks - very helpful" but they made me feel better. I also didn't respond to his emails when they became passive aggressive/snarky. He got more positive/ supportive as he became more comfortable as a partner and we have a pretty close relationship now. I also make fewer mistakes after working with him for so long.

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Yes, and I worked there for four years. I didn't realize how profoundly it had affected me until I worked for someone who supported me instead. You don't have to live with it - look for another source of work or even another firm. It's life-changing.

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Are you me? I’m becoming a shell of a human so...therapy and beginning to stand up for myself. Also leaving my job come next year. Good luck and get off that matter with that partner!

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