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Additional Posts in The Work-Life Bowl
I want to quit so f’ing bad
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Pro
Um, yes
ItS bIoLoGy
No it’s not. Plenty of men learn how to control themselves in polite society. If you’re saying you are incapable of conducting yourself in a professional manner because you find someone attractive, then that sounds like a YOU problem
Chief
Abusive men are experts at getting everyone they’re not attacking to like them. So on top of no one believing women, we have to tread through their made up, nice guy facade.
This is getting so complicated.
Enthusiast
It’s crazy that even when several women report the same experiences with a man, they still aren’t believed.
Despite how wonderful your SO may be to YOU, that does not make them incapable of being awful to other women. Harassment is absolutely a dealbreaker for me.
Yeah the fact he had multiple complaints is proof enough. As a women, I think all of us would rather do anything else than report someone to HR, so the fact he had all these women report him means it was unbearable. Absolutely leave him.
Rising Star
In any relationship I think that you have to at least be able to sit down with an open mind and hear both sides of the story. I have seen people gang up on one person to try to make trouble for them in office settings. Or maybe it is true but either way I love my SO and I would certainly be willing to hear what they have to say before I pass judgment. My SO’s word is always going to be carry more weight with me than a strangers
Hey Deloitte. What do you mean “shows my bias”. What am I biased against?
It’s happened to my sister. Again and again. He’s lost three jobs in 4 years. She gets angry at his “stupidity” at first, then makes excuses. The image of an intact family is more important than anything else. She came to me saying “he was raised like that.” My response was “but you weren’t.”
After the last time he came to me *again about helping him get hired at the firm. I flat out told him that I’m not damaging my brand by recommending him for anything. He never told her.
I’m so sorry. Sometimes people suck and the ones we love can’t see it fast enough.
I think some people are so easily offended these days that it’s quite possible they’re misinterpreting things. I get there are predators out there but there are also a lot of people who make mountains out of mole hills too. I’m not easily offended and tbh if someone were to try to harass me, it would be dealt with on the spot. I DGAF if you’re a partner or not. I have zero tolerance for that crap and I’m not some meek person. I certainly would not wait to go scurrying off to HR to handle it. I’d make a scene and embarrass the shit out of offender. There’d be no doubt left in anyone’s mind if there was harassment.
Men have to be careful, but so do women. Have rules you follow and apply them equally. When traveling I dont work after hours in the office with one person. Gender doesn't matter.. If we have to get stuff done we can just as easily sit in the hotel lobby, in public. I dont sit in windowless offices with the door closed meeting with one person. We can always meet somewhere else. I avoid working with women who flirt with me, and avoid working with men who flirt at the office. Yes, I cut the women more slack on this one, they mught have an undisclosed relationship. Any potential concern raised to me I offer to report. If its more then "potential" I report. My wife knows the name of any women I work with directly.
I have more but I think you get the idea.
Rising Star
I’m surprised he even knew. Telling people why they are fired is a tricky thing. I would never tell someone they are being fired for sexual harassment for fear of reprisal against the victim.
@Chair and MP I think you’re coming from a good place but I think it’s absolutely the wrong approach. The person being fired needs to know why and needs to know that their actions had consequences that lost them their job. And if they do it again they can expect the same of worse.
1 MIGHT be a misunderstanding, 2...maaaaaybe, but several...?? Lol nah, homie keep your harasser shit out of my life and its adjacencies, thank you very much.
additionally, I'm pretty confident the company wouldn't have terminated him without first confronting him in the past about the first few of the "several women's" reports. If one or multiple HR interventions already happened prior to the firing, why didn't he tell his SO about those instances when they happened? Why is she hearing about this whole ordeal AFTER the ultimate form of discplinary action? Was he hiding something? Why?
I completely believe the victims in this situation, they’re undoubtedly an abuser, but I can’t even imagine how the wife must feel. I would just do my best to be supportive OP, she may either be in a guilty denial or may have to face a sudden impending divorce. I can’t imagine how awful this must feel.
Associate 2 I’m so sorry that happened to you, that’s terrible. I’m certain such an incredible lady has probably already found an amazing new partner whose loving and supportive and recognizes how wonderful she is!
Rising Star
I’d need to know what exactly happened and what his role was. My SO was investigated for allegations of a sexual nature but wasn’t fired. When he told me he was being investigated, it seemed so unreal to me because I know him and he’s just not a predator. I didn’t know what to think because as a woman, I know it happens. I went with the factual route. Turned out he was present in the room when a subjective comment was made by someone else and he didn’t say anything as the leader of the team. Another occasion he used a term that he legit thought was harmless but isn’t (we had discussed it many times prior). It wasn’t a dealbreaker because he didn’t actually sexually harass anyone. I did side with the company in their actions and explained why they were right to investigate. Being fired I’m thinking is deal breaker level if he did it. Harassing people at work of all places with a whole wife at home? Nope.
Rising Star
Right but I know his personality and the type of behaviors he has exhibited. After the amount of time we’ve known each other I trust my own character assessment.
That’s so tough. I honestly don’t know. I guess if he recognized it was wrong and sought professional help, maybe I would stay. I don’t envy her. It’s not a black and white scenario for sure.
Rising Star
If he’s harassing women at work, I worry about how he treats the wife.
He’d get a good beating and sign me away all of his assets. We’d part ways and live happily ever after 😂
Chief
Amen!
I’d need proof. An allegation is not enough imo. Too many firms nowadays having knee jerk reactions. If he’s been accused, he has a right to know who his accusers are. His livelihood & rep are being ruined if not true. He said she said is not enough to fire someone. Eff that.
Rising Star
D3: That is completely untrue.
Chief
Really small chance all the women were lying...which leads me to think this guy puts on a great facade or gaslights his spouse...
Leave him.
First figure out if it’s true. Then it’s pretty obvious what to do from there.
Clearly he doesn't think he's in the wrong, otherwise he would have made up a different reason why he was fired. That is the real issue here.
I've worked for a male Sr. Director for eight years. Direct report team is ~10 people, 80% female. SD has endured four harassment accusations. Every time, from women who were given subpar performance reviews. He's still here as accusations held no weight. Tarnishes the majority of claims that are true.
Yes it's occurred to me. Except a) the calls 4 of the women called he made the advances on were attended by others who didn't interpret the claims as advances and b) one claimed inappropriate emails over work email which were never found nor produced by her.
How much dough does he have?
I want a new house if I'm gonna put up with it
And that’s why you always get a prenup