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i feel like I bombed my observation :((((
so apparently now people work second shifts....
Rising Star
Bowl Leader
i feel like I bombed my observation :((((
so apparently now people work second shifts....
Only you can judge your feelings but it doesn’t sound dangerous to watch adults play soccer.
This does not seem dangerous at all IMO. They’re pretty substantially away from the other people on the field and dad is right there if a ball came flying. I would reflect on why this was so triggering for you. It sounds like you don’t trust his judgement or ability to protect your child. Only you have enough context to determine whether 1. that’s true or 2 that’s founded in some way. It’s definitely worth discussing with your therapist!
I’m sure your son was having a blast playing with the big guys! Good on your husband.
You asked your husband to spend time with your son. He does. You then freak out on him for the activity he chooses. He is also a parent and is invested in the safety of your child. So not only are you showing signs that you do not trust your husband with your child, or perhaps your husband at all - but now you have completely discouraged him from wanting to do the one thing you asked him to out of pure terror that you will freak out on him again.
Are you a type A personality? I know I’m a control freak, especially when it comes to my family. It’s hard to let go and it can create anxiety. But when I take the time to communicate to my husband what my worries are and why I believe they’re valid, most of the time he just wants to know that I trust him and need him to hear me.
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It looks like there’s 2 separate fields. Meaning, games could be played on both fields at the same time with low probability of balls flying into the wrong game. Even if a ball did fly towards your toddler, the odds of it flying directly into his head with enough force to harm him are pretty low. Someone would have to be like aiming for his head for that to happen.
My guess is something else is making you feel this way, because this looks pretty safe. Did you struggle with PPA at all? I did, and stuff like this would set me off really badly for a while. Like, I would have been convinced my daughter was going to come home with permanent brain damage.
This is such a helpful post. My mother suffered from PPA but did not believe in therapy, and it does sound like your perception may be similar to what she experienced (I know from family lore, of course, not personal recollection). I agree that this is something to check out. Good luck in your journey and kudos on asking the question and truly listening to the responses. Your kid is in good hands!
Thanks everyone for offering your insight. It really helped me to realize that I was in the wrong. Yesterday I strongly felt as if my child was in imminent danger. I also did suffer from anxiety post partum and also had a relative that had a significant head injury and never recovered.
I’m sorry you’re dealing with anxiety. This happened to me post partum too and I would often panic and think my child was in danger. You’re not alone. Would be good to talk to your doctor.
Looks safe enough to me, assuming that the action is as far away as it seems in the picture. But, I would be upset if I had a gut feeling that something was not safe for our kids and my husband dismissed my concerns.
We took our kids (toddler included) to a local field recently and judging from the pic you shared it was exactly the same setup. The fields are pretty big and there was plenty of space to play in the corner and not interfere with the game. You would definitely see something coming with lots of notice, and even on the off chance that your child got hit with a ball, it’s life! You’re never going to prevent 100% of injuries and it’s better for your child and your husband to work through those things if they happen. It would probably reinforce their bond as well that dad is there to take care of him.
Also, you asked your husband to spend time with him. You will need to practice letting him do things his way. You can’t micromanage him being a dad as well as you being a mom. Of course on big things like discipline philosophy or health decisions or education etc. you discuss and decide together but, you can’t ask him to do something and then put a ton of parameters and controls around it - it really discourages him being involved any further. Trust me, you want him involved and parenting and if it means doing things differently sometimes that is ok. Safety does not appear to be an issue in this case. Take care.
I personally wouldn’t want my toddler to play there but I know people have different views. Your husband probably felt it was safe so if you are concerned, I’d just tell him not to take your son there next time.
your feedback is so refreshing! Thank you.
I have three children: 20, 18 and 14 who are all amazing in their own way: all straight A’s , three season athletes, play multiple instruments and are genuinely nice, caring and giving individuals. They are the kid that when making a clean hit on the football or lax field, they will reach down and help their opponent to their feet (this always makes me so proud). My friends are always telling us what nice kids we’ve raised. And I have always been a parent to remain calm at all times even in medical emergencies. I find the more you set the tone they follow this lead in their lives and never overreact to life’s curve balls. Let your child run, climb trees, roll down hill in the grass, get some scrapes and boo boos. Be there for them but don’t put them in a bubble and definitely teach them that they need to do things on their own. I promise it will pay off in the end.
Your are completely in your right to feel the way you do. We all handle situations differently depending on our situation at the time.
From the picture you provided and request to your husband, although at a safe distance, and it is good for your LO to watch adults play (children learn from watching the people in their life), I would be mad that my hubby is paying more attention to the ongoing game than spending quality time with our LO. It sounds like you wanted him to interact more with your son, as well as think of his safety, than he was and not go do his prefer activity instead.
Definitely speak to your hubby about the underlying concern and hear him out as well, he may have truly believed that this was a way for him to bond with his son. As moms we are more hands on and loving than our hubbies.
Hope this insight helps and hang in there.
Downvote
not watching...my son was also in the soccer field playing with a ball
ok,thanks . I needed more input.
attached photo for reference and also tried to blur out child’s face.
This looks perfectly safe to me. My son is now 14 but we did spend a lot of hours near soccer fields when he was a toddler.
If these guys are any good, they are in full control of their ball. I feel you though. I was raised by one parent (mom) who was so nonchalant my brother and I have no idea how we survived our childhood. Our dad (they were divorced) was an overbearing worry wort about everything. He’d even zoom into pictures looking for “clues.” Now that we have kids, we are totally like our dad and so protective but have to reign it in big time. It is GOOD to be protective of your child but be wary of being overbearing.
Your overreaction is alarming, I would speak to your doctor and the therapist about your reaction if I were you.
If he takes your kid to play soccer is he going to forget he took him there to play soccer? Is he completely irresponsible that he would neglect your child’s well being and very existence in a separate environment? If not, chill out and let them bond. If so, I don’t know how you expect to raise a child with someone who is incapable of caring for the child on his own, particularly for a short period of time.
Your reaction is strong over soccer, on a soccer field with other adult players present who likely know how to manage the ball as to not intentionally injure your son. If your husband isn’t a wholly awful, neglectful, absentminded father then your reaction is overblown. If you’re dealing with anxiety then you need to manage that as to avoid passing on paranoia or having your husband resent your micromanagment of his parenting.
Good luck to you and to them.
I would be the same if these were amateur players so the ball could be flying anywhere
This is the reason we have such coddled young adults in life. Kids are tougher than you think, but parents change the trajectory of their steadfastness and independence. I have had a mother call in sick for their staff. Unbelievable.
As a parent, it is easy to judge how the other parent “parents” our kids, because it’s not necessarily the same as how we do it. He did what you asked, which was spend more time with your son. While I can understand your concern, do you really feel that your husband would put your son in danger? If you do, this is a bigger conversation. If not, then let them have at it.
Not knowing the context of your parenting styles, you’re overreacting and not trusting your husband, who is also your child’s father. Can’t feel good for him. Be his partner, not his manager at the office.