Hello Ladies,
I am at a point in life where everyone around me is having babies. I am now entering my late 20s and am so confused if I should have a baby now or later Continued in comments...

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I know you have more coming, but initial reaction on your intro post... never do something just because “everyone around” you is doing it. Especially a child.

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I agree.. but I do want a baby.. I never thought I would be someone that would. But obviously as you mature you realize how much you want a family of your own.. I think being around so many pregnant women may be playing with my hormones as well.. but I am more confused on the timing and logistics rather than if I want one or not.

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A few considerations coming from a 29 y/o mother to a 1 yo:

1. When you’re financially and emotionally prepared. Have you evaluated child care cost/options? Are you financially comfortable with your options?

2. Having a baby may or may not delay a promotion! It did for me and it sucked. But I’m also okay with it, in reality what is 1 extra year at level in a 35 year career? You will bounce back.

3. After baby, I went for local or minimal travel work. I cannot go back to M-Th travel because it would break my heart but maybe you can! A LOT of mothers do and it’s perfectly fine! I negotiated 1 night/2days a week travel right when I returned from maternity leave (baby was 4 mo)

4. For me, I did not want to be an older mother. My sister waited too long to have a baby and I saw a lot of negative impacts on her which in part shaped our decision to start a family earlier.

likehelpful

I can only speak to the negative impacts that my sister experiences. And my own, as my parents had me really late too. But...

1. Generation gap. She doesn’t feel she can relate to her daughter.
2. Being the oldest mom. It makes her uncomfortable. She’s not really friends with any of her daughter’s friends’ parents she doesn’t feel like she relates to them as much. Her kids can’t play with her best friends kids because they’re going to college.
3. Energy.
4. Body. Her body wasn’t able to bounce back. So although she’s an athlete, she will always look 20 mo pregnant. And that really, really depresses her.
5. Grandparents not being able to be involved as much.
6. Miscarriages and in vitro. Once she finally tried she had many miscarriages and it was heartbreaking. All of the in-vitro gave her such terrible depression.
7. Regret. She regrets not trying sooner so she could have had 2 kids. Once she had her first she desperately wanted another and was so so heartbroken that she couldn’t have another. She had several rounds of invitro. I even donated eggs. Nothing worked. I had never seen her so depressed in my life.
8. Age, in general. My parents had me very late too. And it sucks. My parents are old and their memory is going and they have health problems (and this is coming from a family of vegan triathletes, they’re not smokers and drinkers). They will never get to run around with my son. Nor can they with my niece. Let’s say my niece gets married at 30, my sister will be 72 at her wedding. Her father even older. I will have to start taking care of elderly parents soon and have a toddler at the same time and that’s something I don’t want to put on my child.

There are so many things, I’ll post them if I remember more. And don’t get me wrong, there is a lot of happiness and joy in having one perfect child but all of the negatives she experienced we simply wanted to avoid.

Again, these are our personally experiences. I know there are a lot of great reasons to wait.

helpfullike

Life takes interesting turns. Some you can plan and others you can’t. I’m pregnant now and going to driver my first at 41. It’s a little scary being a bit older, but I can also afford support and more time off. When I was in my 20’s I thought I’d have teenagers by now 😂. I’m not sure you are ever prepared. But don’t fear the big 40. It’s the only age group where the birth-rate is not declining in the US right now.

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Admittedly my experience is biased because I did have infertility issues in my early 30s and now at 37 I have one toddler and on my second round of IVF for a second baby. My advice is once you’re emotionally and financially ready for a baby, go for it. Don’t wait because of your career. Your career will be fine. I don’t regret waiting until my 30s because I wasn’t stable enough in my 20s but if I had known how hard it would be for me to have kids, I would have tried to get my shit together or froze my eggs.

helpfullike

I’m feeling this too and just posted something similar a day or two ago. I’m married and turning 30 soon. A few friends have kids. I am pretty sure I want to be a mom one day, but not right now. I’m worried about waiting too long, but at the same time, I cannot imagine having a child right now. Not with my partner and my schedule, financially, work wise, etc. I fear waiting too long, but I also know I am not ready and don’t want a child right now. Sometimes I wonder if there’s something wrong with me.

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If you are just now entering your late 20s, you are probably ok prioritizing your career since that is important to you. If you were entering your 30s, I would say prioritize having a baby bc fertility issues are a real thing as you get older.

likehelpful

I understand it’s a very personal thing and everyone experiences motherhood very differently. My plan has always been to wait until I am a manager level 7... which should happen next year. But I am so unsure of how travel and my career will be impacted by it. I want to know how people tackled this and any advice you can give:
1. When is a good time to have a baby.. is it better to have one when you are a bit younger even if it means taking a step back during your prime time in career?
2. If I don’t make manager next year, then should I still wait? Will being on maternity leave screw my chances of progression.
3. How hard is it to get back into travel once you have a baby? How long do you wait until (baby age)?

Now both my husband and I travel and are consultants so obviously I have to work on our logistics.

Appreciate the support and responses!

Agree with the thoughts above. I am FTM with a 6 mo... love her loads but from my exp having and raising a baby is hell lotta work! The pregnancy months, delivery, Post partum nightmare , sleepless nights with babies, regressions, etc etc... you can go thru all of this only if you “really” want it. Else it can be torturous! Do it when you are ready not when everyone around you is - in the end you have to handle it all! They won’t :)

If you aren't sure if you are ready bc you want to travel or go out or work a bunch, make it a priority to do all those things right now for the next few months. Then if you still aren't sure, i suggest trying to live a few months as if you'd never have kids. What would you change if anything?

If it's a timing thing - there is no right time. The hardest part for me is finding the willing partner😃 I always thought I'd have a husband and then baby, but life didn't work out that way. I had two bfs who I thought were going to be it for me but neither was ready for kids. That among other reasons led me to end those relationships. 36 now, in a new relationship and trying to find comfort in having a few years and not forcing a baby conversation too soon or have it cloud my judgement (hormones tricking me into pairing haha). Which means having a back up plan to try on my own around 38 or 39.

My friend who is getting divorced has given me the advice of make sure I'd want to deal with the father forever - even if we break up. It's an interesting perspective to take.

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