Hello moms.. looking for advice: About to go through a custody battle for a 8mo old infant. Husband who gets away with abuse because of his white collar male privilege (PFA, DHS cases all got dismissed), now wants equal share. He’s never been actively involved in caring for our child, and unfortunately US court system defaults to 50:50. Is there any way I can win primary custody?

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I have been down this road and you must, must have your attorney request a forensic custody analysis. Try to get abuse documented - unfortunately the bar is set extremely high and often verbal/emotional abuse toward you or the child is not sufficient. But the forensics are not easily fooled and may weigh in your favor. Be sure to conduct yourself as perfectly as possible - no retribution, no sniping, even if it’s hard, as if the forensics are ordered they’ll be looking at both of you. Good luck. Regardless of what happens, choose the high road always and I promise your child will ultimately be okay and will know both of you for who you are, for better or for worse.

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Yes but custody in the US is really unique to state and even county. You need to work closely with your lawyer and look at domestic violence resources in your area. General advice won’t be helpful here, each court is different.

Yeah start compiling all of the evidence you have now - emails, text messages, any other records you have of abuse towards you, but especially towards the child (or neglect). If you can uncover any other unfavorable information (ie criminal history, drinking or driving under the influence), it can help build your case. It’s also helpful to have a non-biased third party (like a teacher) provide their perspective, although it may be difficult to find someone with your child being so young. Maybe daycare? Or someone from his family who would be willing to speak out in your favor

First of all, so sorry to hear you are going thru this. I just got divorced last month myself and was able to retain a full custody’s of my 1.5 year old daughter. My ex now only has visitation rights on the weekends. But boy, it cost me a lot to have him sign the settlement agreement agreeing to me moving the child out of state. My ex was a complete asshole who threatened to take my child away from me. But I was able to reason with him to sign the agreement. Is there any chance you could talk to him and have him agree on you being the primary custodial parent?

Thank you moms, this is all super helpful.

Good luck and hang in there.

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